josie25

I recently found out that my ex abf was in hospital being detoxed again, I left him when he started drinking after his last detox. He has a new girlfriend and a part of me knows that its over between me and him, but another part so desperately wants him back. I texted him today to tell him that I was praying for him and that I hoped he would take this chance of life that has been offered to him, but he hasn't replied. His mum told me that she had asked him if he had loved me and he nodded as tears just poured down his face as he said that I left him, so I know that he did love me. I cannot get him out of my head. I went to one Al anon meeting a while ago, but didn't find it helpful at all. I am doing everything I can to start living my life again and actually have quite a busy social life, but it all seems so wrong without him and like I am filling in time rather than living. It's like all my dreams have been crushed. I have read so much on this site and know that I have to find a way through for my own well being and that I cannot do anything to help him. I am going to and fro on the stages of grief and bereavement. I also know there is no answer anyone can give me other than to think of me and look after myself. I don't know how to stop this pain and know I will never stop loving him, so do I live in this awful place for months, years or forever, because I don't think that I can cope if I have to. Sorry to go on, but I know that there are others of you who have been where I am at - I think I just need to write what I am feeling, as my friends are getting fed up of hearing me as it has been going on since last August. I have been to the doctors and have been given medication and have had quite a lot of counselling, so I guess its going to be down to time. Anyway thanks for listening, with any luck tomorrow will be a better and happier day.

atalose

Not sure how long you were with your BF but healing from an relationship ending does take time. 7 months is not that long if you were involved with him a long period of time.

I think often our friends don’t know how to comfort us and may become frustrated that they are unable to help. I remember being sick to death of hearing people say get over it already. I think they themselves have not suffered such a loss. Also if we are codependent letting go seems to take a lot longer as our whole life and ourselves became them and the relationship.

It’s good you went to counseling and if the medication helps then take it. Keeping busy is good but also being patient with your self.

I know you sent him a text wishing him well, but what kind of a response are you hoping for from him?

GiveLove

Josie, hoping your healing continues. You have feelings for him, but you also know that if he were to come back into your life it would quickly descend again into suffering. Many of us have this very same battle between our heads and our hearts

Time will heal you, as will actively trying to move on, even if it feels forced at first. There is someone out there who is NOT an alcoholic who is waiting to love you, if only you can find a way to let him.

Cynay

Something I discovered about myself.... It has been my experience that I spent way too much time trying to "stop" the pain and not enough time feeling it and working though it. Today I dont try and stop pain, I work instead to figure out what causes me to keep putting myself into situations that cause such deep pain... there are almost always lessons I need to learn.

I promise you will get though it if you want too, you will stop loving him and come to a place of peace and happiness.... but I have found it always takes work on my part.... and Im grateful to have a program of recovery that helps me figure out not only how to work through it, but also what the repeat patterns are and why would would want to be there in the first place.

Hang on, it does get better.