He's lost it!
I'm growing
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
He's lost it!
Okay I am trying to remain calm right now.
AH foud out that I spoke to a lawyer. I am pretty sure he got into my e-mail account and read my e-mail.
He has lost it! I can imagine what he is going through....but he is not in a good frame of mind right now. I stopped answering his calls last night and then he just showed up at my apt!!! I didn't answer the door either.
He called this morning and I thought things may have calmed down and we could talk about it. WELL I was wrong! and Now He says he is coming over to take my car (again!) Ahhh!
I guess am just going to hunker down and ignore the door until he leaves. It shouldn't have to be like this! Maybe I will call my sponsor.
AH foud out that I spoke to a lawyer. I am pretty sure he got into my e-mail account and read my e-mail.
He has lost it! I can imagine what he is going through....but he is not in a good frame of mind right now. I stopped answering his calls last night and then he just showed up at my apt!!! I didn't answer the door either.
He called this morning and I thought things may have calmed down and we could talk about it. WELL I was wrong! and Now He says he is coming over to take my car (again!) Ahhh!
I guess am just going to hunker down and ignore the door until he leaves. It shouldn't have to be like this! Maybe I will call my sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hi,
Change your email password immediately. There is no reason for him to have access to that.
Does he own the car?
If you are in danger, go to a friend's house for the day or somehwhere to get out of your apt. Does he have keys to your apt? If so, get the locks changed.
Take care of yourself.
Miss
Change your email password immediately. There is no reason for him to have access to that.
Does he own the car?
If you are in danger, go to a friend's house for the day or somehwhere to get out of your apt. Does he have keys to your apt? If so, get the locks changed.
Take care of yourself.
Miss
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. If he doesn't own the car, I'd get in it, go to your Sponsor's house or someone else in the Program or go to some Meetings at places he doesn't know about. Don't just sit there waiting for him to come and terrorize you. The anticipation alone can be awful and if he's drinking, there's no telling what he could do. Am I trying to scare you? NO, but just want you to be extra cautious.
You may have to look into a temporary restraining order if he continues to react this way. When my ex and I were seperated, I had to get one. Most people realize the implications if they break the restraining order and it's enough to stop the unwanted calls and knocks on the door.
Stay safe,
Judy
You may have to look into a temporary restraining order if he continues to react this way. When my ex and I were seperated, I had to get one. Most people realize the implications if they break the restraining order and it's enough to stop the unwanted calls and knocks on the door.
Stay safe,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Please check these sticky threads on leaving, abuse, and stalking. You'll find some information there that will help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2-leaving.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2-leaving.html
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
If you can't leave, please, call the police when he shows up at your door. That is stalking and harrassment and you deserve peace and safety and security.
Do all you can to be safe! Hugs and prayers, HG
P.S. I agree....change your e-mail password or, better yet, get a new address. Change your phone number, block his calls, turn off the phones!!!!
Do all you can to be safe! Hugs and prayers, HG
P.S. I agree....change your e-mail password or, better yet, get a new address. Change your phone number, block his calls, turn off the phones!!!!
I'm growing
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
I thought about leaving, but I didn't want to accidently run into him while I was loading up the kids in the car. He never came! He has called once and I didn't answer.
I changed my password last night and then he got into my e-mail again, I had to change the security code too. I will probably just use a different e-mail adress from now on.
I think I will leave now though just to be away. I am going to pick up older dd froma friends house and take the kids out to lunch.
The car is in his name, the car he drives is in my name. I would gladly switch, but I am not sure if there is insurance on the other car. I know he got kicked off the insurance after his DUI. I am also fairly confident he doesn't even have a driver's license.
This is the reason I want the legal seperation so this is no longer an option for him. He has found a way to mess with my serenity and keeps doing it. I really need to talk this out so I can figure out what I CAN do for myself and the kids, to put and end to this.
ETA: I would definately have called the police on him. He probably knows I would and that is why he didn't show.
I changed my password last night and then he got into my e-mail again, I had to change the security code too. I will probably just use a different e-mail adress from now on.
I think I will leave now though just to be away. I am going to pick up older dd froma friends house and take the kids out to lunch.
The car is in his name, the car he drives is in my name. I would gladly switch, but I am not sure if there is insurance on the other car. I know he got kicked off the insurance after his DUI. I am also fairly confident he doesn't even have a driver's license.
This is the reason I want the legal seperation so this is no longer an option for him. He has found a way to mess with my serenity and keeps doing it. I really need to talk this out so I can figure out what I CAN do for myself and the kids, to put and end to this.
ETA: I would definately have called the police on him. He probably knows I would and that is why he didn't show.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Hopefully it will all blow over. When my STBXAH found out I filed he immediately moved his several thousand dollars worth of guns, got a receipt that he sold them all for $19.00, took ALL of my jewelry, moved all of the money out of the account, and got drunk, vile, and called me names and told the kids things he never should have.
He then talked to an attorney and magically my jewelry re-appeared, the money was deposited back in the account, and he started AA and counseling. I did find out a few days ago that the AA and counseling was at the request of his attorney (his attorney told mine) and I'm assuming it is either in an effort to get me to call it off or to win favor with the judge. Neither will happen.
All I can say is for you to keep working a program, see a counselor if there is any way you can swing it, keep coming here, stay focused on what you CAN control. And it goes without saying that the safety of you and your children is #1 priority.....that means calling the police, getting a restraining order, ANYTHING you need to do to stay safe. Hang in there......there are MUCH brighter days ahead!
He then talked to an attorney and magically my jewelry re-appeared, the money was deposited back in the account, and he started AA and counseling. I did find out a few days ago that the AA and counseling was at the request of his attorney (his attorney told mine) and I'm assuming it is either in an effort to get me to call it off or to win favor with the judge. Neither will happen.
All I can say is for you to keep working a program, see a counselor if there is any way you can swing it, keep coming here, stay focused on what you CAN control. And it goes without saying that the safety of you and your children is #1 priority.....that means calling the police, getting a restraining order, ANYTHING you need to do to stay safe. Hang in there......there are MUCH brighter days ahead!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
First of all, I am sorry you are going through all of this. My ex showed similar behavior during the end of our marriage, and it is very hard to deal with especially if you have kids.
That being said....
Even if the car he is driving has insurance, is it in your name alone? He probably isn't on the insurance if he has had DUI problems, am I right? If so, you may be liable if he gets into an accident driving it. If it is yours, just have it towed. If it is in your name and you can prove it, there is nothing to say (that I know of) that could prevent you from moving your own car. You can always get another set of keys. Just leave the other car in its place. Not sure this would work, but you could talk to a cop or lawyer and see if you are within your rights. At least it would be one less reason for him to be bothering you. Insurance is not your problem - its his. If you can get the car back, just switch coverage to your car and that should be it.
As for the police, you could just file an informational report with them re: what has been going on. It isn't a criminal report, but at least if something develops later you have a record of what has been happening. Make sure you write everything down in a notebook, too. - what he does and when, the effect on you and the kids - everything. It really helped me in my proceedings. And it helped when I started to feel sorry for him and wanted to cut him a break - I would re-read all the s**t I had to put up with and helped strengthen my resolve towards moving on with my life.
It will get better after all of this is over. Promise!
That being said....
Even if the car he is driving has insurance, is it in your name alone? He probably isn't on the insurance if he has had DUI problems, am I right? If so, you may be liable if he gets into an accident driving it. If it is yours, just have it towed. If it is in your name and you can prove it, there is nothing to say (that I know of) that could prevent you from moving your own car. You can always get another set of keys. Just leave the other car in its place. Not sure this would work, but you could talk to a cop or lawyer and see if you are within your rights. At least it would be one less reason for him to be bothering you. Insurance is not your problem - its his. If you can get the car back, just switch coverage to your car and that should be it.
As for the police, you could just file an informational report with them re: what has been going on. It isn't a criminal report, but at least if something develops later you have a record of what has been happening. Make sure you write everything down in a notebook, too. - what he does and when, the effect on you and the kids - everything. It really helped me in my proceedings. And it helped when I started to feel sorry for him and wanted to cut him a break - I would re-read all the s**t I had to put up with and helped strengthen my resolve towards moving on with my life.
It will get better after all of this is over. Promise!
I'm growing
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
Thanks so much for your thoughts!
The sad part about this all is I was having a Really good week. I am in counceling and I was able to work through somethings about myself and find greater self awareness.
It feels good to be away from him right now and know I have options. He is continuing to call, but I am not answering the phone. I do not know when I will be ready to talk to him again.
I have a good friend who works with AH and we were talking on the phone last night and she just couldn't believe he was doing these things. She said he is so "normal" at work you would never guess.
The sad part about this all is I was having a Really good week. I am in counceling and I was able to work through somethings about myself and find greater self awareness.
It feels good to be away from him right now and know I have options. He is continuing to call, but I am not answering the phone. I do not know when I will be ready to talk to him again.
I have a good friend who works with AH and we were talking on the phone last night and she just couldn't believe he was doing these things. She said he is so "normal" at work you would never guess.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 125
Twilight Zone at home, normal outside.
Originally Posted by Daisy30 
She said he is so "normal" at work you would never guess.
It's so important to keep in front of ourselves the reality and truth of the situation.
Good luck and be calculated in your actions. You know what he has access to and does not. Protect yourself. Being proactive rather than reactive will save you time, trouble and safety.
Ready.
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