Another Survey Question
 

I went to my first AlAnon meeting when I was married to abusive/Active/dry drunk EXAH-I never went back, why I'm not sure but I think because I wanted a quick fix for EXAH that I didn't get.

My second meeting,about a year later, was after he and I split up-I never went back-I figured no A=No problem-I didn't need to be there.

My third meeting, almost 11yrs later I think, was after a bad break up with EXABF(though I did start working the program online almost 3 months before we split up)
I'm still going, though he is not in the picture anymore. I'm pretty damamaged right now, I know that, but will I need to be in the program for the rest of my life? Sometimes I think "without a doubt", other times I wonder....

My question is......

How many of you are still in AlAnon, even though the A that you were with (the one who likely "sent" you here, for lack of a better word), is no longer a part of your life? And how long have you been in the program?

How many are still with the A?


Thanks for sharing your stories, your recovery and your ESH.
Your friend in recovery
spirit
:ghug

I went once, I loved it and felt 'connected', unfortunately the nearest meeting to me is a one and a half hour ride away and I work on a rota which changes every week, so I haven't managed to get there again, yet.
My brother was the one 'who sent me there' I suppose. Although I'd been around here a while and knew al anon was for me, not him.
My brother died a short while ago, but I still intend to go back to the meeting as soon as I can, and as often as I can.

I divorced the A back in 1989. I thought the 'problem' was solved.

I didn't hit a codependent bottom until 1999 when the ex-fiance walked out on me, and that's when I realized I truly needed the Alanon program.

Nowadays, it's not so much that I need it, but I truly want it because my life is far better with a program.

I went to some AlAnon meetings 2 summers ago...My father is an alcoholic...I initially liked the meetings, but I came to find some, um for lack of better words, "creepy" dudes, who would try to get numbers, and not for the reasons they should....I think a few guys were just looking for some vulnerable women...not all though, some were genuinely there because they needed and wanted to be...I got some good things out of the meetings, but they weren't for me...Also, it's kind of funny, but when you give some people control, even over the smallest things, it goes to their head...Sometimes the meeting leaders had that attitude, I actually found it kind of amusing lol.

I am currently going. I am seperated from AH.

I do not know how long I will go. I just keep coming back, because it Works if You Work it ;)

Truely the program has helped me tons! I am no longer the judgemental person I once was. I have changed in many ways for the better! and I never thought I needed to change a thing...lol

I was the same way in the beginning though. I wanted a quick fix. I thought these people aren't like me. My husband will get better. WOW was I wrong!

Some of the people in my home group A's are in recovery for many years, some are still drinking, some are dead and have been dead for a long time. Some of the A's passed away a long time before the person started going to al-anon.

I guess my point is, we call come in our own time, and we are all welcome whether the A is drinking or not, alive or dead, in our lives or out.

Both of my main qualifiers are in recovery; I still go to Al-Anon and have no plans to stop unless I possibly switch over to CoDA.

I started going @ 15 years ago. In the beginning I went to meetings constantly. I lived in NYC and had so many options - although I settled on 2 favorite groups - one was a lunch time meeting that happened 5 days a week (and I did go 5 days sometimes!) and the other was an evening meeting once a week. I eventually kept going once a week for years. With small children I stopped going - but when my marriage fell apart I found a way to go regularly again....and nowadays I go sporadically - I try not to go just when I'm in a crisis - I try to go when it is just a regular day in the life -- this keeps me on track and reminds me why it is such a good program for living life!

The A's in my family are all blood relatives - my brothers and my late father, my grandmother was also an alkie and a couple of uncles (father's bros). I thought I was very clever making sure I didn't marry an alcoholic!

Ha!

It was terrifying when I realized I had recreated EXACTLY the dynamic of my parent's marriage. Back to AlAnon and therapy and I really feel like I have come such a long way in my understanding of codependency, and understanding what growing up in an alcoholic family did to me! I have so much gratitude for all the anonymous folks at meetings who have taught me so much about how to become the human being I'd like to be!!

peace,
b

I went to Al-Anon regularly for about a year in all after I split from my AXGF. I haven't been back in a while due mainly to childcare commitments and partly because I haven't really felt the need. I still keep in touch with some of the friends I made there; sometimes we talk Al-Anon, most of the time we just catch up about "normal" stuff.

At the time I went it did make a difference and I did get a lot of support from the meetings. That support, and that feeling of not being the only person in the world experiencing this, was hugely important then. Personally, I think I got more progress from one-on-one counselling as issues could be explored from different angles and in a more interactive way.

Mr B.

while still living with aw i attended alanon religiously, often several times per week. i got to know many nice people there. met some whose stories made me cry. recall children of alcoholics that were lifelong alanon'ers. usually crying at meetings.

i also attended rehab center family support groups. eventually i becam an open AA meeting regular. hearing first hand the stories of recovering alcs helped me immensely to better understand my aw. i remain friend with aa members, who by the way, have given great advice on dealing with my actively aw.

other things in my life have surfaced(resurfaced) that keep me busy; hobbies, sports, etc. part of success at alanon/aa is "surrender" why continue to "beat myself up" when I have zero control over her drinking, thinking, or lifestyle.

occasionally i will attend an aa meeting.

I went to Alanon weekly for 5 years before I filed for my divorce. It was the only thing that kept me sane!

For the last two years, my attendance decreased, partly due to work schedules, being a new single parent, and I didn't feel as much need. Honestly, something else too... I'd had my fill of talk of misery, and needed to get with other healthy people again. Since my separation, I have pushed myself to get involved in new community groups, and outings to things I've never before attended. It's another way to leave the past in the past.

Now, when I need some understanding as it relates to my X when the topic surfaces, I come here!

I can't give dates or times of the year because I was so sick when I started Alanon. I went because my medical Doctor told me to go. My youngest was 7. I went to Alanon and the I started to see light. I can't explain it better than to say I was living in a very dark heavy place before Alanon.
After a while, I got busy with life and stoped going. I had the books, I had several years under my belt I thought I could manage on a "home study" alanon. Did that for a few years until I had to go back. Husband was drinking the whole time.

Now I come here to SR, sometimes to just read ,sometimes to post.
I attend open AA meetings weekly, and was going to a big book meeting that my husbands sponser puts on. They are going thought the 12 and 12 now.
Husband found AA 5 years ago now. I haven't been going to the 12 and 12 study, for me its a boundry thing there was person there that my gut told me to be wary of. (he just went to prison for hitting his wife, gut was right, not sure if I will return to the book study, need to do another gut check regarding doing what is right for me. )
I still have to work a program for myself. I have to work very hard even though he is not drinking to keep the focus on myself and not let him run me over. So I guess I am saying my program has changed with me. I am not going to Alanon at this time because I am getting my ESH from the open AA meeting, and here. But that could change tomorrow.