brokenrockstar

I swollowed my fear and went to my first AlAnon meeting last night. I sat there and sobbed. I tried to keep it together but the fact that I even had to be there was embarassing. ABF was far from happy that I was going/went. He kept saying that I didn't love him anymore but the truth is I love him enough to try this route before we leave him.

They were very warm and welcoming. It was empowering that I went. That I did this for me. I still have a problem with letting go and letting god (higher power). When I got home I waited until he feel asleep to check his cellphone. I don't want to be that person anymore!

I also started Codependent No More per one of your recommendations. It arrived on my birthday so I thought that was sure sign that I'm doing the right thing.

One day at a time... one foot infront of the other. I will survive.

Pelican

I was too emotional to speak at my first two meetings. So much emotion. I was sitting in a room of people who cared about me; I was taking a step out of my situation and taking a step into my future; I was not being controlled or trying to control an impossible situation for one hour and it was a huge relief!

The advise I was given and will pass on to you:
"Keep going back, it works if you work it!"

tallulah

:ghug I think crying through your first meeting is pretty much par for the course..

keep going back... try different meetings too.. before you know it you will feel like you always belonged..

as it is said in the closing address.. 'whatever your problems there are those among us who have had them, too... if you try to keep an open mind you will find help.. you will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened..'

GiveLove

I DEFINITELY cried through my first meeting

Good for you -- I'm so glad you did this for yourself. Your life and your child's are so much bigger than the sum of an alcoholic's choices. You have a whole life to craft, with many, many joys ahead of you, no matter what he chooses to do.

Try not to look at it as you "having" to be there, any more than someone who is suffering HAS to go to the doctor to get well. It is something you do for YOU, to make the most of the oh-so-brief time we have been granted here on this planet.

And yes, there will be lots of manipulation - al-anon IS empowering, and that can threatening to an A who really is happy with the way things are right now.

catlovermi

One of the great gifts of Alanon to me has been learning that things I tried desperately to hold in are ok to let out, such as pain and tears.

One of the most useful things I have learned in Alanon is to give myself permissions and rights.

I had never realized the extent to which I had restricted myself of many of these, until I consciously started to pull them out in the open, examine them, and realize I was boxing myself in, and for what reason?

And the ironic thing is that once I started to exercise these permissions and rights, they became normal, and lost all that horrible scariness. It's like the bubble taboo was popped, and I realized what a farce it was. Popping the bubble was empowering, and brought me back my mental health.

Keep coming (going) back! You will be amazed what an Alanon program can do in your life! It feels SO GOOD, to look back, and remember my first meeting (yes, outburst of sobs) and know that today I feel happy, and good, and balanced.

I still have the alkies and addicts in my life, but in different capacities that I control. I'm no longer hostage to their shenanigans or dependent on their fates. I don't have to hate or resent them. As a matter of fact, I can still love them, and encourage them, but from a safe place, from a distance that protects me from the fallout from their lives and choices. I don't have to live in black and white, in agony or ecstacy.

I have profound gratefulness for what Alanon taught me. It taught me how to live, much better.

And I hope I'm a better person, for it.

CLMI

HoopNinja

Good for you for going. I went to my first meeting and there was no meeting--except the AA meeting that I was standing in the middle of when I realized it was not the AlAnon meeting. Fortunately there were not too many people there and the guy who was running it helped me try to find a meeting near where I live.

spikedaball

Good for you for going and overcoming the fear of publicly acknowledging your situation. But, don't be embarrassed. There's no reason for that. Feeling embarrassed feeds the disease of alcoholism. Feeling embarrassed makes us keep our fears, anger, uncertainty to ourselves keeps them secret and makes them worse. Don't be embarrassed. There's no reason to feel that way. You are merely looking for help, help for yourself to deal with a problem that you didn't cause but have to live with.

kj3880

KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB, KCB!!!!!

(that stands for Keep Coming Back!!!)