Am I addicted to AlAnon? Need to find balance....ESH greatly needed
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Maryland
Posts: 50
Am I addicted to AlAnon? Need to find balance....ESH greatly needed
First of all thank you all for responding to my post yesterday, I always appreciate the ESH that comes from my MIP family, I have been carried more times than I can count by most of you here.
Several people (not just here) have voiced to me that maybe my problem is that I am "overdoing" AlAnon. It seems as though I am always here posting, or reading, or (as I am told-lol) talking about the program. To be honest right now I have about Five daily readers going all at the same time, on top of the other AlAnon readings from my regular books etc, I have quotes and slogans pasted throughout my home and office. I even have a notebook where I print out and keep different ESH that applies to me and helps me. I go to my weekly meetings, sometimes online meetings too, and talk to people between meetings. I am REALLY trying to do EVERYTHING I have been taught to do to make myself well and speed up my recovery. I just want to be better and be the old me again......the one from 18 years ago who had no fears.
Sometimes I think I am just at a plateau this week and I just need to keep doing everything I am doing and putting one foot in front of the other. And at other times I think--- I know me and when I FINALLY make my mind up to something I will give 110% to getting it done YESTERDAY. I know I have NO PATIENCE at all-my worst character flaw. But I think A LOT of it, a VERY HUGE PART is being afraid, afraid that if I don't devote every spare second to this program and make every bit of my life about this program right now, that I'll slip back into my old ways of seeing things, and old behaviors, and all the old hurt and pain. I do that now and am consistantly trying to work the program so I can't imagine if I didn't devote so much time to it. I read back on a lot of my old posts, and though I know this is a lifetime program for me, I have grown a lot in the past months and I can't let myself take a chance on a big slip.
I need to find some sort of balance maybe, but I have NO IDEA where to begin to do that....and the thought of letting go of even a TINY bit of my program MORTIFYS me. Could this all be part of me trading one addiction (my EXABF) for another (my program)? Could I be hiding in my program?
So that is where I am today.......any ESH would be GREATLY appreciated...
spirit
Several people (not just here) have voiced to me that maybe my problem is that I am "overdoing" AlAnon. It seems as though I am always here posting, or reading, or (as I am told-lol) talking about the program. To be honest right now I have about Five daily readers going all at the same time, on top of the other AlAnon readings from my regular books etc, I have quotes and slogans pasted throughout my home and office. I even have a notebook where I print out and keep different ESH that applies to me and helps me. I go to my weekly meetings, sometimes online meetings too, and talk to people between meetings. I am REALLY trying to do EVERYTHING I have been taught to do to make myself well and speed up my recovery. I just want to be better and be the old me again......the one from 18 years ago who had no fears.
Sometimes I think I am just at a plateau this week and I just need to keep doing everything I am doing and putting one foot in front of the other. And at other times I think--- I know me and when I FINALLY make my mind up to something I will give 110% to getting it done YESTERDAY. I know I have NO PATIENCE at all-my worst character flaw. But I think A LOT of it, a VERY HUGE PART is being afraid, afraid that if I don't devote every spare second to this program and make every bit of my life about this program right now, that I'll slip back into my old ways of seeing things, and old behaviors, and all the old hurt and pain. I do that now and am consistantly trying to work the program so I can't imagine if I didn't devote so much time to it. I read back on a lot of my old posts, and though I know this is a lifetime program for me, I have grown a lot in the past months and I can't let myself take a chance on a big slip.
I need to find some sort of balance maybe, but I have NO IDEA where to begin to do that....and the thought of letting go of even a TINY bit of my program MORTIFYS me. Could this all be part of me trading one addiction (my EXABF) for another (my program)? Could I be hiding in my program?
So that is where I am today.......any ESH would be GREATLY appreciated...
spirit
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Well, here's my take on it. I have one daily reader (Courage to Change). I can overload myself with reading too many things.
For me, it took years to unlearn the behaviors/attitudes that kept me locked in codependency for so long. So I have come to "practice these principles in all my affairs."
It's real easy for me to slip back into old codie ways, especially if I'm struggling through a particularly emotional time.
Like you, patience has been a really tough one for me. I want to be fixed all at once, and the more I try to force it, the more frustrated I get.
I'm not getting the feeling you're doing too much, but rather wanting to be further along than you are. Does that make sense?
Unless we accept where we are at that moment, it's impossible to move forward, at least for me.
I don't know if this helps at all or not.
:ghug :ghug :ghug
PS. I often have important 'slogans' taped up around the house for me too!
For me, it took years to unlearn the behaviors/attitudes that kept me locked in codependency for so long. So I have come to "practice these principles in all my affairs."
It's real easy for me to slip back into old codie ways, especially if I'm struggling through a particularly emotional time.
Like you, patience has been a really tough one for me. I want to be fixed all at once, and the more I try to force it, the more frustrated I get.
I'm not getting the feeling you're doing too much, but rather wanting to be further along than you are. Does that make sense?
Unless we accept where we are at that moment, it's impossible to move forward, at least for me.
I don't know if this helps at all or not.
:ghug :ghug :ghug
PS. I often have important 'slogans' taped up around the house for me too!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
And are recovering alcoholics doing 90 meetings in 90 days "overdoing it" ?
This is all so personal, spirited. It's whatever works for YOU, and different things will serve you at different times.
We all have to do whatever we feel is needed to heal. Sometimes we swing way over to one side, overdoing something, trying to FORCE it to work, and then we correct and swing over the other side, not doing quite enough, until we find our balance point. That's okay imho. It's life
From this perspective, it doesn't seem like you're able -- yet -- to hear that small voice inside you that tells you where the right balance lies. That's what counseling was good for, for me. I could talk it out and find out what was TRUE FOR ME. It was right there all along, but I was too panicked and desperate and gotta-fix-it-now crazy to hear it.
Let yourself find your own balance. Maybe get some help in finding out where it lies.
Hugs,
GL
This is all so personal, spirited. It's whatever works for YOU, and different things will serve you at different times.
We all have to do whatever we feel is needed to heal. Sometimes we swing way over to one side, overdoing something, trying to FORCE it to work, and then we correct and swing over the other side, not doing quite enough, until we find our balance point. That's okay imho. It's life
From this perspective, it doesn't seem like you're able -- yet -- to hear that small voice inside you that tells you where the right balance lies. That's what counseling was good for, for me. I could talk it out and find out what was TRUE FOR ME. It was right there all along, but I was too panicked and desperate and gotta-fix-it-now crazy to hear it.
Let yourself find your own balance. Maybe get some help in finding out where it lies.
Hugs,
GL
Last edited by GiveLove; 05-14-2009 at 11:53 AM.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi spirited,
As long as it makes YOU feel good, I say go for it... I also think I am addicted to SR, LOL and Melody Beattie, and counseling and spiritual reading and yoga... I mean, those are all tools for us! Its like we are clinging to a rock, even with our teeth and we are going to fall if we loosen NOW.
I think you are doing great and all of what you are doing shows how commited to your sanity and health you are, and I would say go with the tide and use this self improvement inertia to the fullest.
I also believe I do not trust myself yet, with a new relation and all I am analyzing EVERYTHING of what I do and feel for any codie behavior... I think that after time passes and I keep myself in check, I will regain my trust and be able to relax it a little.
For now, pass the Melody Beatty books!!
As long as it makes YOU feel good, I say go for it... I also think I am addicted to SR, LOL and Melody Beattie, and counseling and spiritual reading and yoga... I mean, those are all tools for us! Its like we are clinging to a rock, even with our teeth and we are going to fall if we loosen NOW.
I think you are doing great and all of what you are doing shows how commited to your sanity and health you are, and I would say go with the tide and use this self improvement inertia to the fullest.
I also believe I do not trust myself yet, with a new relation and all I am analyzing EVERYTHING of what I do and feel for any codie behavior... I think that after time passes and I keep myself in check, I will regain my trust and be able to relax it a little.
For now, pass the Melody Beatty books!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I agree that it works if you work it but it's also about what works for you.
Some folks learn new things better when they immerse themselves in it. A new language can be learned by living in that foreign land and slowly but surely becoming versed in the culture and the language. Others study from books for a long while before venturing out into a land of native speakers. It's all about how you learn and adapt to new things that's going make it right for you.
My thought is that if your finding that posting in multiple forums and going to certain meetings is causing undesired side effects from family and friends being involved, then try a new tact. It doesn't mean cut down on your efforts, just try a different approach and see how that works.
I love that you've made yourself a wonderful nest to recover in. Meetings, forums, literature, all the tools at your fingertips. I can be so hesitant to put myself out there (a bit of a recluse) I shy from the idea of going to meetings still.
I bet as you progress in you're recovery, you will downsize on some of what you're doing because you just won't need them all as much.
Alice
Some folks learn new things better when they immerse themselves in it. A new language can be learned by living in that foreign land and slowly but surely becoming versed in the culture and the language. Others study from books for a long while before venturing out into a land of native speakers. It's all about how you learn and adapt to new things that's going make it right for you.
My thought is that if your finding that posting in multiple forums and going to certain meetings is causing undesired side effects from family and friends being involved, then try a new tact. It doesn't mean cut down on your efforts, just try a different approach and see how that works.
I love that you've made yourself a wonderful nest to recover in. Meetings, forums, literature, all the tools at your fingertips. I can be so hesitant to put myself out there (a bit of a recluse) I shy from the idea of going to meetings still.
I bet as you progress in you're recovery, you will downsize on some of what you're doing because you just won't need them all as much.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I love that analogy about languages, alice. I remember my family thinking I'd gone off the deep end when I wanted to learn a language so badly I travelled to Central America to do immersion in it. They thought I was nuts, because it wasn't their priority.
Spirited, consider this sad/funny fact too: No matter what you do or think or say, in ANY area of life, there will always always always be someone somewhere who disagrees with you, and who possibly thinks you're crazy for doing/thinking/saying it. You can't make everybody happy and you can't make everybody like you -- all you can do is try to follow your own inner compass as best you can.
Love yourself. Let yourself explore all the avenues to healing, as much or as little as you want.
Spirited, consider this sad/funny fact too: No matter what you do or think or say, in ANY area of life, there will always always always be someone somewhere who disagrees with you, and who possibly thinks you're crazy for doing/thinking/saying it. You can't make everybody happy and you can't make everybody like you -- all you can do is try to follow your own inner compass as best you can.
Love yourself. Let yourself explore all the avenues to healing, as much or as little as you want.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 320
Great post and I hope you dont mind me reading and putting in my 2 cents.
First and formost I am Joe from Mississippi and I am a acoholic/addict.
In early recovery I tried to hide in AA/NA rooms. I thought if 90x90 was good then 180x60 was better. Not so......
Today I have to put things in the right prespective. The rooms, conventions, campouts and dances are the fellowship of recovery. They are a much needed part of building a network of support and friendships. It is in these places where I learn what the program of recovery is about.
Manytimes these places are part of my life for 1 hr at a time or a weekend at a time. Most of my day is spent outside of the meeting rooms and away from the conventions.
It is these places where the program is to be used and put into practice. I never have had a problem behaving while at a meeting its the other 23 hrs that causes me fits. Those 23 hrs are when I get the oppertunity to put in to practice what I have heard and learned in the rooms.
In my early recovery we did not have the WWW. I find today that it is a fun way to touch base from time to time with like minded folks. And its a fun way to break up a rat race at the office.
Step Three tells me that God will hold my will and life for a moment . I turn this over to the CARE OF him. Not for him to fix or keep. At some point I must retreive my will and life and deal with the issues at hand. Much like turning over a child to a caregiver until I am finished doing something...then I return to take responsability.
In early recovery when I made 180x60 I was fearful to get out and put into practice the program I was learning. This program will work. I must get out there and work it and return to the fellowship places to fill up my recovery tank weekly.
In service I remain,
Joe Higgins
9/9/84
First and formost I am Joe from Mississippi and I am a acoholic/addict.
In early recovery I tried to hide in AA/NA rooms. I thought if 90x90 was good then 180x60 was better. Not so......
Today I have to put things in the right prespective. The rooms, conventions, campouts and dances are the fellowship of recovery. They are a much needed part of building a network of support and friendships. It is in these places where I learn what the program of recovery is about.
Manytimes these places are part of my life for 1 hr at a time or a weekend at a time. Most of my day is spent outside of the meeting rooms and away from the conventions.
It is these places where the program is to be used and put into practice. I never have had a problem behaving while at a meeting its the other 23 hrs that causes me fits. Those 23 hrs are when I get the oppertunity to put in to practice what I have heard and learned in the rooms.
In my early recovery we did not have the WWW. I find today that it is a fun way to touch base from time to time with like minded folks. And its a fun way to break up a rat race at the office.
Step Three tells me that God will hold my will and life for a moment . I turn this over to the CARE OF him. Not for him to fix or keep. At some point I must retreive my will and life and deal with the issues at hand. Much like turning over a child to a caregiver until I am finished doing something...then I return to take responsability.
In early recovery when I made 180x60 I was fearful to get out and put into practice the program I was learning. This program will work. I must get out there and work it and return to the fellowship places to fill up my recovery tank weekly.
In service I remain,
Joe Higgins
9/9/84
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
I have an Al Anon friend who likes to tell the story of how he went to his first meeting almost 30 years ago, bought One Day at a Time, and then went home and read the whole thing the first night. He then says, slowly: "One Day at a Time, all in One Night -- what's wrong with that picture?"
My personal test for whether I am doing something in a healthy way or not is whether or not, by doing it as I am, I am, in fact, enhancing all of the other also-important areas in my life and improving my life overall, or if what I am doing -- or how I am doing it -- is, in fact, detracting from and putting at-risk other also-important areas of my life, affecting my ability (or my willingness/desire) to live up to and fulfill other responsibilities and commitments I have, and, thus, detracting from my life overall.
My personal experience with working the Al Anon program is that both perfectionism and impatience are indicative of ego issues and lack of trust in and reliance on HP on my part......and, obviously, in the final analysis, my program is not worth squat without trust in and reliance on HP. As long as I remain in the spot of trying to "force" my program, with my own action and my own will, to advance as I think it should advance and at a speed of which I approve, I really am totally missing what the program is really all about: Placing myself "in the middle of the stream of knowledge and power that flows into" my life so that I can be "without effort compelled to wisdom and perfect contentment." (That's adapted from an end of January reading in Courage to Change.)
It's not about me doing and me forcing and me controlling when and where and how....it's about me learning to quiet down, center myself and just be, so that I can discern what HP wants for me and where He wants to lead me. And then being willing to calmly go there in faith and trust.
freya
My personal test for whether I am doing something in a healthy way or not is whether or not, by doing it as I am, I am, in fact, enhancing all of the other also-important areas in my life and improving my life overall, or if what I am doing -- or how I am doing it -- is, in fact, detracting from and putting at-risk other also-important areas of my life, affecting my ability (or my willingness/desire) to live up to and fulfill other responsibilities and commitments I have, and, thus, detracting from my life overall.
My personal experience with working the Al Anon program is that both perfectionism and impatience are indicative of ego issues and lack of trust in and reliance on HP on my part......and, obviously, in the final analysis, my program is not worth squat without trust in and reliance on HP. As long as I remain in the spot of trying to "force" my program, with my own action and my own will, to advance as I think it should advance and at a speed of which I approve, I really am totally missing what the program is really all about: Placing myself "in the middle of the stream of knowledge and power that flows into" my life so that I can be "without effort compelled to wisdom and perfect contentment." (That's adapted from an end of January reading in Courage to Change.)
It's not about me doing and me forcing and me controlling when and where and how....it's about me learning to quiet down, center myself and just be, so that I can discern what HP wants for me and where He wants to lead me. And then being willing to calmly go there in faith and trust.
freya
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
and the thought of letting go of even a TINY bit of my program MORTIFYS me. Could this all be part of me trading one addiction (my EXABF) for another (my program)? Could I be hiding in my program?
When I first got into recovery for my alcoholism I did far more than 90 in 90, I was averaging about 15 meetings a week. True Story.
As I stayed sober and learned how to LIVE sober, my meeting count was down to 3 to 4 meetings a week as I approached my 3rd AA Birthday. Then at exactly 3 years my AA sponsor strongly suggest that I start Al-Anon IMMEDIATELY that day and get of all things an Al-Anon sponsor in addition to her (I was married by then to a sober alkie that wonder of wonders had found gambling to replace his alcoholism).
So I went to Al-Anon. Was up to 7 meetings a week and my 3 to 4 AA meetings. Was I trading one addiction for another? I don't believe so.
I was LEARNING. All over again another aspect of LIVING SOBER. I was continuing to learn how to WORK ON ME, how to look at me HONESTLY, how to make the corrections through practice practice practice.
I still have 3 readings a day I do in the morning to help "Set My Day".
I don't believe you are trading an addiction to your EXABF for an addiction to Al-Anon. J M H O but I believe you are doing what you are doing for YOU to learn more about YOU, for YOU to learn how NOT to make the same mistake again, and for YOU to become a better person than you already are.
BTW I am coming up on 28 years in AA and I still read my Big Book and other literature from AA and I am coming up on 25 years in Al-Anon and I still read my Al-Anon materials. I also still attend meetings of both occasionally. It helps keep me in BALANCE.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hoosier Daddy?
Posts: 63
My take on it is this... "Fill each minute with 60 seconds of distance run."
The growth is learning what I need in the moment... sometimes it's emmersing myself in spiritual growth and sometimes it's been letting it go, being goofy and NOT thinking. That, my friend, has taught me what I'M feeling/thinking and to make the adjustments from there. My background is in clinical psych as a counselor/chemical dependency counselor so I've, of late, backed-away from my Al-Anon program to focus on my own therapy issues... it works for me right now and the progress is that I don't feel guilty for not being perfectly spectacular in all my endeavors.
It's very common, in my experience, for the pain to be so overwhelming that I needed it 'right now'. I stopped asking, however, "Lord, please hurry-up and teach me patience.", and have learned to let myself be in each moment... that is the, "... distance run...", within each 60 seconds... learning what I need, what I want to be doing, and who, if anyone, I want to be sharing it with.
For me, it has gotten better as the pain has subsided, and IT WILL SUBSIDE, but I definitely know that my PURPOSEFUL efforts toward filling 60 seconds with distance run has aided in more quickly healing the hurt. Do what you need for now and grow from there.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
The growth is learning what I need in the moment... sometimes it's emmersing myself in spiritual growth and sometimes it's been letting it go, being goofy and NOT thinking. That, my friend, has taught me what I'M feeling/thinking and to make the adjustments from there. My background is in clinical psych as a counselor/chemical dependency counselor so I've, of late, backed-away from my Al-Anon program to focus on my own therapy issues... it works for me right now and the progress is that I don't feel guilty for not being perfectly spectacular in all my endeavors.
It's very common, in my experience, for the pain to be so overwhelming that I needed it 'right now'. I stopped asking, however, "Lord, please hurry-up and teach me patience.", and have learned to let myself be in each moment... that is the, "... distance run...", within each 60 seconds... learning what I need, what I want to be doing, and who, if anyone, I want to be sharing it with.
For me, it has gotten better as the pain has subsided, and IT WILL SUBSIDE, but I definitely know that my PURPOSEFUL efforts toward filling 60 seconds with distance run has aided in more quickly healing the hurt. Do what you need for now and grow from there.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 390
Hi Spirited, I think you're doing well, and the key will be not to think about it too much because analyzing yourself (and things in general) is likely going to lead to crazy-making. Am I doing enough? Too much?
When I first found al anon, I went because it was a relief to find like-minded folks who really understood. I went to learn their stories of ESH. Now that I've been 8 months in the program, I also bought several readers, was doing a lot of meditation, going to meetings, coffee with members, etc. But as I was 'doing' all these things, the REAL stuff of the program started to work within me, almost with me not realizing it because I was so caught up in the outward action things like reading. But day after day, I slowly realized that I was happier, more at peace, more able to cope and let go of controlling others. Give yourself a break - it's like being in a new relationship. You're in the honeymoon phase. And that's ok, especially if it's making you feel better!
After our many years of living with active alcoholism and everything it brings, it's no wonder that many of us jump in with similar 'crazies' into al anon. I think it's natural, but as the program really starts to work, you will find a balance. Don't obsess about it. Just think to yourself that everything you are doing, you are supposed to be doing. You are meant to be immersed in it right now, so just go with it. In time, you will know how the rest will fold out.
My group had their anniversary yesterday, and the al anon speaker said something really poignant - she said she lives the program every day, even though she no longer has active alcoholism in her life and she's been in the program for over 20 years. She said that's why they call it alcohol "ISM" and not alcohol "WASM".
When I first found al anon, I went because it was a relief to find like-minded folks who really understood. I went to learn their stories of ESH. Now that I've been 8 months in the program, I also bought several readers, was doing a lot of meditation, going to meetings, coffee with members, etc. But as I was 'doing' all these things, the REAL stuff of the program started to work within me, almost with me not realizing it because I was so caught up in the outward action things like reading. But day after day, I slowly realized that I was happier, more at peace, more able to cope and let go of controlling others. Give yourself a break - it's like being in a new relationship. You're in the honeymoon phase. And that's ok, especially if it's making you feel better!
After our many years of living with active alcoholism and everything it brings, it's no wonder that many of us jump in with similar 'crazies' into al anon. I think it's natural, but as the program really starts to work, you will find a balance. Don't obsess about it. Just think to yourself that everything you are doing, you are supposed to be doing. You are meant to be immersed in it right now, so just go with it. In time, you will know how the rest will fold out.
My group had their anniversary yesterday, and the al anon speaker said something really poignant - she said she lives the program every day, even though she no longer has active alcoholism in her life and she's been in the program for over 20 years. She said that's why they call it alcohol "ISM" and not alcohol "WASM".
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
I need to just voice a little warning here about the idea of "just do what feels good." Let's face it, alcoholics drink because it feels good to them (at least initially); addicts use because it feels good to them (at least initially); codies get into sick relationships because it feels good to them (at least initially).
Being overly responsible; being perfectionistic; engaging in compulsive, inappropriate caretaking; playing savior; taking care of everything and everybody except ourselves.....all of these things make us feel good -- at least superficially and initially.
I very, very seriously doubt that the best gauge of what I should be doing as a realtively new person in recovery is whether or not it feels good to me.
As they say, my best thinking (and, you might as well add "feeling") is what got me here in the first place, and it's probably reasonable to assume that it's going to take a little time (or a lot of time) before I'm going to be able to make good, healthy decisions based on what feels good to me. In fact, in the areas of my life most powerfully influenced by my core woundings and the issues arising from those, it is quite likely that I may never be able to good, healthy decisions based solely on what feels good to me.
That is why I have a HP, a "sponsor," meetings, a program, and lots of phone lists with the names and numbers of program people. That is why I use all of those things. That is why my program, to a large extent, is about staying connected to all of those things.
And that is why, in order to benefit the most from all of those things, quiet and calm and patience and the willingness to let go of the (illusion of) control are absolutely vital to my being able to practice discernment.
I cannot do this by myself, trusting in my own will, my own thinking, and most certainly not my own feelings. I have to learn to do the right thing, not the thing that makes me feel good right now (with, of course, the faith that the right thing is going to make me feel even better and more important ways and for more extended periods of time down the road).
freya
Being overly responsible; being perfectionistic; engaging in compulsive, inappropriate caretaking; playing savior; taking care of everything and everybody except ourselves.....all of these things make us feel good -- at least superficially and initially.
I very, very seriously doubt that the best gauge of what I should be doing as a realtively new person in recovery is whether or not it feels good to me.
As they say, my best thinking (and, you might as well add "feeling") is what got me here in the first place, and it's probably reasonable to assume that it's going to take a little time (or a lot of time) before I'm going to be able to make good, healthy decisions based on what feels good to me. In fact, in the areas of my life most powerfully influenced by my core woundings and the issues arising from those, it is quite likely that I may never be able to good, healthy decisions based solely on what feels good to me.
That is why I have a HP, a "sponsor," meetings, a program, and lots of phone lists with the names and numbers of program people. That is why I use all of those things. That is why my program, to a large extent, is about staying connected to all of those things.
And that is why, in order to benefit the most from all of those things, quiet and calm and patience and the willingness to let go of the (illusion of) control are absolutely vital to my being able to practice discernment.
I cannot do this by myself, trusting in my own will, my own thinking, and most certainly not my own feelings. I have to learn to do the right thing, not the thing that makes me feel good right now (with, of course, the faith that the right thing is going to make me feel even better and more important ways and for more extended periods of time down the road).
freya
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