flyfree76

So, I feel that I've made a bit of progress. I have been reading alanon material every day, trying to worry about me & the kids, not him & I've been reading books to further educate myself about alcoholism. We had a conversation in which I was very blunt about the facts. My AH knows he is an alcoholic and "tries" on his own to fix it, which obviously does not work. He hasn't made any promises, nor have I given him any ultimatums. I am trying to set boundaries for myself and think about myself and the good things about my husband, not the disease.

Here is where I have been struggling this week. I have been having a really hard time not searching for the empty bottles. I know I shouldn't & as I'm doing it I tell myself I shouldn't. Since I found out he's been lying & sneaking liquor for so long, I am having a really hard time with that. It's making me nuts! How do I stop obsessing????

shotz

That is a really tough one. I've been there. Mine was so bad you couldn't help but find the bottles at the end. At one point I would leave the bottle where I found it, not empty it, but put a sticky note on it saying that he wasn't fooling anybody but himself. Probally not the healthiest thing to do but it felt good at the time. The craziness was you know they are drinking and they will stand right there and lie to your face and make you question your judgement. The next day when he was sober he would come clean on his own.

Sorry not much help, but I can relate.

Shotz

flyfree76

Thanks, at least I know I'm not the only one!

Daisy30

I think you will stop looking when you have acceptance.

When you accept that he will drink, lie, and hide. Then you will not have a reason to look anymore.

When you are in the moment try saying the Serenty Prayer and remember this is one of those things you can't change.

Barbara52

Everytime you find yourself even thinking about going on a search, tell yourself to stop it! Give yourself a good talking to. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and give it a good snap. Whatever it takes to train yourself to stop you former thinking and behaviors.

CatsPajamas

It takes a long time to change behaviors. When you can, think of some other thing to do when you want to go check for empty bottles. Replace that action with something else. Do 10 jumping jacks, say the Serenity Prayer, do whatever it takes. Pretty soon you won't think of it as often.

Progress, not perfection. Just try something new and see how it works.

Rainbowsend

The not searching for the empties became became quite easy. Once I stopped searching for the emties he took the acceptance as carte blanche to stop hiding them. The fact he didn't give a sh*t as to what I thought made it easier to leave

justaboutus

It took awhile for me but the obsessing subsided when I FINALLY realized that his stuff was HIS stuff, not mine. I kept asking myself... "can I change this? Nope! So it's not mine." I was literally wondering around the house with a constant chant "Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine." Serenity prayer is also very helpful.

flyfree76

Thank you!!!

babsywabsy

I struggle with this too. Don't have any solutions, but I've been doing it less lately and that feels kinda good.

:0)

spikedaball

That's my wife!! I was obsessing about finding the bottles, now I don't have to! I went to get the coffee pot under the kitchen cabinent the other morning and staring me in the face were two mini wine bottles. I too left a note written on the bottle! It didn't matter, that night I took a look and sure enough they were both empty, but still in the same place and no comment from the wife!! CLUELESS!

LucyA

The Serenity Prayer helped me too, and thinking what does it matter if I find the bottles? They'll still be empty so I'm not going to change a thing by finding them.