naive

i'll second that...tell mom to buzz off. other people watching from the outside have no idea what it's like on the inside. they'd have to live with the A to understand the chaos.

gowest

Being angry and resentful sucks doesn't it?!

Our part of the "resentment problem" is admitting to ourselves that only WE CHOSE to stay for so long. No one made us stay. Our choices, our consequences.

It is a hard pill to swallow. Many of us have this experience.

Yes, we stayed for the kids, financial issues, blah, blah, blah ....

I think some days it is easier to angry at them for x, y, or z behavior than really to be angry at ourselves for putting up with it all for so long.

When it really comes down to it, any of us can or could walk away at any time and for any reason.

I've had to admit to myself my role in staying and then forgive myself for doing so. Now I focus on not looking back as much as possible. I also don't think about how he is choosing to live his life going forward either. It isn't easy and there are days when it is really hard.

I second the writing it all out. I have over a hundred unsent emails in my drafts box. Somedays I've had to write two or three to get it all out of my head. It helps.

good luck ....

gowest

I think the shower is my HP ... I'm only half-kidding.

Learning how

Blessed, My AH found AA 5 years ago when I started the divorce process. He went in to instant sweet mode.... fixed things around the house that had been broken for years.... really just sucked up to us. (both sons at home at the time)

I gave in and let him come home....I know now it was too soon. He is working a program but I have to say there are times I think I really messed up....

I wish you luck in what ever you choose, but please go slowly. Don't listen to you mother, listen to your gut.

IMHO he is quacking up a storm. That was my experience. Give it time. Wish someone had told me that, heck maybe they did and I didn't hear it!

tallulah

that's fine.. maybe your Mother would like to offer him a place to stay.. there would be nothing like walking a mile in your shoes to show her just a glimpse of how you have had to live..

blessed4x

Thank you! I did learn my co-dependency well, didn't I?! Now unlearning it is a whole new ball game.