Update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 10
Update
Hello all,
I thought I would let you all know how things were going. You do of course remember The Questionnaire.
Well, I have made some progress. The AH on the other hand…
I saw the psychiatrist as you all know and he referred me to a therapist, who I saw yesterday. He’s a very polite man. We a nice long chat about most of my situation. He seems to feel that I have never really had anyone in my life (including during childhood) to be “emotionally, there for me.” I have to agree.
My life is just such a huge mess and I really don’t know if I want to go into all my “junk boxes”. I explained to him that I have a put lot of my mental issues regarding my life experiences into “boxes” (compartmentalizing). He said that with therapy we could work together in looking into the boxes and rebuilding my self-esteem. He said I had to look at it, allow myself to feel the pain and feel the sadness about what the pain has caused.
Have any of you gone through psychoanalysis?
As for AH. He’s still being the alcoholic. Today I had an important event at work, so I had to go in early to get prepared. Since he has a dentist appointment at 10AM and wouldn't return to work, he planned for me to drop him off so I could have car. Well, I a little pi$$ed because my work location was closer.
I said. “I need you to drop me off first. I can’t afford to waste the extra time.”
“Fine!” he said after I told him I thought he could manage to stay sober for one afternoon just long enough return to pick me up after work. Yeah, right!
I get a call from him at around the time I was supposed to get off. I asked him where he was. He was home and was drunk. He had left the car for me out in the parking lot and had taken a cab to the dentist’s office, then taken one home. At least he left me the car.
He had probably 10 beers, ate his supper and was fast asleep by 6:30PM. Such a fascinating home life.
I thought I would let you all know how things were going. You do of course remember The Questionnaire.
Well, I have made some progress. The AH on the other hand…
I saw the psychiatrist as you all know and he referred me to a therapist, who I saw yesterday. He’s a very polite man. We a nice long chat about most of my situation. He seems to feel that I have never really had anyone in my life (including during childhood) to be “emotionally, there for me.” I have to agree.
My life is just such a huge mess and I really don’t know if I want to go into all my “junk boxes”. I explained to him that I have a put lot of my mental issues regarding my life experiences into “boxes” (compartmentalizing). He said that with therapy we could work together in looking into the boxes and rebuilding my self-esteem. He said I had to look at it, allow myself to feel the pain and feel the sadness about what the pain has caused.
Have any of you gone through psychoanalysis?
As for AH. He’s still being the alcoholic. Today I had an important event at work, so I had to go in early to get prepared. Since he has a dentist appointment at 10AM and wouldn't return to work, he planned for me to drop him off so I could have car. Well, I a little pi$$ed because my work location was closer.
I said. “I need you to drop me off first. I can’t afford to waste the extra time.”
“Fine!” he said after I told him I thought he could manage to stay sober for one afternoon just long enough return to pick me up after work. Yeah, right!
I get a call from him at around the time I was supposed to get off. I asked him where he was. He was home and was drunk. He had left the car for me out in the parking lot and had taken a cab to the dentist’s office, then taken one home. At least he left me the car.
He had probably 10 beers, ate his supper and was fast asleep by 6:30PM. Such a fascinating home life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Between therapy and working a 12-step program, it was a relief for me to open up those boxes and deal with the contents. Yes, it was painful at times, but by keeping those boxes closed up, I was stuck in some very unhealthy patterns/thought processes in my life.
I'm really proud of you for seeking help for yourself! :ghug :ghug
I'm really proud of you for seeking help for yourself! :ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Congrats on seeking help. I understand your fear of opening those boxes. I felt the same way. I won't say it was easy or painless to open mine, but I can say that my life is better for opening them.
What I came to learn is that trying to keep those boxes closed doesn't really work. They leak. All over the place. And that leakage harmed me by leading me to make bad choices based on the pain, harm, anger, etc. that were only pretending to hide in those boxes. It is only by opening them up and dealing with what is in them that the leakage can be stopped.
What I came to learn is that trying to keep those boxes closed doesn't really work. They leak. All over the place. And that leakage harmed me by leading me to make bad choices based on the pain, harm, anger, etc. that were only pretending to hide in those boxes. It is only by opening them up and dealing with what is in them that the leakage can be stopped.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Have any of you gone through psychoanalysis?
YES! Once for about a year in my twenties. With a man who was like the classic therapist - it was a real eye opener as I went in ready to dump all this crap about my alcoholic father - and lo and behold I realized I had so many active issues with my codie mom...it was all fascinating and helpful.
I also went after my marriage ended, she was an older woman, a grandmother herself, very warm and very sharp. I was scared, single mom, felt like a failure and I wanted to know, why had I chosen this relationship? Why had I given over everything to this relationship and ridden a crazy roller coaster for 7 years? Why did I feel so low and crappy? What the hell was wrong with me!!??
Then I did a round of CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) for about 8 months a few years ago, with a grad student overseen by a doctor. That was fantastic because it looks a little bit at underlying causes but the focus is really on "right now" and changing thoughts in any given moment so that they reflect rational thinking and not constant beating myself down.
I'm a believer in keeping an open mind and checking out all the possibilities for mental health help...most times I've been really stuck in my mind I have come to a point where I have to accept that my way isn't working!! "My way" is what got me to those low places in my mind!
Nothing changes if nothing changes and I like being an active agent of change in my own life.
Good luck overture!!
It's a brave step and a bold step. Maybe stick with it for a while - bring your issues, bring your boxes...don't question the process too much just give over to it and open that first box in the safety of that time and space each week...
peace-
b
YES! Once for about a year in my twenties. With a man who was like the classic therapist - it was a real eye opener as I went in ready to dump all this crap about my alcoholic father - and lo and behold I realized I had so many active issues with my codie mom...it was all fascinating and helpful.
I also went after my marriage ended, she was an older woman, a grandmother herself, very warm and very sharp. I was scared, single mom, felt like a failure and I wanted to know, why had I chosen this relationship? Why had I given over everything to this relationship and ridden a crazy roller coaster for 7 years? Why did I feel so low and crappy? What the hell was wrong with me!!??
Then I did a round of CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) for about 8 months a few years ago, with a grad student overseen by a doctor. That was fantastic because it looks a little bit at underlying causes but the focus is really on "right now" and changing thoughts in any given moment so that they reflect rational thinking and not constant beating myself down.
I'm a believer in keeping an open mind and checking out all the possibilities for mental health help...most times I've been really stuck in my mind I have come to a point where I have to accept that my way isn't working!! "My way" is what got me to those low places in my mind!
Nothing changes if nothing changes and I like being an active agent of change in my own life.
Good luck overture!!
It's a brave step and a bold step. Maybe stick with it for a while - bring your issues, bring your boxes...don't question the process too much just give over to it and open that first box in the safety of that time and space each week...
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Seeking help for yourself is important, glad you are doing that. These A's really mess with our minds and emotions, and the effects can really wreck havoc for us to have a healthy life.
As for your A, at least he didn't drive the car. Mine would have, and it would have been a terrifying ride home. He had a thick coat of denial and would never admit to drinking, no matter what. He'd also fall asleep shortly after dinner, and I was most relieved when he would for it gave me a window of peace.
All in the past for me, praise God. But I am still dealing with the emotions that surface from time to time. But they are fading as time passes. May God give you strength.
As for your A, at least he didn't drive the car. Mine would have, and it would have been a terrifying ride home. He had a thick coat of denial and would never admit to drinking, no matter what. He'd also fall asleep shortly after dinner, and I was most relieved when he would for it gave me a window of peace.
All in the past for me, praise God. But I am still dealing with the emotions that surface from time to time. But they are fading as time passes. May God give you strength.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Overture, congratulations on taking these steps for yourself. I am always so proud of people who have the guts to "bring in reinforcements" to help them work through things that cause them pain. That's what psychologists are there for! 
I was really afraid of opening all those little boxes too, for a long time. But wow what a relief it was when I finally started doing it. I'd go somewhere and cry after my sessions, then take a walk, clear my head, wipe my face, and finish my day. I always felt better the next morning, like I'd cleaned something.
It was kind of like this: My counselor would help me open one of those emotional boxes, and it was all smelly and stale and horrible inside, from being left all those years. But eventually we'd get it all cleaned out, and take a big hose to it, flush it clean LOL
Some of those boxes, in my mind, I'd paint up all nice, and now I use them to store good memories instead
Hugs to you for this brave thing you're doing. As for AH? Well...his life, his choices. You do what's best for YOU.
I was really afraid of opening all those little boxes too, for a long time. But wow what a relief it was when I finally started doing it. I'd go somewhere and cry after my sessions, then take a walk, clear my head, wipe my face, and finish my day. I always felt better the next morning, like I'd cleaned something.
It was kind of like this: My counselor would help me open one of those emotional boxes, and it was all smelly and stale and horrible inside, from being left all those years. But eventually we'd get it all cleaned out, and take a big hose to it, flush it clean LOL
Some of those boxes, in my mind, I'd paint up all nice, and now I use them to store good memories instead
Hugs to you for this brave thing you're doing. As for AH? Well...his life, his choices. You do what's best for YOU.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hello overture
Thank you all for this wonderful thread.
Going to a therapist takes courage. Seeing the results in your life and your thinking patterns, in your feelings, is one of the sweetest moments...
You inspire me to take out my emotional trash too, so we are on this together..
Thank you all for this wonderful thread.
Going to a therapist takes courage. Seeing the results in your life and your thinking patterns, in your feelings, is one of the sweetest moments...
You inspire me to take out my emotional trash too, so we are on this together..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 10
I'm happy to know that the therapy, aka psychoanalysis has helped all of you. Thank you so much for your support. I'm glad you are all here. I told the PhD that I had no one I could talk to about a lot of these things.
There are a lot of problems I haven't even begun to cover with all of you. Eventually I may get there.
I find it so strange how hardships, disappointments and emotional anguish in life slowly gets crushed under layers of years like garbage in a landfill. I've made myself live in denial of the damage that's been done. I guess I always thought it would fix itself.
Bernadette thank you for sharing your experience. I've heard several of you say that it takes courage to do this. I don't feel very brave, just desperate for answers and a good shovel to dig myself out of this hole.
Blessings to all,
overture
There are a lot of problems I haven't even begun to cover with all of you. Eventually I may get there.
I find it so strange how hardships, disappointments and emotional anguish in life slowly gets crushed under layers of years like garbage in a landfill. I've made myself live in denial of the damage that's been done. I guess I always thought it would fix itself.
Bernadette thank you for sharing your experience. I've heard several of you say that it takes courage to do this. I don't feel very brave, just desperate for answers and a good shovel to dig myself out of this hole.
Blessings to all,
overture
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