prodigal

As an active addict, everything is about him. You can feel frustrated, angry, annoyed, confused, or just plain sick of him. But his IS doing what addicts do.

You're going to therapy for yourself. If his addictions come up, so be it. If you have a good therapist, he or she will be interested in getting some of your husband's background, but will be far more concerned addressing your issues.

The best therapist I ever had allowed me to vent for several sessions about AH, and then that was it. I was guided back to my issues as soon as my attention turned to AH's latest lunacy.

PoetryandHums

Oh and get this, when I told him I had the appointment he says "well don't tell him that I drink and take Ativan. I don't want him to get me into trouble with my doctor."

Lord, doesn't that sound familiar! As prodigal mentioned, that''s what addicts do--focus on themselves and their addiction, all the time. Often, we (family) end up living our live like that, too. One of the best insights I've gained from therapy is that it isn't all about the alcoholics, or my relationships with them, or even all about my traits as a result of that. Some things are just about ME, and no matter what any addict thinks, that's ok.

littlebrr

I see the questionnaire as a means to control you. His answers were mostly about what YOU should be doing and not about him... I see it similar to being a barganing tool (for him) later on. For example, if he doesn't go to AA, church or try to quit smoking and you mention it to him, he'll fire back with anything you didn't follow through with either (and it's all in writing now so it can't be denied), even though he souldn't be worrying about fixing you. This whole thing could turn into a vicious circle of the blame game... "We'll you didn't do X so why should I have to do X?" and so on and so on. I think it's great that your communicating, but it just seemed so one sided because of his A brain.

I hope your upcoming counseling appointment is beneficial. I can't even explain how grateful I am for my counselor. I'm excited for you that you are taking the steps that you need to to take care of yourself and I'm proud of you. Keep working it!

HoopNinja

"well don't tell him that I drink and take Ativan" How many times have I heard this--at least don't tell anybody how much I drink (or that I get high)? Let's continue to live in denial, OK? Sheesh.
Sounds like you are on the right track. Don't let him derail you with his "suggestions".

Jadmack25

Wish he put his "suggestions" to you, in the same place I would put his questionnaire.