Feel useless and ashamed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 80
Feel useless and ashamed
My older sister, our Rock of Gibraltar, has come for a few days to try to get help for my brother. He has agreed to go back into treatment, this time for a long-term (6 mos. at least) stint. That's the good news. The bad news is that beds are scarce, and neither he or we have the enormous funds available to get him into one of the better facilities. Still, my sister is working with social services and we're hoping for the best.
I feel ashamed at my inability to be very helpful in this situation. I spend a lot of time crying, which doesn't do anybody any good. I'd like to be a support at least to my 82-year-old mother, but I know she feels equally worried about me because I'm so upset.
Is there anything I can do to be less or a burden and more of a help to my family during this difficult time?
I feel ashamed at my inability to be very helpful in this situation. I spend a lot of time crying, which doesn't do anybody any good. I'd like to be a support at least to my 82-year-old mother, but I know she feels equally worried about me because I'm so upset.
Is there anything I can do to be less or a burden and more of a help to my family during this difficult time?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
One of the things that helped ME the most, when immersed in this terrible sad-making space, was to be of help to others (like you want to do with your mom)
But I couldn't seem to do it. I was too upset, too sad, too angry, too everything, and so I told myself "I can't." Which just exacerbated things.
It really helped me to go to a therapist for some individual counseling with the SPECIFIC goal of getting back on my feet emotionally. I told him why - I wanted to be strong enough to help - and asked him to work with me to patch me back together so I could be more supportive in my family.
And of course, as these things usually go, as soon as I was able to be more supportive, more "there," I started to feel better myself.
What does your mom need most of all? Someone to sit with her and listen? Someone to help take part of her burden? Someone to share information on alcoholism with her, so she won't feel like this is all her fault? Someone to hold her hand?
What do YOU need most of all? Are there any ways in which your two sets of needs might overlap and help each other?
You can't help your brother with money you don't have. But maybe you can just help where you can...for your own sake.
No solid suggestions beside these, osakis. Hoping you find a way through this darkness back to happiness again
P.S. Not everyone is cut out to be the Rock of Gibraltar. That doesnt' make your sister any better a person than you are.
But I couldn't seem to do it. I was too upset, too sad, too angry, too everything, and so I told myself "I can't." Which just exacerbated things.
It really helped me to go to a therapist for some individual counseling with the SPECIFIC goal of getting back on my feet emotionally. I told him why - I wanted to be strong enough to help - and asked him to work with me to patch me back together so I could be more supportive in my family.
And of course, as these things usually go, as soon as I was able to be more supportive, more "there," I started to feel better myself.
What does your mom need most of all? Someone to sit with her and listen? Someone to help take part of her burden? Someone to share information on alcoholism with her, so she won't feel like this is all her fault? Someone to hold her hand?
What do YOU need most of all? Are there any ways in which your two sets of needs might overlap and help each other?
You can't help your brother with money you don't have. But maybe you can just help where you can...for your own sake.
No solid suggestions beside these, osakis. Hoping you find a way through this darkness back to happiness again
P.S. Not everyone is cut out to be the Rock of Gibraltar. That doesnt' make your sister any better a person than you are.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Self-care is the most loving thing that we can do for everyone involved.
If I take care of myself then I am able to be a better person, a more loving wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc.
I am calmer, saner, healthier, and better able to face the issues of each day as they come around.
I am more in tune with my self, my HP and more balanced with my feelings and attitudes.
By self-care, I mean - a good meal, good nite's rest, journaling, reading recovery literature, meditating, destressing, etc.
These things for me - help me to take care of me - THEN I am able to be of service and help to others in my family and in my recovery family.
HUGS to you and prayers for your family,
Rita
If I take care of myself then I am able to be a better person, a more loving wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc.
I am calmer, saner, healthier, and better able to face the issues of each day as they come around.
I am more in tune with my self, my HP and more balanced with my feelings and attitudes.
By self-care, I mean - a good meal, good nite's rest, journaling, reading recovery literature, meditating, destressing, etc.
These things for me - help me to take care of me - THEN I am able to be of service and help to others in my family and in my recovery family.
HUGS to you and prayers for your family,
Rita
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