ellima01

Well AH boss (or should I say now EX boss) called me today- evidently AH sent him a txt yesterday telling him he "messed up" and was "sorry"- well, his boss is also his friend and kept calling him until he eventually answered the phone. Boss told him he needed to get his self home AH said hes "scared" to come home- whatever- Anyway here's the thing- I answered a call from AH at 5am yesterday morning- 40 hours or so ago. I have not attempted to contact him- he has not attempted to contact me. Thing is - I think me not calling is the right thing- I don't even know if I should answer if he calls- but I have to go back to work Thur night- my 13yr old will be here all night (turns out because of this) all alone. I want to know if he's coming home or not- I don't want him coming here when Im not here so he doesn't have to face me- there is no where else for my son to be and he will be here alone- Should I call and see if I can get some sense of what his crazy intentions are? I know I shouldn't call- the being left hanging about "what will happen next" is driving me nuts!
I just want some closure to this stupid episode too I guess.
ellima01

hadenoughnow

If you really do not want him back in your house you have almost 48 hours to do something about it. I would change the locks ASAP and go to the courthouse to file for a restraining order (if he has been using crack that might be enough to get one). I would not answer his phone calls.

This may sound harsh but I was in the same position once. My exah had a "fit" one night, tried to get our son to leave with him while he was drunk and ran off to a hotel room to call his A BIL threatening to kill himself. I told the BIL to tell AH NOT to come back EVER and I stayed in the house. Well AH came home at 6 am after sleeping off his drunk and tried to act like nothing happened. It took me another 8 weeks to get him out.

What I should have done was call the police and make a report of him threatening suicide and drunk driving then left and filed for a restraining order, he would have been out for good and saved us a lot of A grief.

Bernadette

Have you exhausted all avenues for a place for 13 yr old to sleep over?
I can usually count on another single mom to help me out when I find myself in a bind!
I agree no contact is still the way to go - but do whatever it takes to keep you and your son safe-- whatever it takes means just that...maybe uncomfortable - but safe!
peace,
b

Freedom1990

You don't have to be left hanging. Surely your 13 year old has friends. You have some time to set up somewhere for your son to go. Changing the locks has already been suggested. Take charge of your life because your AH is going to do nothing but circle the drain with you and your son.

ellima01

Thanks- I guess no contact is the way- plus when I talk to him he has this way sometimes of sucking me back in the insanity.
As far as changing the locks/ restraining order- I have thought about all of that- and it may still come to that-- but (God I know this is STUPID) I don't think I am ready to kick him out- I love him so much - it sucks- I know what I'mdoing isn't benefiting him or me- I just can't muster what it takes to actually have him leave- Lord help me.

Lucy06

I might sound harsh here but since you asked our advice, I have to say: think about the safety of your child first. Personally, there is no way I would take the risk of having my child in harms' way, with a drunk and crack addict possibly coming home and messing up badly. There are a number of things you can do but in any case, please, protect the safety of your child, because only YOU can do this. You AH is an adult and is not your responsability. Your child is YOUR responsability.
Best of luck....

blessed4x

And it isn't good for your 13 year old son. If you don't have the strength to do it for yourself, please consider doing it for your son. Ask around here for some stories of people who have grown up in homes like yours (and mine) and you will find the strength. I asked that once, and it made me realize how much damage I was doing by trying to keep our "family" together.

Jadmack25

Your son cannot protect himself, and as his dad is the problem this job falls to you. You may love your husband and not want to have to take action against him, but you need to act for your son's sake. At the moment your husband is showing anything but love for either you or his son, the only love he has is for the booze and crack. Put your feelings for him aside and act to protect yourselves, especially your young boy, from the danger he could well have to face if you do nothing.

You taking a stand could be the action that tips your husband into seeking help.

God bless

Freedom1990

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

It's really sad how the disease cycles from one generation to the next.

What messages do you suppose your son is getting in the midst of the insanity?

You'll be damned lucky if he doesn't end up hooking up with an addict when he grows up, or ends up an addict himself.

Take it from a mother with a 31 year AD.