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Pattern?

Old 08-19-2003, 06:39 PM
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Pattern?

The one thing I notice about this forum is that it is a bunch of women concerned about their "A's", talking about "what should be done", and about how hard life has been with the "A's".

No one has yet mentioned what their "A's" bring to the table. What their "A's" do that make life oh-so-tolerable.

From what I've read, this is more a man-bashing forum, than one truly designed to discuss alcoholism.

I AM A DRUNK!!

I know that, but I "function" in the world. It is only when I get home that I revert to drinkin.

Thoughts?
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Old 08-19-2003, 06:49 PM
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You haven't read very far Retort. And just for the record, I have talked a lot about how great my father was, in spite of the fact that he killed himself with alcohol.

This is not a forum designed to discuss alcoholism. It's designed to discuss codependency. If you want to talk about alcoholism, you should try the alcoholism or AA forums.

And by the way. Your home is part of the world. Still say you function in the world?
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Old 08-19-2003, 06:54 PM
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You are right, Smoke. I have not read far into these forums. My wife came here to vent her anger with me getting drunk all the time, bitching about what I do and don't do. I read those, and became insensed.

It is very easy to point fingers at other, even your own spouses, and "accuse" one thing or another. In this case, it is drinking. But you purport one side of the arguement. That is my point.

Oh how easy it is to say "drunk" or "alchoholic" withoput getting the big picture. The full understanding.

Makes it very difficult for you all to defend not drinking, while your husbands are accliamed within their professional world.
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Old 08-19-2003, 06:57 PM
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Really? My father is dead. I have a wall full of trophies and no father. No siree. It's not difficult at all.
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:01 PM
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And I can say "sorry" forever for your Father's death. Obviously, the death of a father is very hard to overcome. You believe it was due to too much drinking. Probably was.

But jumping on here to vent your anger, to chastise all of those that drink as well, will not bring him back.

Was he happy in his final days?
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:03 PM
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Hey..I hear your resentment and anger, I am an addict myself...clean 35 days now and sometimes I too feel like I am being "blamed" for everything...but most of the blame I hear comes from my own head, my own guilt, which I am responsible for...Why don't you come on over to the alcohol?AA forum and share your side of things? You deserve understanding too, but these ladies on here~they are here because they love and care about an alcoholic and that person is becoming difficult to deal with through the haze of alcohol, I think you would find these good people hate the alcohol, not the alcoholic...If you want to talk, vent some..why not go over to the Alcohol forum and I'd be glad to listen.
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:16 PM
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No Retort. My father was not happy in his final days. He was scared and miserable and sorry and trying to prolong his life just a few more months. But it was too late.

But we do not come here to chastise drunks. We don't try to abolish drinking. This forum and alanon are simply not about you. We are here to help each other deal with our codependent issues specific to alcoholics. And if someone is angry... we understand.

Now if YOU are angry... there are some alcoholics who will understand over on the Alcoholism and AA forums.
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:36 PM
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Smoke,

The whole "co-dependant" thing drives me crazy! It's almost like you are latching onto someone else's addiction, and using it for your own purposes.

If you are so clean, so un-poisened by any of it, then you should be fine and living the high life!

But then again, you don't chastise...
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:40 PM
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Actually, I see your wisdom. It is best to ignore, then deal with your significant other's problems.

It is a very personal experience.

I apologize for upsetting the cordance within Al-Anon.

I will seek my own kind...
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:47 PM
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That, retort, is a fairly clear description of codependence. Latching onto someone elses addiction and using it for our own purposes. Generally we use it to torture ourselves with. And that is what we try to unlearn in alanon and similar groups. We are not unpoisoned. We are oh-so-poisoned. And trying to get well.
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:56 PM
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Just my 2 cents but if I could have ignored my A's problems, I wouldn't even be here right now I guess.

I'm here to learn how to stop carrying my husband's burdens on my own shoulders. I don't drink, they are not my burden's to bare. Unfortunately, because I have been this way most of my life, it's very hard for me not to carry them.
I felt my husband's pains more than he does because he medicates his pain. I just choose not to feel that way anymore. It certainly doesn't mean I don't love him. It just means that I have to love myself too, so that I can be one less reason for him to hurt due to feeling bad about himself for what I have always seen as his flaws and had no problem at all pointing those flaws out to him day after day.
He is who he is, NOT who I want him to be.
That's life. I accept it. End of subject.
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Old 08-19-2003, 07:57 PM
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Wow, I'm really sad to read this thread

The first reason I'm sad to read it is because it looks like Wench used this forum as a tool in an argument. As in "go read the board I've been posting on about you."
I've always thought of this place as a safe haven for Anons to vent their feelings and frustrations about dealing with the abusers in their lives. And I think we discuss these problems very constructively. We don't bash and bitch, quite the contrary. Most of what I read here are stories of heartbreak and frustration. Most of what I read here is "I really love him/her, how can I stay when things are so bad?" Most of what I read here is a sharing of encouragement, strength and hope between people who are dealing with the devastating effects of alcholism in their lives.
This is a place where people come to vent their heartache and ask for help. This is a place where those people often find what they are looking for.
In my opinion, this is not a place for Wench and Wench Retort to carry on their fight. I find it very sad that this forum has been infiltrated by the bitterness and frustration that we all come here trying to leave behind.
I'm totallly bummed about this thread.
God bless the mark.
Peace,
Gabe
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Old 08-19-2003, 08:03 PM
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Retort...

Think about this before you answer.

How DID it feel when you found out that wife needed to seek solace on an anonymous message board to get relief from your actions????

It sure didn't make you want to look at you.

Denial? Maybe. Maybe not.

But if I'm you, I'm finding someone to talk to about this. Fast.
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Old 08-19-2003, 08:11 PM
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Re: Wow, I'm really sad to read this thread

Originally posted by Gabe
The first reason I'm sad to read it is because it looks like Wench used this forum as a tool in an argument. As in "go read the board I've been posting on about you."
Peace,
Gabe
Lets slow down.I wouldn't assume that Wench brought her husband here.That'd be like shooting herself in the foot.Chances are that he found out on his own...not hard to do.

It is sad that WR feels compelled to come agitate here...

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