Am I selfish?
 

Am I being selfish, or am I looking afer me? I'm not sure. The kids have half term in a couple of weeks, that means 3 of them off school running round the house and all the other stuff teenagers do.

I could take the week off work, it'd be easy. But I'm not, I'm going to work and the kids will be at my mums if I'm away for more than a couple of hours. They haven't been for a few weeks because I changed my contract and I dont do nights anymore.

I've booked the week after off work though, so I can have some time to myself. I'm bringing up 3 kids by myself I reckon I deserve it from time to time.

Am I being too selfish? My parents are only going to have the lads for a few hours three days. The lads will be out fishing anyway, mum is just going to feed them really.

I just got this sudden rush of guilt for taking the week off after their holiday, I spend time with them after school all the time and I'm usually off for their holidays, but this time I want me time.

You deserve to give yourself at least as much care and nurturing as you give others. Not selfish at all.

But, FWIW, I also struggle with the same thoughts when I do for myself. :)

L

Not selfish at all. My daughter used to ask why I never took time off work when she was home from school. LOL!!

Being selfish??? NOPE NOPE NOPE

Besides I am sure the 'boys' would rather spend time with gramppa FISHING than time with Mom and Aunt, roflmao

After all you have been through ..................................... I am very happy to see that you are seriously planning some 'ME TIME'.

Good for you!!!!! Have some fun doing absolutely nothing!

Love and hugs,

Whole heartedly agree with the others, Lucy. If we don't take care of ourselves and give ourselves the love and attention we need and deserve, who will? Have a wonderful, relaxing week to yourself, doing whatever suits your fancy each day!

If you feel you need that time to yourself then absolutely go for it. I'm a single parent but to children younger and less self-reliant than yours so my chances for "time off" are more limited. But when I do get that chance, even if it's just a day or even just an afternoon, I grab it with both hands as I really do benefit from a bit of me-time. I understand the guilty feelings, but that's tempered because my kids seem to benefit from some time away from me, too - I like to think that's just because when they see how other families work, they appreciate how fantastic a dad I am. I hope. :thinking:

You're not just a mother and an employee, you're a person in your own right. You are allowed to do things that are good for you, too.

Mr B.

Nope, you are not selfish. Self care is not selfish. It can be one of the things that let us cares for others in a healthy manner.

Thanks guys, I think I knew what you'd all say but I needed to hear it too.

I feel a bit guilty about my folks looking after the boys for full days, but then I'd feel guilty if they didn't see their grandkids too.

I'm taking the me time :lmao I do need it and I deserve it.

I'm going to paint my bedroom and make it into my space. It's the only unpersonalised room in the house and it's about time it was done.

If my 3 teenage boys were here by my side i would read them your post and ask them what they thought. Ha, wait let me go ask them :-), really......

15 year old: going to grandparents, why would she feel guilty, no she shouldn't.
19 year old: No, everyone needs some "time off" from the people they are always with, including their kids.
17 year old: said you shouldn't feel guilty but he would want you to switch your vacation and spend that time together.

My question: If you were married and you and your husband wanted to take a vacation without the kids would you get over your motherly guilty feelings? How important is your kids feeling about this in regards to your decision?

I think it is good role modelling for our children to sometimes see Mum put herself first. How many of us got into our abusive/co-dependant relationships because deep down we truly believed that a mother should be a martyr based on what we saw of our parents' relationship?

I am no mother, but the idea that women need to welcome others and accept whatever is handed out is very much part of th ewway I grew up. I am not that old, but I do think it might be a generational thing for the most part.

I just graduated from a business program and my younger classmates (male and female) have different much more equal standards for men and women. Granted that might just be at the workplace.

This bit really made me think!
My kids feelings are always very important to me, but they're getting older and they do their own thing a lot of the time, I accommodate that and I'm happy they're growing up to be independant.
We spend time together a lot and we do all kinds of things together.
But yet, we're all individuals and independant at times.
Maybe it's time for me to claim back some of my independance now that they're old enough. Maybe we'll even appreciate each other more because of it.
I'm taking the time off anyway with no guilty feelings (not going anywhere, I'll be home when the boys get home from school and they'll only be with their grandparents for a couple of hours when they're off school)

Lucy, I think it is great that you have some 'me time' planned. I truely believe this is vital to everyone and I agree with the poster who said that this is a good model for the boys to mirror from you.

My mum never took 'me time' and I grew up thinking it was selfish too and that if I ever did take time off I had to spend it with my daughter or another family member. Nowadays, I book a day off work occasionally just to have a relaxing day of getting dressed late, take myself shopping, watching my favourite films, having long baths, play music etc etc.

I think generally speaking; when we have children our life becomes so consumed with them and their needs (which it needs to be at first when they are too young to do for themselves) that we put ourselves on a back burner for years on end (more so I think if you are a single parent).

When they get to growing up and time begins to free up, it feels almost alien to do for yourself anymore, however I think this is important to get back some time to ourselves as if we did not and then they move out into the world, would we be left with the 'empty nest' syndrome?

I am at the place where my daughter is just beginning to spend time out of the house with friends and it is as much a learning curve for me as it is for her. At first I found myself feeling uncomfortable with the silence in the house and worrying about her, that is still there to an extent, but i am much better now at filling up my time and actually enjoying the space!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx