What a nightmare
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Leavenworth, WA
Posts: 10
What a nightmare
This last weekend was a mass of chaos. I definitely found out that he saw his exgf. He was supposed to come home on wednesday and he never called. not even to lie and say he wouldn't be home for a few days so I didn't worry. He had my car and was driving with a suspended license and probably drinking.( he took without my permission). During the next few days I found out details of his whereabouts and was heartbroken. I had decided it was time to go. I have been building up to this for sometime now and this was the last straw. I called my son to come and support me when abf came back but he said if he came it would be to move me out. So Sunday my 2 sons, my best girlfirend and daughter-in-law came . We packed everything up and were out of there.
We got to my mothers house and I got a call from abf best friend saying that my car was at his girlfriends house. I wanted my car back. My girlfriend and I headed out and drove 150 miles at 10:00 at night and drove right to her house. We got the car and headed out . Fortunmately they were not home because when she opened the door with the key the alarm went off. Needless to say I was in the panic stage!! We were able to get the security off and headed home We got back about 3:30 am. I don't think that he had any idea that I even knew that he had contacted her, so I imagine he thought the car was stolen.
Monday night my girlfriend and her friend went up to the house. ( 2 cabins in the mountains ) to retrieve a couple of things and another car. He was there with her and her daughter. I do believe she borught him back and he told her "if she is there and drop me off at the end of the road and I'll tell her my buddy brought me home." When my friend got there he wouldn't let them on the property and she called the sheriff. Another long story..
The problem being is he put everything in my name. About 10 cars and a boat and other toys. I took the vehicles that we had gotten together and one that he had bought his wife may years ago. He is a car collector and nuts over cars. I have depleted my 401k and have got credit card debt of $15,000 that we have accumulated that is in my name. He owes $78,000 in back taxes. OMG i can not believe I have gotten myself in this mess. There is so much more and history to tell you, it really is a soap opera!!
My concern now is the vehicles that are still in my name. I don't want the liability. I have been told if I sign the release of interest on the titles and send them into the dept of licensing that it is enough but also been told he has to transfer the titles into his name. He gifted them to me but that can only be done once and he will not have the funds to pay the the tax and fees on each vehicle. I don't want anyhting that he had prior and the rigs that we got I figured I would sell to pay the cc debt.
I know it sounds like I am money hungry but I am on social security disability. My friend and even his friends tell me to take it all but I can't do that. They say he needs to hit rock bottom. Does anybody have any suggestions.
I really loved this guy. He is charming and fun and very attentive. But gets oh so drunk and is embarassing a lacks any kind of accountability. I had never been around alcoholism before and had no clue.
Even after all of this, I still worry about him.. Go figure.
I am sorry I am rambling on and I really appreciate your input. It gives me courage and strength.
I guess today is a bad day and I do miss him. How can I be so nuts?!
We got to my mothers house and I got a call from abf best friend saying that my car was at his girlfriends house. I wanted my car back. My girlfriend and I headed out and drove 150 miles at 10:00 at night and drove right to her house. We got the car and headed out . Fortunmately they were not home because when she opened the door with the key the alarm went off. Needless to say I was in the panic stage!! We were able to get the security off and headed home We got back about 3:30 am. I don't think that he had any idea that I even knew that he had contacted her, so I imagine he thought the car was stolen.
Monday night my girlfriend and her friend went up to the house. ( 2 cabins in the mountains ) to retrieve a couple of things and another car. He was there with her and her daughter. I do believe she borught him back and he told her "if she is there and drop me off at the end of the road and I'll tell her my buddy brought me home." When my friend got there he wouldn't let them on the property and she called the sheriff. Another long story..
The problem being is he put everything in my name. About 10 cars and a boat and other toys. I took the vehicles that we had gotten together and one that he had bought his wife may years ago. He is a car collector and nuts over cars. I have depleted my 401k and have got credit card debt of $15,000 that we have accumulated that is in my name. He owes $78,000 in back taxes. OMG i can not believe I have gotten myself in this mess. There is so much more and history to tell you, it really is a soap opera!!
My concern now is the vehicles that are still in my name. I don't want the liability. I have been told if I sign the release of interest on the titles and send them into the dept of licensing that it is enough but also been told he has to transfer the titles into his name. He gifted them to me but that can only be done once and he will not have the funds to pay the the tax and fees on each vehicle. I don't want anyhting that he had prior and the rigs that we got I figured I would sell to pay the cc debt.
I know it sounds like I am money hungry but I am on social security disability. My friend and even his friends tell me to take it all but I can't do that. They say he needs to hit rock bottom. Does anybody have any suggestions.
I really loved this guy. He is charming and fun and very attentive. But gets oh so drunk and is embarassing a lacks any kind of accountability. I had never been around alcoholism before and had no clue.
Even after all of this, I still worry about him.. Go figure.
I am sorry I am rambling on and I really appreciate your input. It gives me courage and strength.
I guess today is a bad day and I do miss him. How can I be so nuts?!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((kimmer))
hate that you are going thru this painful situation - please take good care of you with healthy, recovery oriented things (prayer, meetings, recovery readings, rest, etc.)
My suggestion would be before signing anything would be to seek legal advise such as a consultation with an attorney. I am in the middle of a very nasty divorce with an alcoholic/addict. There are lots of things about community property that I didn't know and things that are going to affect me financially for many years. It may be best to protect yourself NOW rather than wait to see what "he" wants to do.
Praying God's Best for you,
Rita
hate that you are going thru this painful situation - please take good care of you with healthy, recovery oriented things (prayer, meetings, recovery readings, rest, etc.)
My suggestion would be before signing anything would be to seek legal advise such as a consultation with an attorney. I am in the middle of a very nasty divorce with an alcoholic/addict. There are lots of things about community property that I didn't know and things that are going to affect me financially for many years. It may be best to protect yourself NOW rather than wait to see what "he" wants to do.
Praying God's Best for you,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
You are right about this being a nightmare. In my opinion, you might be seeking for direction from others rather than support. Maybe trying to think more of what YOU feel is right to do based on your own beliefs would be helpful. Of course, there's yet another opinion being tossed at you and for that I am sorry.
Please use professional financial guidance to make prudent decisions to get yourself extracated from your Addict. If he has placed all of these cars/toys in your name to avoid his mountainous IRS bill then there may be legal ramifications to selling off those assets for yourself. Please get help with those questions.
As for the emotional side of it, I can certainly relate, as can so many others, to feeling love for someone who is not healthy for you. I can rationalize that some foods are not healthy for me and I shouldn't have them around even if I just love them, and yet making that choice over a person is a mental leap for me.
You'll get thru this. Give yourself time and patience first. It's bad enough dealing with what life throws at you, but only you can truly give yourself emtionally what you need to get through this and noone else.
Peace.
Alice
Please use professional financial guidance to make prudent decisions to get yourself extracated from your Addict. If he has placed all of these cars/toys in your name to avoid his mountainous IRS bill then there may be legal ramifications to selling off those assets for yourself. Please get help with those questions.
As for the emotional side of it, I can certainly relate, as can so many others, to feeling love for someone who is not healthy for you. I can rationalize that some foods are not healthy for me and I shouldn't have them around even if I just love them, and yet making that choice over a person is a mental leap for me.
You'll get thru this. Give yourself time and patience first. It's bad enough dealing with what life throws at you, but only you can truly give yourself emtionally what you need to get through this and noone else.
Peace.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
kimmerlu,
When you're truly tired of this sick soap opera -- and there's nobody here saying you have to be, who knows -- but when you are sick of the sh*t and want some peace of mind instead, I would really get some legal help sorting this out, clearing your finances, and getting back into a safe position. Find out from an attorney how you can sell some/all of his assets to pay off your debt, for example. Do it all by the book and get the sheriff's help wherever and whenever you need it.
What you've got on your hands is a big spoiled adult 5-year-old, with no manners and no decency. You have to treat him accordingly.
If it helps, you don't have to think of it as impending divorce (unless that's what the attorney says you have to do). Just straightening things out so the air is clear.
Good luck
When you're truly tired of this sick soap opera -- and there's nobody here saying you have to be, who knows -- but when you are sick of the sh*t and want some peace of mind instead, I would really get some legal help sorting this out, clearing your finances, and getting back into a safe position. Find out from an attorney how you can sell some/all of his assets to pay off your debt, for example. Do it all by the book and get the sheriff's help wherever and whenever you need it.
What you've got on your hands is a big spoiled adult 5-year-old, with no manners and no decency. You have to treat him accordingly.
If it helps, you don't have to think of it as impending divorce (unless that's what the attorney says you have to do). Just straightening things out so the air is clear.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 273
This is not about being money hungry, it is about being smart an dprotecting yourself.
If you "own" the cars etc out right with debt on those you might/should be able to sell them, speak to a lawyer.
If you "own" any asset I would sell it ASAP without consulting him and take the funds you receive to pay off any of YOUR not HIS debt.
I was confused by your post but you aren't married to this guy right?
If you aren't all his debts should be his alone, no?
Talk to some one and figure out how to cover your financial life and your financial life only. Do not worry about him even if you still have feelings for him. I know it sounds harsh but if he was caring for you properly he wouldn't put you in a risky financial situation.
If you "own" the cars etc out right with debt on those you might/should be able to sell them, speak to a lawyer.
If you "own" any asset I would sell it ASAP without consulting him and take the funds you receive to pay off any of YOUR not HIS debt.
I was confused by your post but you aren't married to this guy right?
If you aren't all his debts should be his alone, no?
Talk to some one and figure out how to cover your financial life and your financial life only. Do not worry about him even if you still have feelings for him. I know it sounds harsh but if he was caring for you properly he wouldn't put you in a risky financial situation.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Leavenworth, WA
Posts: 10
No. I'm not married to him, altho I felt that way. All of the cars are paid for. He put alot of those in my name because he didn't have a valid ID. He lost his license because of a dui, and in Washington state you have to show id to renew tabs and so on. I didn't know all this (about license). His wife's family ws trying to take all of hispropertyt after she passed away. She had filed for divorce and left everything to her family. He had left her a message saying he wouldn't be back and said she could have everything. Then when he found out she had died, he said they stole it, even his dog. What was she to do? He never takes any accountability about his own actions. He is always the victim. Tnaks so much for your advice. I have a call into the legal dept. at the domestic hotline and hopefully can get some answers.
It certainly helps to be able to air my thoughts and write this down. It helps to put it into perspective. I still am amazed that I could have turned a blind eye to all of his shinanigans and hollow character. I think we all think we can change them, but they are creatures of habit and it doesn't take long and they leave a trail of destruction.
It certainly helps to be able to air my thoughts and write this down. It helps to put it into perspective. I still am amazed that I could have turned a blind eye to all of his shinanigans and hollow character. I think we all think we can change them, but they are creatures of habit and it doesn't take long and they leave a trail of destruction.
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