kimmerlu1

I haven't posted in a while just getting strength from all the postings. I've been trying to get thru my ABF drinking binges and have been trying to do the detachment process and read all materials when I can. But this week I really need some advice. My heart and my pride are really hurting at this point.

My ABF has hooked up with his old girfriend of 8 years. He went over to the coast 150 miles away to check on the boat we have. He went to a bar and ran into a good friend of his that he hasn't seen in 6 years. No problem with that except the friend is married to the ex girlfriends sister and of course she told her sister that ABF was in town. The all used to pal around together and I'm sure it was like old times. He was supposed to be home Wednesday and of course was not and he won't answer his cell. I found out this morning that she was at our boat with him. I know what happens when he drinks and all the fun and famialarity it won't take her long to pull him under the covers. In there relationship she has hit him and taken from him. None of his friends like her. She's been arrested for assualt many times. He doesn't know that I know he is and I am debating whether to wait til he gets home and play it cool and then drop the bomb that I know or should I just go find them. Mainly to get my car. He is driving with no license and has a warrant out for his arrest. I was gone when he took it.

My girlfriends want me to get everything in my name and get out, which I am trying to work towards. He has put everythihg into my name we have many cars and toys the only thing he didn't was the house. Wev'e been together for 5 years.

She was his girlfriend while he was still married for 8 years and he didn't want anything to do with her that's why he didn't contact his old friend. He didn't want to "open that can of worms".

Right now the sadness is so overwhelming. I beleived him and all the stuff he told me. How did any of you get through this.

I want to try to salvage it but I know in my heart and my head that I deserve more. It just hurts so bad when I really tried to have faith in him and trust him. Knowing that's it's her is the hardest of all. He started seeing me during that relationship and just walked away from her and his wife. My, how I ever got into this mess. He totally knocked my socks off when we first met and I've been on this roller coaster ever since. I want off but part of me stills wants him. When does the anger set in?

I know I'm rambling, and I apologize, It just plains hurts. The bottom line is I will always have to deal with the alchoholism . Advice please. I'm too old to star over.

Freedom1990

I've found that men who do that, alcoholic or not, will walk away from me too just like they did with the previous woman/women.

Yes, it hurts, and it hurts like hell. My EXAH was unfaithful to me before we got married, and I married him anyway. Needless to say, marriage certainly didn't curb his affairs.

Only you can decide when enough is enough. As for being too old to start over, well, I will be 51 next month, and I am just now working on completing my college degree. I'm pretty darned excited about the next phase of my life.

:ghug :ghug

kimmerlu1

Thanks for the encouragement.I'm 57 and have a heart condition as well and I know this situation is not good for me. myABF has always made me feel special and was never abusive. I think he sensed that I was going to make a move and he is going back to old haunts and old habit. Setting up his ducks to take care of him. He owes so much in back taxes and he can hardly wirte a check.. He will really have to have some one take over and I guess he went back to the familiar. And you know, I always inthe back of my mind knew he would hurt me. I guess leopards don't change their spots no matter how much they say will never happen. He would never cheat on me. And he hasn't until now.. but of all the prople it;s like a double stabbing. I just don't want to be a victim anymore.

Cynay

And that is the first step!!!

Welcome Back

kimmerlu1

Thank you so much. I really need all the help and advice you all can spare. I'm sitting here feeling quite loely. Trying to work through acceptance. Bless you all

Freedom1990

I know that feeling of loneliness. You don't have to go through this alone, hon! We're here to support you through the pain.

:ghug :ghug

splendra

sounds like intent on his part. Maybe your heart condition would improve if you give this guy up. Give him up not you

Barbara52

Your health is likely to improve once you get rid of the extra stress this relationship is causing you. Reaching a more serene and peaceful life does improve one's health.

As for being too old to start over, I'm 54 and couldn't be happier that I have started over! Sure I wish sometimes I hda done it earlier, but it is what it its. And I thank God everyday for showing me the way to a much better life without the madness of another's alcoholism.

kimmerlu1

I know that he is not worth this turmoil that I'm going through, although it doesn't lessen the the heart sick I feel. This is his M.O. He doesn't like confrontation and he, when I have suggested I move out , he just sayd do what you want to do. So he can't blame himself for my leaving but he makes himself out to be the victim. They stole everything from me....blah blahblah. I guess that is what you refer to as quaking?

My mind is just a jumble of thoughts as what to do even though I know the inevitable. and where to start

splendra

(((((Kimmerlu))))))

I know how you feel.