Mambo Queen

Be careful, too, about keeping yourself stuck in the dance with him. If you tell him there's still hope if he changes, well, you might just find yourself finding someone else when he hasn't changed, someone who does love to make you happy, and is emotionally available and ready for a healthy relationship. And then you may just realize you don't want him back even if he does change. Would you feel better or worse then if your XAB still thought there was a shot with you? Believe me, it can happen this way--I'm living through it right now. I think my STBXAH is finally getting the message that I no longer want any sort of "future chance"...but I admit that it causes me guilt that I sort of left that door open for him before. I wish I had been strong enough to slam it shut the moment I really felt we were done for good.

Because the truth is...sometimes, there's just too damn much muddy water under the bridge to ever make going back a healthy choice, even if recovery has been sought and changes had been made. I know I still need to make some changes myself to get to where I truly want to be mentally and spiritually, but I'm also starting to realize, I would have NEVER made those changes with STBXAH by my side. I simply resented his past treatment of me too much. I still love and care about him, but I have to let him go. It hurts, yes, but so does all change. It doesn't make it wrong.