The Financial Costs of living with an Alcoholic

Old 05-04-2009, 06:58 AM
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The Financial Costs of living with an Alcoholic

I've been doing some thinking on this as I look back on the27 years with my AH. WOW... it really takes it's toll financially.

When we first got married, my AH had 2 previous OWI tickets. (I only knew about one). Our auto insurance was hard to pay for several years during those early years of our marriage. A real handicap. As a result, our cars were used, to lower the premiums and payments.

The cost of his treatment programs each time were over $7,000.00 and he was in inpatient twice. That cost was after insurance coverage. At the time the most the insurance covered was 50%.

The counseling bills were always part of our budget it seemed. I lost track of the total, but it was well up there in the 4 digits.

The fines. The court costs.

The loss of income due to his lack of promotions.

The general healthcare costs from alcohol related illnesses and accidents. My X broke his heel and incurred over $20K in surgical costs... as a result of a fall from a tree, and yes, he was intoxicated at the time.

The cost of bankruptcy. The judgements from repossessed cars.

The cost of things broken due to his drunken outbursts.... all little, but they add up.

And finally, the cost of the divorce. My costs for that will total over $10K.

Oh, I forgot to add in the cost of the alcohol!!!! He'd consume on average 2 quarts of vodka a week, each retailing at $18.00 I'm guessing. I never bought it.

These staggering expenses alone are enough to give a person grief!
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Old 05-04-2009, 07:13 AM
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It is an expensive habit, for sure.

Congratulations on your new financial independance! It must feel like a weight has been lifted; you are not financially responsible for someone elses consequences!

Good luck on your upcoming job interview!
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:26 AM
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Wow, it really is a lot when you break it down like that... My AH totalled a car in Sept (driving drunk) that we had just thrown $800 into for repairs that same week...I had to pay $200 for tow bill and didn't even get money from scrapping it because I had to sign it over to the garage to avoid another $350 in storage fees. He also went to the hospital for that accident and had $18K in bills from catscans on his head that was gashed open...plus 4 staples put in. He had a DUI with major fines and court costs as well as raised insurance costs...which also resulted in a suspended license when I had to waste gas driving him back and forth to work all the time (rather than him driving one round trip). I can't even begin to imagine how much was actually spent on alcohol...There was also a huge job promotion coming up for him at one job (into a management position) that he missed out on because he got fired for drinking and being a no-show. I can definitely sympathize!
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Old 05-04-2009, 09:24 AM
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Yup, putting it in financial terms like you ahve lays out some of the real consequences of choosing to mary or staying with and A. Perhaps such a look will help some other person realize that the chocie to stay married has some very real costs beyond the emotional ones.

I know my credit record took a huge hit and I have debts I would not have otherwise had. But choices all have consequences, good and bad.

I ahve come to prefer looking at the good consequences of my bad choice to marry the man. At least I have finally dealt with my own issues that led me to that bad choice.
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Old 05-04-2009, 09:52 AM
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Old 05-04-2009, 11:53 AM
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Don't forget about the cost of YOUR medical bills - stress from living with active alcoholism/addiction can cause our health to be horrible!

Not to mention the non-financial cost -

cost of the loss of peace of mind, sanity, serenity, safety, trust in ourselves, sleep, and relationships with our family and friends.

Many of these I gave up a little a time - inch by inch - not really seeing that I was losing each of these to the disease - Now not living with active addiction I can see it - living in it made it hard to see it.

Happy to be recovering finanically, emotionally, spiritually and physically,
Rita
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Old 05-04-2009, 09:01 PM
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((( Rita ))) and ((( Trying2survive )))
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Old 05-05-2009, 12:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Trying2survive View Post

These staggering expenses alone are enough to give a person grief!

"Staggering expenses"

You hit the nail right on the head, expenses related to his staggering
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Old 05-06-2009, 09:05 PM
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it definitely takes a toll on all of your life... during the yrs since my xabf left, I realize how much was lost. I now have my finances back, so there are no bounced checks, overdrafts, late fees, court fees, my paycheck covers My living expenses, once again
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Old 05-07-2009, 04:23 AM
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And if you have had children with the A, little to no child support.

Also, I was shocked to find that my husband was able to get credit cards in both our names before the divorce without my knowledge, then file for bankruptcy without telling me when he'd maxed them out after the divorce. If his lawyer hadn't pushed it, I would have been stuck with the balances. As it was, I, too, had to join in the bankruptcy to avoid that.
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Old 05-08-2009, 08:54 AM
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The cost of having a alcoholism is a tragedy played out in almost every home with a long term alcoholic - the family usually suffers serious and devastating financial problems that have long term, lifetime consequences.

Property and alcoholism many times go hand in hand. You just don't incur the loss of an income, but all the additional expenses that go along with it.

Over the years alcoholism cost our family hundreds of thousands of dollars. I didn't marry an alcoholic... but he slowly and secretly progressed into the deepest depths of alcoholism all while putting enormous energy into hiding his addiction. He went from very productive and hard working .. to a high functioning alcoholic .. and eventually to a sickly confused late stage alcoholic that consumed thousands of dollars every month with no financial contribution to his family.

Many of the causes for our financial problems already mentioned above were factors .. along with the ones below.

This is money that was lost forever ..... there was no longer a college fund, no retirement savings and emergency money. My kids will be stuck with large student loans that will take many years to pay off ... and my retirement funds are almost non existent.

My AH started secretly taking out credit cards to pay bills that further increased out debt... and high interest rates further diminished our income. Soon our once good credit was destroyed that we worked hard for decades to maintain. He had bills send to our business PO box so I wouldn't know about them.

When my AH became so out of control he could no longer live with us ... we also incurred the high expense of him living in his own place. This same situation was also played out with my alcoholic dad .. no financial support plus all his additional living expenses.

Our health insurance rates were sky high due to all his alcohol related illnesses. Since we have private insurance, we could not switch to a less expensive new policy because of his "pre existing" conditions.

Our 20 year old business gradually started falling apart when my AH started secretly drinking during the working day. He always blamed everything and everyone for why this business started losing income. Strangely, when he sobered up for 2 years, our income shot up quickly as his ability to focus and work hard returned. When he started secretly drinking once more, the business again went downhill.

I struggled for years working 7 days a week, long hours every day .. barely keeping our family financially afloat so we could stay in our home and have some stability ... more importantly so my kids could stay in one of the top ranked public high schools in the country that allowed them to get into the colleges of their choice ... and have a better future. However, it has come at a high cost of years of never ending work, little sleep and incredible stress.

I could go on and on ... the true cost is enormous and life changing for all involved. It is so much better if children can have 2 healthy supportive parents to care for them... both financially and emotionally ... this has been proven over and over again.

This insidious sickness tears apart such a millions of lives every year, destroys families and thrusts them into financial ruin ... and costs our country billions of dollars due to lost productivity, illness and accidents and injuries from drunk drivers.

I sincerely hope that someday this destructive madness will end and there will finally be a successful solution for alcohol and drug addictions.
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Old 05-08-2009, 09:54 AM
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My history is so much the same, it is scary! So terrifying, at times I was so taken back — I was paralized.

This experience will take years to repair, and I don't know if I'll ever get back to where I once was financially, however that is my goal and where I will find some peace.
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Old 05-08-2009, 10:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Seeking Wisdom View Post
I sincerely hope that someday this destructive madness will end and there will finally be a successful solution for alcohol and drug addictions.
There is, they call them 12-step programs.
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Old 05-08-2009, 10:51 AM
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Yes, I've been there too. Years of it. Plus, my STXAH spent over $10,000 last year at the bar, plus took money out of the kid's savings accounts to pay for THEIR Christmas (his logic was "well, I put it in there" but it was supposed to be toward collage when they got older). I would hate to add up all of the expenses due to alcohol, but my best guess is that it probably would have paid off the mortgage on our house with some left over.

Since we seperated I have discovered that the grocery bill has dropped by $150 a week (no buying cigerettes for him and Monster drinks to help him wake up in the morning or junk food, etc). He complained last week that HE spent over $200 on a trip to the grocery store just for HIM!!!!!!:wtf2

On the plus side, I'm eating better and am a lot less stressed - so I'm loosing weight and I feel much better in so many ways (and so do the kids). Even though all of that money is gone for good, I did leave with something much more valuable then money - my serenity - and HE is NOT getting that because I WON'T LET HIM HAVE IT EVER AGAIN - IT IS MINE!
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