Please pray for me, my divorce trial is April 30
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Unfortunately Wisconsin's marital property laws are you get half and he gets half--regardless. It stinks but there is nothing you can do. I live in Wisconsin too Trying2Survive. When I found out that AH can get half of my retirement from the FIRST DAY I started work (I thought it was from the time we got married) I was aghast. He doesn't work, I support the family and then he gets half. Does not make sense but that is the law. It does not even make a difference that he is an alcoholic, drug abuser and has severe anger issues--which is why we are getting separated or divorced. It's all no fault in Wisconsin--unless something has changed that I don't know. And of course if he is anything like most AHs there is not a lot of dignitiy left. Better to blame it all on you and take what he can. GRRRRR!
I hope it goes well. I decided to give AH a choice separation or divorce (which will cost me a lot). But if he will not do the legal separation I will bite the bullet and lose what I lose. At least I will still have my sanity.
I hope it goes well. I decided to give AH a choice separation or divorce (which will cost me a lot). But if he will not do the legal separation I will bite the bullet and lose what I lose. At least I will still have my sanity.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Trying2survive--I hope things worked out for you in court today.
Japic05--It does--and you know they originally set it up like that because women would stay home and raise the kids and then their husbands would dump them during their mid-life crisis--no skills to enter to workforce. Somehow I don't think they had in mind someone supporting someone else's alcohol and drug habit--but no one has questioned it.
I do know in WI that if you go to court you can discuss extenuating circumstances. Say for instance the AH was employed at some point in time and making a decent amount (at least close to his wife) and then decides--what the heck, I'm going to drink and get high all day and let her work like a dog to support the family and then she can come home and take care of the kids and house too. The judge can (and sometimes will) order them to get up off their lazy behinds and go look for a job that pays comparable to the one they quit so they could sit at home and get stoned. It is along the lines of workers comp--they have to look for a certain number of jobs a week. Say that was 3 jobs a week--AH would not know what to do. I think he has applied for a total of 6 jobs in 3 YEARS!
Sorry--it does make me upset sometimes that I might have to support his recreational activities--but at least the kids will not think those are normal recreational activities.
Japic05--It does--and you know they originally set it up like that because women would stay home and raise the kids and then their husbands would dump them during their mid-life crisis--no skills to enter to workforce. Somehow I don't think they had in mind someone supporting someone else's alcohol and drug habit--but no one has questioned it.
I do know in WI that if you go to court you can discuss extenuating circumstances. Say for instance the AH was employed at some point in time and making a decent amount (at least close to his wife) and then decides--what the heck, I'm going to drink and get high all day and let her work like a dog to support the family and then she can come home and take care of the kids and house too. The judge can (and sometimes will) order them to get up off their lazy behinds and go look for a job that pays comparable to the one they quit so they could sit at home and get stoned. It is along the lines of workers comp--they have to look for a certain number of jobs a week. Say that was 3 jobs a week--AH would not know what to do. I think he has applied for a total of 6 jobs in 3 YEARS!
Sorry--it does make me upset sometimes that I might have to support his recreational activities--but at least the kids will not think those are normal recreational activities.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
FREEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! I am officially divorced. Thank God.
Today turned out much better than I expected it to. Much better. The judge has not decided on the property settlement, he needs more time to review the history of the marriage, and all the circumstances. I appreciate his diligence. It shows me that he is really thinking what is best.
My X AH looked just awful. Haggered, thin, angry, and very much on the defense. His living conditions are minimal (his consequences, and choices) as he's no longer very employable. A washed up alcoholic. The judge could see it clearly. He had a novice attorney and my attorney was one of the best I could afford. I'll be paying for that for years to come, but it will be worth it. I HAVE PEACE. No more entanglements.
Additional good news, when I got back to my car after court, I'd left my cell phone in my car as they are not allowed in court. I had a voice mail. A good message! I've been laid off from my job since January 09, and I have a JOB INTERVIEW tomorrow!!!!!
God is Good!
Today turned out much better than I expected it to. Much better. The judge has not decided on the property settlement, he needs more time to review the history of the marriage, and all the circumstances. I appreciate his diligence. It shows me that he is really thinking what is best.
My X AH looked just awful. Haggered, thin, angry, and very much on the defense. His living conditions are minimal (his consequences, and choices) as he's no longer very employable. A washed up alcoholic. The judge could see it clearly. He had a novice attorney and my attorney was one of the best I could afford. I'll be paying for that for years to come, but it will be worth it. I HAVE PEACE. No more entanglements.
Additional good news, when I got back to my car after court, I'd left my cell phone in my car as they are not allowed in court. I had a voice mail. A good message! I've been laid off from my job since January 09, and I have a JOB INTERVIEW tomorrow!!!!!
God is Good!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Last evening I met several of my friends to celebrate my divorce. These friends (all long time, "true" friends, that stick with you through thick and thin) had planned this get together, to give me support no matter how it turned out. I was grateful for their gestures, and it was a much needed relief after such a stressful day. It gave me a chance to talk a bit about the day, and then a nice diversion to what actually had taken place — the END of a 27 year marriage. That is a BIG deal, no matter how awful it was. Over half of my life span, and "chapters" of my book that I was most anxious to be done with.
One thing that occurred yesterday in court that really sunk in with me and made me realize that YES, I'd made it, survived, and was going to come out better in the end. It was when my AH took the stand to give his testimony, and our eyes met. We hadn't seen each other for nearly 2 years. What struck me was that there was "nothing". I felt nothing for him, he was like a stranger. I felt none of that emotion of love or attachment, nor hate, nor anger — only "nothing". It was not a void, or emptiness, but rather like that underlying connection we had no longer existed. I can't quite explain it— but it left me with a feeling of finality, and peace.
Thanks for listening.
One thing that occurred yesterday in court that really sunk in with me and made me realize that YES, I'd made it, survived, and was going to come out better in the end. It was when my AH took the stand to give his testimony, and our eyes met. We hadn't seen each other for nearly 2 years. What struck me was that there was "nothing". I felt nothing for him, he was like a stranger. I felt none of that emotion of love or attachment, nor hate, nor anger — only "nothing". It was not a void, or emptiness, but rather like that underlying connection we had no longer existed. I can't quite explain it— but it left me with a feeling of finality, and peace.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Thanks for sharing your good news, and best of luck at the interview!! I have seen over and over that when I'm moving in the right direction I get confirmation in all kinds of ways.
I believe it was no mistake that the call came in WHILE you were in court! As my counselor says, "When you are being true to yourself, heaven and earth cannot hold the blessings that await you"!!
:ghug
I believe it was no mistake that the call came in WHILE you were in court! As my counselor says, "When you are being true to yourself, heaven and earth cannot hold the blessings that await you"!!
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 63
I'm so happy for you that everything went well.
Your AEX's behavior and appearance helped to do him in with the judge.
About you not feeling anything....
The opposite of love is not hate - it's indifference.
You don't feel anything ...no jealousy either.
I discovered this was the case when I divorced my ex in 1984.
It was reinforcement for me that I had done the right thing.
And it should feel that way to you, as well.
A divorce party !
Glad your friends arranged that.
Your AEX's behavior and appearance helped to do him in with the judge.
About you not feeling anything....
The opposite of love is not hate - it's indifference.
You don't feel anything ...no jealousy either.
I discovered this was the case when I divorced my ex in 1984.
It was reinforcement for me that I had done the right thing.
And it should feel that way to you, as well.
A divorce party !
Glad your friends arranged that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I am so happy you are free and what great friends you have--to be there no matter what. And the bonus of a job interview!! What a great thing to come out of the hearing to find. I am happy things went well and the judge is reviewing everything. I am also happy that you have reached a place of indifference. I could feel the smile in your post. Hope the job interview is a huge success!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Thanks everyone for your good wishes, prayers and supportive responses. I can't begin to tell you all just how much it has helped me!
And, I can't quite express the difference I feel. Today, I woke up with the most fabulous feeling of opportunity, freedom and optimism for my future. It's like the dark clouds have finally broken up, and drifted away!!! A whole new beginning.
As for my job interview, you are all right, it couldn't have come at a more exacting appropriate time — just AFTER the final hearing. My AH was looking for alimony... and had I been employed, he would have gotten that. God's amazing timing, I am fully convinced of that! My interview was rescheduled for this coming week, due to a business meeting one of the company officials had already committed to. So I have that to look forward to in the days ahead.
I've got my life back, and it is wonderful!!!!!!!!
And, I can't quite express the difference I feel. Today, I woke up with the most fabulous feeling of opportunity, freedom and optimism for my future. It's like the dark clouds have finally broken up, and drifted away!!! A whole new beginning.
As for my job interview, you are all right, it couldn't have come at a more exacting appropriate time — just AFTER the final hearing. My AH was looking for alimony... and had I been employed, he would have gotten that. God's amazing timing, I am fully convinced of that! My interview was rescheduled for this coming week, due to a business meeting one of the company officials had already committed to. So I have that to look forward to in the days ahead.
I've got my life back, and it is wonderful!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Over the Rainbow
Posts: 24
Your story has given me hope. I haven't left my AH yet (also 27 years) and I to am unemployed at this time. Not a very good situation. But I have hope and I am making plans on doing something positive about the job situation (going back to school).
I can do this! I've always worked through our marriage and I know I can do this.
I can do this! I've always worked through our marriage and I know I can do this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 125
Congratulations!! I truly believe that when you think positively, positive things come. You must have faith and at the moment when it feels like all is for naught, having faith pays off! The Universe, your HP, the Cosmos - everything comes together to work in your favor. But you have to get through the temptation feeling defeated. We all radiate energy!
8
8
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
