spiritedgrl123

Well to give you a summary of the situation-I have two older brothers whom I am not close with. The oldest E is 18 yrs older than me and was drafted into the service when I was born. The younger of the two J is seven years older and he and I were once very close (that story for another time)
My problem, and why I had to come to this board is that I believe SIL (E's wife and also the daughter/sister of A) has repeated things that I had posted on the other boards, as BOTH of my brother's have made comments in reference to what I posted about them. Now she either shared it with her husband/my brother E, or deliberately showed him the posts. My other brother J lives 3 hrs away and also made a comment about my post when speaking with our mother. Both comments, made by BOTH brothers could only have been made if they actually were informed of my post.
Over the weekend I find out that some other problems I had with my son have also found there way 3 hrs down the road to my other brother's house. This upset both my son and myself and was NO ONE'S business but me and my son's.
Then I find out today that there is another situation where SIL is telling me one thing that my nephew supposedly said, and I call my nephew and he tells me POINT BLANK that he has NO IDEA what she is talking about.
I've gotten to the point where I gave up my home forum for her because of it. I am almost to the point of giving up my home group because I don't feel like I can really share there openly anymore with her being there (and I am the one who led her there for help) and that is breaking my heart. Now today I find myself ready to severe any kind of communication with her at all.
The sad part is that my son and hers are 5mths apart and have grown up like brothers-though I'd never seperate them, I know if I say anything and speak my mind it will start yet another family feud (my brothers and I do not speak really now), and somehow it is ALWAYS my fault. The other dilema I face is being a single mom, SIL has helped me on many occassions get my son on the school bus when they have delays so that I can ge to work on time.
I am just really crushed by all of this. I HATE drama, and realize that her growing up in an A drama filled world, makes her feed into it, and being an A herself (though she says she isn't anymore since she had her son 11 yrs ago-lol). I hate turmoil, I hate having to walk away from my home group where I felt like family, and I hate the thoughts of it causing problems with the boys, but I am soooooooo at my wits end with all the craziness. It seems I am constantly upset by her, and maybe she wants me to leave the home group I don't know.
Please.........any ESH would be awesome. I really am not sure which way to turn on this one.......except to maybe just turn it over.
thanks for letting me share
spirit

ItsmeAlice

I am all for turning it over. I have found keeping my recovery as much to myself as I can saves me the heartache of having to defend myself to anyone. It never fails when someone (friend or family) asks me how things are going in my life with my ABF, there is always something they disagree with that I'm doing. I get advice to do things that I know are enabling. Something I say to them inevitably ends up getting back to my ABF, and I have to explain my feelings completely out of context, which would never work with an addict (as if reasoning my feelings to an addict would work in reality).

My humble support is all I can give. Maybe a break is in order? Bring your recovery back home, out of your group, out of earshot of family and friends, and stick with being the best example you can be to your son. One that rises above pettiness and gossip. Let everyone ruminate on what they already know, but don't feed the fire with more information. Then, when the fire has died and no one is interested in what you're up to, try going back to your group to reconnect there.

Find some peace where you can. I hope you keep posting.

Alice

sailorjohn

My experience, hindsight, don't tell anyone about your online support, period!
All you can do is turn it over, and in future you might consider limiting your online sharing at boards you have told others about.

Freedom1990

On the subject of giving up your home group, here's a suggestion, and my suggestion only.

You can still attend your home group, but just share in a general way. Save the detailed conversations of what's going on in your life with your sponsor one-on-one.

Just some food for thought. :ghug :ghug