Just when I stopped looking for external validation...
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Just when I stopped looking for external validation...
... it comes without asking.
On Friday I was getting ready to see a great guy (yes Give Love, the one with turquoise eyes.. we are a "couple" now.. taking it really, really easy. I am excited, but keeping a vigilant eye on my codie ways...) and I got a call from what is or was F's best friend. He asked me to come over right away.
This common friend cheated on his girlfriend. The girlfriend dumped him. Now in Facebook (damn Facebook as a source of much suffering for a lot of people!!) she is In a Relationship, and common friends were congratulating her. He felt hurt and betrayed by her and the friends. Then he had heard much gossip about him and another girl, that hurt him too, how everyone is "talking".
So he is living my life 6 months ago regarding Facebook Madness, gossip, nasty breakup etc etc. Ok, the cheating part was a mistake, but it was quite interesting to see him so hurt. It comes back tenfold, its true. One betrayal for another.
Life always sees you take a spoonful of your own medicine, doesn't it...
Wow, I see all those guys at work acting All Cool and there's been 3 of them already that cry hugging me saying how miserable they are. It should be difficult to be a guy having to act all the time.
Back to the topic:
Of course he mentioned F.
He said he resorted to me because he thinks I am the only trustworthy person around, and I have walked a similar context so I had gone through that and knew how it was like.
Honestly I tried not to talk to him much, being friends with F. and all, but he was the one who reached out to me. He used to be my boss in our past job, where we all met. He seems sincere.
He validated the fact that F. changed. A lot. He knew him even before we were together.
He feels as impotent as me in regards to his way of drinking. He told me he has talked to him several times.
He said his current gf is taking him further, further down.
F. now lives Her Life - going to discotheques almost every night.
He misses the F. we knew, too. They are not as friends as they used to be, because this guy does not drink as much and is not in the Party Circuit.
He said F. DID feel something for me at a time. That it was real.
At some point I felt lucky as I got to see the good F., before Hyde took over completely.
Remember when I took it all personal when F. saw the girlfriend just outside our company's building? I thought they could meet at any other place and it was heartless to have her here in the office.
Turns out the girl was living with her brother, but she had problems with him. (Drinking?). So she lives with F. now. And when she comes daily to the building, its because she has nowhere else to go.
The moment F. gets tired of her, she will be without home. She does not earn much. She has no car. She gets rides from F. to work and does not pay a dime of the house he is renting with 2 others. She is very vulnerable.
He complimented me and told me I am good looking, succesful in my career and a good person and deserved only the best. I knew it already. Lol but it felt strange to have him support ME.
It helped to know I did not imagine everything. Although it made me sad, there have been 4 others that acknowledge his problem. Of course F. has no idea others see the problem in him. He thinks he is this mini-God and supercool.
Now this friend has my Codie no more book..
He said the old F. has to come back. I told him I wouldn't count on that.
Then I drove MY car to MY flat, and I cannot tell you how happy and grateful I was for owning my stuff, having $$ to pay my own great place.
I took a bath and got pretty. I opened my door and it was a nice guy, telling me I looked beautiful and giving me red flowers... can you imagine.. NO ONE had ever given me flowers..
I cannot tell you how grateful I was and still am with SR, family, friends, HP and my own self for my current reality. It did not happen just because, its all what I have decided for myself. Wow do I feel satisfied.
I am living in heaven and hadn't noticed it!!
Sorry for my ramblings.. I just had to say its great when you see the outcome of all those harsh months. Ah, its great to see the light once again, to sing and laugh and plan healthy activities... in short... to LIVE again!
PS I will go to the psychiatrist next month. I am more optimistic about being able to keep my peace without meds. And optimistic about this: whatever I feel, in and out of work, I will be able to manage, acknowledge and release it. So there is no reason to be afraid.
On Friday I was getting ready to see a great guy (yes Give Love, the one with turquoise eyes.. we are a "couple" now.. taking it really, really easy. I am excited, but keeping a vigilant eye on my codie ways...) and I got a call from what is or was F's best friend. He asked me to come over right away.
This common friend cheated on his girlfriend. The girlfriend dumped him. Now in Facebook (damn Facebook as a source of much suffering for a lot of people!!) she is In a Relationship, and common friends were congratulating her. He felt hurt and betrayed by her and the friends. Then he had heard much gossip about him and another girl, that hurt him too, how everyone is "talking".
So he is living my life 6 months ago regarding Facebook Madness, gossip, nasty breakup etc etc. Ok, the cheating part was a mistake, but it was quite interesting to see him so hurt. It comes back tenfold, its true. One betrayal for another.
Life always sees you take a spoonful of your own medicine, doesn't it...
Wow, I see all those guys at work acting All Cool and there's been 3 of them already that cry hugging me saying how miserable they are. It should be difficult to be a guy having to act all the time.
Back to the topic:
Of course he mentioned F.
He said he resorted to me because he thinks I am the only trustworthy person around, and I have walked a similar context so I had gone through that and knew how it was like.
Honestly I tried not to talk to him much, being friends with F. and all, but he was the one who reached out to me. He used to be my boss in our past job, where we all met. He seems sincere.
He validated the fact that F. changed. A lot. He knew him even before we were together.
He feels as impotent as me in regards to his way of drinking. He told me he has talked to him several times.
He said his current gf is taking him further, further down.
F. now lives Her Life - going to discotheques almost every night.
He misses the F. we knew, too. They are not as friends as they used to be, because this guy does not drink as much and is not in the Party Circuit.
He said F. DID feel something for me at a time. That it was real.
At some point I felt lucky as I got to see the good F., before Hyde took over completely.
Remember when I took it all personal when F. saw the girlfriend just outside our company's building? I thought they could meet at any other place and it was heartless to have her here in the office.
Turns out the girl was living with her brother, but she had problems with him. (Drinking?). So she lives with F. now. And when she comes daily to the building, its because she has nowhere else to go.
The moment F. gets tired of her, she will be without home. She does not earn much. She has no car. She gets rides from F. to work and does not pay a dime of the house he is renting with 2 others. She is very vulnerable.
He complimented me and told me I am good looking, succesful in my career and a good person and deserved only the best. I knew it already. Lol but it felt strange to have him support ME.
It helped to know I did not imagine everything. Although it made me sad, there have been 4 others that acknowledge his problem. Of course F. has no idea others see the problem in him. He thinks he is this mini-God and supercool.
Now this friend has my Codie no more book..
He said the old F. has to come back. I told him I wouldn't count on that.
Then I drove MY car to MY flat, and I cannot tell you how happy and grateful I was for owning my stuff, having $$ to pay my own great place.
I took a bath and got pretty. I opened my door and it was a nice guy, telling me I looked beautiful and giving me red flowers... can you imagine.. NO ONE had ever given me flowers..
I cannot tell you how grateful I was and still am with SR, family, friends, HP and my own self for my current reality. It did not happen just because, its all what I have decided for myself. Wow do I feel satisfied.
I am living in heaven and hadn't noticed it!!
Sorry for my ramblings.. I just had to say its great when you see the outcome of all those harsh months. Ah, its great to see the light once again, to sing and laugh and plan healthy activities... in short... to LIVE again!
PS I will go to the psychiatrist next month. I am more optimistic about being able to keep my peace without meds. And optimistic about this: whatever I feel, in and out of work, I will be able to manage, acknowledge and release it. So there is no reason to be afraid.
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 04-20-2009 at 02:53 PM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Hi Dreamer. Boy, you sound so great, and so grateful, and so alive. Good for you. I have also been enjoying a new relationship with a wonderful, non-alcoholic man. It's amazing how fun EVERY date is, with no drama or pain or drunkeness involved.
Keep walking the good walk, Dreamer, and taking care of yourself.
Keep walking the good walk, Dreamer, and taking care of yourself.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi peacetech, thank you :ghug3
Its great to be able to share your own happiness and not look for the other one to provide it. That is why I know whatever happens with this new guy, it will all be sincere, and mature. I am confident my feelings for him are true and more pure now. We promised to always say the truth to each other.
I am glad I learned this still in time to be able to meet someone else and live a different kind of relation. Living it this healthier way I realize all the soul searching pays off, and I will keep on doing it so I never look back.
:ghug2
Its great to be able to share your own happiness and not look for the other one to provide it. That is why I know whatever happens with this new guy, it will all be sincere, and mature. I am confident my feelings for him are true and more pure now. We promised to always say the truth to each other.
I am glad I learned this still in time to be able to meet someone else and live a different kind of relation. Living it this healthier way I realize all the soul searching pays off, and I will keep on doing it so I never look back.
:ghug2
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I am still at work and this common friend told me I am becoming his best friend.
o_O
In fact one day F. saw us talking and later F. told him, "what, talking with the enemy now??" and he said "yes, I am not going to help anyone hate another person".
This friend just told me he may lose some friends, because he does not say what another person expects, but the truth, and that if they stop being friends it is because F. cannot handle the truth. I heard when he knew what happened he told F. it was not something a real man does, and that he had promised to take good care of me.
So, due to alcoholism- F. has lost his gf and his best friend, the two people that cared for him the most not too much time ago. Because his mom died, his dad lived with another person and totally forgot about him, and his sister spent all the time at her boyfriend's. He is alone family-wise.
I am sure he will consider this guy an "enemy" too after he realizes we are becoming close.
What a sad disease. Hurts to remember the good F. Hurts to realize all that we talk about here is true.... but today I realized I have come a few steps forward, and I am grateful for that.
o_O
In fact one day F. saw us talking and later F. told him, "what, talking with the enemy now??" and he said "yes, I am not going to help anyone hate another person".
This friend just told me he may lose some friends, because he does not say what another person expects, but the truth, and that if they stop being friends it is because F. cannot handle the truth. I heard when he knew what happened he told F. it was not something a real man does, and that he had promised to take good care of me.
So, due to alcoholism- F. has lost his gf and his best friend, the two people that cared for him the most not too much time ago. Because his mom died, his dad lived with another person and totally forgot about him, and his sister spent all the time at her boyfriend's. He is alone family-wise.
I am sure he will consider this guy an "enemy" too after he realizes we are becoming close.
What a sad disease. Hurts to remember the good F. Hurts to realize all that we talk about here is true.... but today I realized I have come a few steps forward, and I am grateful for that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Amen!
How wonderful to read your post!
There was a time, I am sure, when you wondered if being out in the world without him would be sad, lonely, and desperate. Now that there is some distance between the two of you, you can look back across the abyss and see just how sad, lonely, and desperate a life with him was.
I think taking your time with any new relationships is a wonderful idea. When you enjoy your own company and feel comfortable in your own skin, you will attract people who feel the same way.
Smile because your an inspiration.
Alice
How wonderful to read your post!
There was a time, I am sure, when you wondered if being out in the world without him would be sad, lonely, and desperate. Now that there is some distance between the two of you, you can look back across the abyss and see just how sad, lonely, and desperate a life with him was.
I think taking your time with any new relationships is a wonderful idea. When you enjoy your own company and feel comfortable in your own skin, you will attract people who feel the same way.
Smile because your an inspiration.
Alice
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