Should I go without him?
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Should I go without him?
My daughter has invited me to go watch her boyfriend race his corvette at a drag race track this evening. I really want to go, but I don't want to go alone as she has a friend who is going and taking her boyfriend too.
My ABF got paid today. That means he stocked up on beer and most likely spent the day at the bar. He was off today. His cell phone has been off and when turned back on, he didn't answer. He knows I have set many boundaries and I do not want to talk to him if he sounds like he's been drinking. But he doesn't want to be bothered, either. BTW, he had to take a cab to get his check (DUI), he then cashes it coz he has so many overdraft fees the bank will take his check. Then he has the cab drop him at the bar. That's his routine on payday.
We have been really on the outs all week. Last Sunday, Mother's Day, he came over to my house to cook dinner and mow my grass, which was very high after a week of straight rain, and wash my car. He has his own place after I made him move due tohis drinking. But he left and said he had to get gas for the lawn mower. He came back, gave me a kiss and I knew he chugged some beer while "getting gas". So I let him know I knew it, told him not to worry bout washing my car {he would throw it in my face.} and I would take him home. He washed my car anyway, after an argument in which he threw everything he does for me in my face. "I bust my a-- for you and you have to find a reason to bit--". I told him I deserve to have someone mow my grass and wash my car AND be sober.
We haven't really spoken this week, but this morning on the phone he said "we can still have that picket fence." But I can't get him on the phone this afternoon to go with me tonight.
I have an ex bf who treated me like a queen and would be there in a heartbeat if I called him. How many times I have sat home coz ABF has spent all his money or is just plain drunk. I have not called the ex because I try to be a loyal gf and ABF expects if we break up I will go back to ex. I'm not sure if I should break up totally with ABF and call the ex, or break up with him and stay away for awhiile. I don't want to look like the cheater, or get the I told you so, I knew you'd call him.
I don't want to wait around all summer while ABF drinks all day while he's off work then sleeps all afternoon and then wakes up and I'm supposed to be happy to be with him that evening. That's how last summer went. Even went to the beach and he didn't want to do anything but drink all day at the beach, didn't want to go anywhere else.
Since he said we can have "the picket fence" and that we can work on things maybe I should believe him and give him one more chance? LOL But really, ho wod you break up with ABF and not be made to feel like I'm the guilty one? And I feel like he will come back in a few days ready to change. How did I get in this mess?
Or should I keep trying to call, and give him the chance to see if he will go with me?
My ABF got paid today. That means he stocked up on beer and most likely spent the day at the bar. He was off today. His cell phone has been off and when turned back on, he didn't answer. He knows I have set many boundaries and I do not want to talk to him if he sounds like he's been drinking. But he doesn't want to be bothered, either. BTW, he had to take a cab to get his check (DUI), he then cashes it coz he has so many overdraft fees the bank will take his check. Then he has the cab drop him at the bar. That's his routine on payday.
We have been really on the outs all week. Last Sunday, Mother's Day, he came over to my house to cook dinner and mow my grass, which was very high after a week of straight rain, and wash my car. He has his own place after I made him move due tohis drinking. But he left and said he had to get gas for the lawn mower. He came back, gave me a kiss and I knew he chugged some beer while "getting gas". So I let him know I knew it, told him not to worry bout washing my car {he would throw it in my face.} and I would take him home. He washed my car anyway, after an argument in which he threw everything he does for me in my face. "I bust my a-- for you and you have to find a reason to bit--". I told him I deserve to have someone mow my grass and wash my car AND be sober.
We haven't really spoken this week, but this morning on the phone he said "we can still have that picket fence." But I can't get him on the phone this afternoon to go with me tonight.
I have an ex bf who treated me like a queen and would be there in a heartbeat if I called him. How many times I have sat home coz ABF has spent all his money or is just plain drunk. I have not called the ex because I try to be a loyal gf and ABF expects if we break up I will go back to ex. I'm not sure if I should break up totally with ABF and call the ex, or break up with him and stay away for awhiile. I don't want to look like the cheater, or get the I told you so, I knew you'd call him.
I don't want to wait around all summer while ABF drinks all day while he's off work then sleeps all afternoon and then wakes up and I'm supposed to be happy to be with him that evening. That's how last summer went. Even went to the beach and he didn't want to do anything but drink all day at the beach, didn't want to go anywhere else.
Since he said we can have "the picket fence" and that we can work on things maybe I should believe him and give him one more chance? LOL But really, ho wod you break up with ABF and not be made to feel like I'm the guilty one? And I feel like he will come back in a few days ready to change. How did I get in this mess?
Or should I keep trying to call, and give him the chance to see if he will go with me?
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I thought if I give him a heads up, he would be sober by this evening. If I go with anyone else, I'm the bad guy. Then I have to deal with being told that and on and on. This relationship is wearing me out. The thing is I love him. His own mom says "he could be such a wonderful person". COULD be.
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Hi goodluck,
I see nothing wrong on going by yourself, or inviting anyone you wish... if the BF complains, well, he was not there for you was he?
I agree with the above poster, its not about them, its about YOU, you were invited and YOU go and have fun!!
I see nothing wrong on going by yourself, or inviting anyone you wish... if the BF complains, well, he was not there for you was he?
I agree with the above poster, its not about them, its about YOU, you were invited and YOU go and have fun!!
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Originally Posted by goodlukchrm 
I thought if I give him a heads up, he would be sober by this evening. If I go with anyone else, I'm the bad guy. Then I have to deal with being told that and on and on. This relationship is wearing me out. The thing is I love him. His own mom says "he could be such a wonderful person". COULD be.
What are you getting from this relationship?
L
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Sometimes the truth is painful to hear (or read). You've gotten a lot of good feedback here... and I'm sure you feel like you've just had a splash of cold water thrown at you.
Maybe time to reflect on what you want for your life? Why be a doormat for someone else?
Maybe time to reflect on what you want for your life? Why be a doormat for someone else?
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It's not that I'm more concerned about him than being with my daughter. I've just always been in a relationship and it's weird to be alone. I'm sure others have been in those shoes.
Also, he's not a "hired hand." I even told him not to do it. That was my mother's day gift from him. Actually, it's him that insists on doing those things, but I think it's so he can say how much he does for me. It's just little stuff that would be done in a normal family, which he says he wants but he can't understand why he doesn't have it.
Three years and I am starting to see the light. He knows I'm always there, I'm loyal, I'll stand by his side.
La Tee Da you are so right. I always say life is about choices. He complains about the dump he lives in but he lived here in my home with me and screwed that up. He could have more if he didn't drink a case of beer on his day off...I'm guessing about 12 on the days he works. Thank you LaTee.
I went to the store last week and cooked myself dinner. I haven't done that in ages. I guess if I'm gonna be alone I might as well get used to it.
The ex that is as you say "on the hook" just truely loves me. I was with him for 5 years after my husband died and he knows what I have been through in my life (burying my husband at the age of 32, then pulling myself out of depression to get through nursing school so I could support my daughter, secretaries pay wouldn't get it.) He just truely loves me and wants to be there for me. He has got all kinds of money and I would want for nothing but I have tried to be loyal to this drunk who lives in a trailor with no car and no driver's license and I have not called even though when he sees me out in town he asks me to. But I don't want people thinking I'm with him for his money. My ABF accuses me of that even though I've been with him 3 years and we never even go out to dinner. I freakin paid for vacations.
CHOICES...ABF could live better than he does but a case of freakin beer is expensive and you do that enough that's rent money.
Sorry, bout the vent. ABF tries to make me feel guilty for wanting out. I wanted the family life with him and his daughter, but he makes it impossible. She even at the age of 15 moved out and with a friend of her aunt.
What am I getting out of this? Less and less.
Also, he's not a "hired hand." I even told him not to do it. That was my mother's day gift from him. Actually, it's him that insists on doing those things, but I think it's so he can say how much he does for me. It's just little stuff that would be done in a normal family, which he says he wants but he can't understand why he doesn't have it.
Three years and I am starting to see the light. He knows I'm always there, I'm loyal, I'll stand by his side.
La Tee Da you are so right. I always say life is about choices. He complains about the dump he lives in but he lived here in my home with me and screwed that up. He could have more if he didn't drink a case of beer on his day off...I'm guessing about 12 on the days he works. Thank you LaTee.
I went to the store last week and cooked myself dinner. I haven't done that in ages. I guess if I'm gonna be alone I might as well get used to it.
The ex that is as you say "on the hook" just truely loves me. I was with him for 5 years after my husband died and he knows what I have been through in my life (burying my husband at the age of 32, then pulling myself out of depression to get through nursing school so I could support my daughter, secretaries pay wouldn't get it.) He just truely loves me and wants to be there for me. He has got all kinds of money and I would want for nothing but I have tried to be loyal to this drunk who lives in a trailor with no car and no driver's license and I have not called even though when he sees me out in town he asks me to. But I don't want people thinking I'm with him for his money. My ABF accuses me of that even though I've been with him 3 years and we never even go out to dinner. I freakin paid for vacations.
CHOICES...ABF could live better than he does but a case of freakin beer is expensive and you do that enough that's rent money.
Sorry, bout the vent. ABF tries to make me feel guilty for wanting out. I wanted the family life with him and his daughter, but he makes it impossible. She even at the age of 15 moved out and with a friend of her aunt.
What am I getting out of this? Less and less.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 320
Until I dealth with the parts of ME that caused ME to walk into unhealthy relationships I continued to be in one.
I always wondered how I could walk in the a place like the Superdome and the sickest person there would gravitate towads me like a magnet. As if I had a neon sign over my head saying come one come all sicko crazy violent drug addicted, spritually empty, broke, starving and with tons of bagage person. All I saw was the good that nobody else saw.
It was me ....all me. Its the person in the mirror. All I said all the stuff. I deserve better, I deserve love, I deserve a stable life ect....Like a sceen from Stewart Smally from SNL. Dog gone it people like me......CRAP.
It all boiled down to change or die. So when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the fear of changing...then and only then a change occured.
I remain,
Joe H
9/9/84
I always wondered how I could walk in the a place like the Superdome and the sickest person there would gravitate towads me like a magnet. As if I had a neon sign over my head saying come one come all sicko crazy violent drug addicted, spritually empty, broke, starving and with tons of bagage person. All I saw was the good that nobody else saw.
It was me ....all me. Its the person in the mirror. All I said all the stuff. I deserve better, I deserve love, I deserve a stable life ect....Like a sceen from Stewart Smally from SNL. Dog gone it people like me......CRAP.
It all boiled down to change or die. So when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the fear of changing...then and only then a change occured.
I remain,
Joe H
9/9/84
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Vrooooooom!! 
Go watch those cars, goodluk. Your daughter can be your 'date', and I'll bet she'll be far better company. You can't manipulate an alcoholic into staying sober (well, not for long)
The best times in my life were the ones right after leaving ABF, when I was at first terrified to be without someone in my life. Go read that post by bookwyrm and read the responses...how some of these people have found real joy without the burden of a significant other.
Not to say you'd never be with someone, but you'd have a darned good life already, and would be able to honestly say, "Hmmm...is being with this guy better than the kick*** life I already have on my own?" LOL
You could start with the corvettes
Go watch those cars, goodluk. Your daughter can be your 'date', and I'll bet she'll be far better company. You can't manipulate an alcoholic into staying sober (well, not for long)
The best times in my life were the ones right after leaving ABF, when I was at first terrified to be without someone in my life. Go read that post by bookwyrm and read the responses...how some of these people have found real joy without the burden of a significant other.
Not to say you'd never be with someone, but you'd have a darned good life already, and would be able to honestly say, "Hmmm...is being with this guy better than the kick*** life I already have on my own?" LOL
You could start with the corvettes
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LOL @ Superdome and the last post, haha!!
"But I don't want people thinking I'm with him for his money. "
People who think that of you are worthless and we do not care about them. You cannot control what anyone thinks either.
You seem in an extraordinary effort to make everybody else happy! you can't. But you can make your own self happy!
Please let us know if you had fun tonight!!
"But I don't want people thinking I'm with him for his money. "
People who think that of you are worthless and we do not care about them. You cannot control what anyone thinks either.
You seem in an extraordinary effort to make everybody else happy! you can't. But you can make your own self happy!
Please let us know if you had fun tonight!!
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OMG...I did it guys. I went tonight, by myself and had a good time cheering on my daughter's boyfriend with her and her friends.
He did so good, he won his races but not as fast as he wanted to go. Wanted to finish in 7.whatever seconds but finished in 8.whatever seconds. He was still faster than the ones he went up against. Now he knows what he wants to do to his car for the next time he tries it.
I am so glad I went and didn't sit around waiting for someone who "just wants to enjoy life" by drinking it away and staying passed out. I really "enjoyed life" tonight. And everyone there was stone cold sober. HA
Thanks to everyone. Your support means so much. VRooooooom
He did so good, he won his races but not as fast as he wanted to go. Wanted to finish in 7.whatever seconds but finished in 8.whatever seconds. He was still faster than the ones he went up against. Now he knows what he wants to do to his car for the next time he tries it.
I am so glad I went and didn't sit around waiting for someone who "just wants to enjoy life" by drinking it away and staying passed out. I really "enjoyed life" tonight. And everyone there was stone cold sober. HA
Thanks to everyone. Your support means so much. VRooooooom
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If you go back and read your orginal post and then read your last post; I think you will hear a new sound in your voice............ feels good doesn't it?
I've
danced to this tune for over 27 years, and speaking for myself; I should have closed the door in his face on our first date when he showed up on my doorsteps with a six pack under each arm!!! 
:
feels good doesn't it? I've
danced to this tune for over 27 years, and speaking for myself; I should have closed the door in his face on our first date when he showed up on my doorsteps with a six pack under each arm!!! :
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Somebodyswife, that is so sad to hear. Hindsite is def 20/20. I think it's sad that any of us feel a need to be here, but I am so thankful for this forum.
So he called me this morning at 6am, on my day off although he is up and going to work, asking why I didn't call him yesterday. I told him I tried but his phone was off and I tried later and it rang but no answer. He said he had it charging and was there the whole time. So I asked him did he go to the bar...no...and I asked did he get drunk?...no...coz I know sometimes he's too drunk to answer. Who knows what happened. I don't really believe him because of past history, even if he were telling the truth that for some strange reason the calls didn't go through.
Now he is wanting me to meet him for lunch. I said no I've got too much to do. And he wants to see me this evening after work and is already talking about dinner plans. Says he can't see himself with any other woman the rest of his life. I'm not that into it. I don't know what to believe about yesterday, but I told him about the great time I had last evening.
It is weird though because my cell phone doesn't show any outgoing calls to him yesterday either. I'm confused.
So he called me this morning at 6am, on my day off although he is up and going to work, asking why I didn't call him yesterday. I told him I tried but his phone was off and I tried later and it rang but no answer. He said he had it charging and was there the whole time. So I asked him did he go to the bar...no...and I asked did he get drunk?...no...coz I know sometimes he's too drunk to answer. Who knows what happened. I don't really believe him because of past history, even if he were telling the truth that for some strange reason the calls didn't go through.
Now he is wanting me to meet him for lunch. I said no I've got too much to do. And he wants to see me this evening after work and is already talking about dinner plans. Says he can't see himself with any other woman the rest of his life. I'm not that into it. I don't know what to believe about yesterday, but I told him about the great time I had last evening.
It is weird though because my cell phone doesn't show any outgoing calls to him yesterday either. I'm confused.
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Originally Posted by goodlukchrm
He knows I have set many boundaries and I do not want to talk to him if he sounds like he's been drinking.
I'm glad you had a fabulous time, and are learning that until you are comfortable in your own skin, being your own "date", no one else worth taking along can fill that spot in a way you deserve!
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blessed...I won't call him if I know he's been drinking. I cannot stand to hear that slurring. I guess I was hoping maybe he wasn't.
I'm glad to hear you are taking care of you.
BTW I guess we both like Dr. Seuss...check out my new signature. Hopefully I will apply it to my own life.
I'm glad to hear you are taking care of you.
BTW I guess we both like Dr. Seuss...check out my new signature. Hopefully I will apply it to my own life.
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Goodlukcharm, you can apply it - just choose to, and make it as important as making enough money to live on, or not walking in front of moving cars
Make sure it's a priority, not an option.
Cuz, really? You don't need people like that in your life. Being alone to explore all life's joys is preferable to being with sick, lying, manipulative people you can't trust, isn't it?
You are important enough to say NO to disrespect like this.
Make sure it's a priority, not an option.
Cuz, really? You don't need people like that in your life. Being alone to explore all life's joys is preferable to being with sick, lying, manipulative people you can't trust, isn't it?
You are important enough to say NO to disrespect like this.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
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So he called me this morning at 6am, on my day off although he is up and going to work, asking why I didn't call him yesterday.
Quack, Quack
You were just manipulated twice in that one sentence.
You answered the phone at 6 a.m. on your day off, I'm guessing he knew your schedule and decided to call you when you were groggy and just glad to hear his sober voice.
Also, he asked why you did not call him the day before and you accepted the guilt he was projecting onto you and began to defend yourself to an alcoholic?! Does his cell phone not have the capability to dial out? He can only receive your calls, not make calls to you? Oh yeah, it works when he's sober, because he did call you to wake you up.
Says he can't see himself with any other woman the rest of his life.
He's right. Who else would put up with his quacking?
Quack, Quack
You were just manipulated twice in that one sentence.
You answered the phone at 6 a.m. on your day off, I'm guessing he knew your schedule and decided to call you when you were groggy and just glad to hear his sober voice.
Also, he asked why you did not call him the day before and you accepted the guilt he was projecting onto you and began to defend yourself to an alcoholic?! Does his cell phone not have the capability to dial out? He can only receive your calls, not make calls to you? Oh yeah, it works when he's sober, because he did call you to wake you up.
Says he can't see himself with any other woman the rest of his life.
He's right. Who else would put up with his quacking?
A jug fills drop by drop
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Pelican, I liked your post.
goodluck, I am glad you went and had fun!! I was secretly afraid you would stay at home. Good for you for sharing quality time with your daughter and friends
BTW, calling you at 6 am is completely disrespectful
goodluck, I am glad you went and had fun!! I was secretly afraid you would stay at home. Good for you for sharing quality time with your daughter and friends
BTW, calling you at 6 am is completely disrespectful
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