ReadyToHelp

Hi Everyone,

I told my ABF that I wanted him to leave on Easter Sunday. It was easier than expected. No ranting or raving, just a few false accusations. OK, I get no credit for being good to him.

I went to the leasing office with the plan of moving out on May 1, when my lease ends. Well, they told me that I have to request to be removed from our lease and he has to concur. So it's either he requests to be removed from the lease and I concur or vice versa. Either way, he gets a say in what I can do.

Their rules are a 60-day vacate notice from me, or I sign up for another year, or my lease automatically renews on a month to month at market value + $250 per month fee. I don't have that kind of money.

I wish I'd given them the 60-day vacate notice 2 months ago, but I didn't know he was on the lease as a resident.

I called an attorney and was told it's either 1) get him to sign the form to get either one of us off the lease or 2) give them 60-days notice, and leave but if the ABF stays, they could sue me for the rent he won't pay and eviction costs.

OK, I am keeping cool, but inside I want to SCREAM and cry and run away. I don't want to be at work, and I don't want to be at home. All my self help stuff has worked until now - I feel trapped and this guy won't let go.

Why didn't I listen to my intuition?

I plan to talk it out - and find a way to help him realize what the right thing to do is. I purchased renter's insurance yesterday in case he does start cooking during a binge and falls asleep (like he's done twice in old apartments, while living alone, and was taken to the hospital for smoke inhalation).

I can't believe that if you share a lease with someone, you are stuck until you BOTH agree to get out. I truly, truly feel like this:

I am angry with myself for letting down my guard and trusting him and lying to myself about who he really is. I am angry with myself for holding onto the illusion of who he was while we were in college and ignoring what he's become during the 18 years we were apart.

I am trying to not feel defeated.

Anyone have suggestions on how to what to do next? I only see what the attorney said as my only option: get him to sign the form to release himslef from the lease.

His brother is ready to fly in from out of town and make him sign this form and physically remove him from my apartment. My ABF is sick. Do I really allow this aggressive and even violent approach to happen? His brother wants to make the ABF's rock bottom happen asap. He throws this guy out and makes him homeless, then flies back home. I'm stuck with the guy in the streets, angry and distressed.

:praying

Thank you.
Ready.

Barbara52

Sounds like you are stuck legally to me. Try to get him to sign and give the required notice. The leasing company is within their rights to hold you to your contract.

If he is a threat to you, you may want to look into a restraining order also.

GiveLove

I know how you must feel right now - like the roof's caved in.

Breathe. Breathe in a count of six, hold it for two, release it in a count of six. Take a normal breath, then do the long one again. Do it ten times. Get some oxygen to your brain - half of our panic is often that we forget to breathe in the fight-or-flight reaction...

If that's what it takes, yes. He's his brother. My brother would do the same.

No, YOU get a restraining order against him the first time he comes near you, block his email and phone number, and get on with your life. You're not stuck with anyone you don't want to be stuck with. "He's sick" is not an excuse for keeping you trapped in an abusive relationship, which yours is. Really? It. Is. Not. Your. Problem.

Sometimes it takes some pretty aggressive action to get out of a trap. His brother. Forging his signature. Getting him arrested by calling him in. Anything. Whatever it takes.

I'd agree with Barbara that you can try to get him to do the right thing first. If he doesn't, at least you HAVE a Plan B. Many people don't.

Hang in there, ready. Take a deep breath, then pick your head up and fight.

ReadyToHelp

Thank you, Barbara52 and GiveLove.

Isn't it scary how you can get trapped legally in a bad situation?

This is Not My Problem. Apparently I still feel a sense of hidden responsibility that's hard to detect sometimes. I deserve more, and I'm sitting here hoping his brother won't hurt him much.

I am thankful that his brother declared that he was going to fly here if the ABF doesn't sign the form to remove himself from the lease. A Plan B is good, even if it's less preferable. You are so right, GiveLove, it's better than nothing.

I am working on accepting that it may turn aggressive. I've never seen a fight in person. I hate to start now in my own apartment. But my new attitude is: Whatever it takes.

Breathing is a good idea. I noticed my breathing has been shallow all day.

Ok, I'll update you after we have "our talk". Thank you very much for your responses.

Ready.

Dr. Gregory House: "Let's cure her with sunshine and puppies!"

Freedom1990

:ghug :ghug

laurie6781

I would also check again with that attorney and find out if you have a Restraining Order against him, how that can help with you getting out of the lease. In some states, that negates the lease immediately and landlord has to remove said person from the lease as they cannot be on the property.

I agree with GL and Barbara.

I am glad his brother is willing to help you persuade him to sign the form.

Love and hugs,

GiveLove

Excellent advice on the TRO, laurie.

Fits right in there with "whatever it takes."

Ready, he has a chance to do this the easy way. It looks like you have a number of options for The Hard Way. Hoping he sees the light and goes.

In a Tailspin

I was thinking the same thing. If *anything* has *ever* happened that gives you grounds for a restraining order, I would get one. That will force him out of the apartment and even if the landlord isn't legally required to remove his name from the lease in your state, you could just stay there until the lease is up. Once it's up, it's up. You are free to leave and move somewhere that he doesn't know where you are and therefore won't be tempted to come banging on your door when it gets cold outside!!