Brother going back into treatment today
 

It's not an ideal solution - we couldn't get him into the programs that we feel would help him most (it's critical that his treament address his anxiety issues, which are his trigger for drinking). Not surprisingly, the best places don't accept "charity cases" like my brother. Would love to get him into Hazelden, but no dice.

However, at least we'll know he's safe and unable to keep drinking himself to death for the next several months. He's scared, and sad because he'll miss his son's last baseball games, music programs, etc. and possibly his graduation ceremony. Since this treatment facility is local, we hope he'll get permission to attend his boy's commencement (closely supervised by us, of course).

I'm feeling a mixture of relief (he really was on the brink of killing himself by the bottle) and guilt because I DO feel relief that I won't spend 24/7 worrying about when the next crisis or scary phone call will come.

I pray that this time (his fourth in treatment) will have last effect.

I hope your brother is able to take something away from treatment, but I also hope you bear in mind this is the 4th time around for him. Even the 'best' places aren't going to do one whit of good if he's not serious about recovery.

As for his anxiety issues, I found for myself that the further I progressed in my recovery from alcoholism, the more my anxiety issues dissapated. My first year sober was an emotional roller coaster and I had a lot of anxiety. Actually I had a lot of anxiety the first two years, but you know what? It didn't kill me, and I walked through it as opposed to drinking.

I know for me, as a recovering codependent also, I have to be really careful about thinking I always know what's best for someone else because that often isn't the case. Usually deep underneath those thoughts of what is best for someone else is what would make me feel better. Just some food for thought.

:ghug :ghug

Whether the drinking triggers the anxiety or the anxiety triggers the drinking- the solution is the same:only he can decide when he's had enough.

My son was in and out of facilities and we came to the conclusion that since he had 'successfully' completed one 28 day program and the same 6th month halfwayhousae program two times....he already knew everything he needed to know about recovery.

When my son was finally ready, he didn't need to learn more. What he finally did was to use what he learned and do what he knew was 'the next right thing.'

My son's last time 'out' started up right after completing the 6 month program, where he had stayed on for an extra 3 months as a member of the staff. At that time there were no more different shades of what we considered enabling; we completely stopped supporting his lifestyle. He was out using for 7 months, got arrested, and took the long-range plan offered him by the judge: A year in jail, 4 months in a county facility with over a year probation after that.

I understand the relief you feel because I remember how I slept so much better when my son was somewhere that I knew of, somewhere where I felt he was at least safe, fed and had a roof overhead. Alot of those feelings I had were an illusion because as soon as he got out- the chaos would start all over again.

I had to learn how to take care of myself regardless of his choices. I had to learn how to keep myself in a safe place- emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially too.

I hope that you can take advantage of this 'break' to make some changes to help yourself, because as so many here know- it's one of the most difficult things to love an active alcholic or addict.

Take care...

CMC,
You hit the nail on the head. I know my AS been in treatement a few times, a bit of "relief" for Mom and I, but I always prepared for the chaos to start up soon after, since she never hit Step 4.

The family and friends who are left in the wake of the addiction need to take care of themselves first and foremost!

Osakis,
I know we are all praying that your brother makes it this time. Focus on yourself right now.

Osakis, I really hope your brother makes it and wants to stay sober this time.
I really hope you take the time to look after yourself too and accept that he'll do it only if he wants to.

Wow. Kinda discouraging. Honestly, I have no real expectation that my brother will stay sober forever. I'm just hoping to keep him alive at least as long as my mother lives, as it would be so devastating to her if he dies.

I'm kind of in same boat with my Sis, I know if she died from her drinking, it would tear apart my Mom, even though she is heavily involved with Al-Anon.

It's not your responsibility to do that. Even if you try it's not your call how long he lives. Your brother is the only one who can decide to straighten himself out and live as long as he wants to. Your responsibility is to your life.

Could you clarify what sort of responses you expected?

One thing I've seen around here at SR is that people tend to be honest and straightforward for the most part.

Have you ever considered turning your brother over to your HP or God?

Osakis,

I understand (I think everybody does). I used to feel such relief (and GUILT at the relief) when my sister was in jail, where at least she might have a little longer to 'figure it out.' That old thing where 'as long as she's still breathing, there's still hope' that she'll finally want sobriety.

Wishing the best for you, your mom, and your brother. I know you know it's no guarantee; you're just stating what you'd like to have happen. I'm hoping it does too. :hug:

GL

Osakis, I hope this is it!! I will be keeping your brother in my thoughts. I wish you keep working on yourself, what can you do today to make you feel a little bit better?