Is there such thing as an easy divorce?
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Hi blessedx,
Sorry the twist of events twisted back.
As to coping from being in a similar living situation, is all I can say is through detachment and AH now only drink beer instead of vodka ( it makes a difference in my stbxah, it is obvious to all in the household) he has come to a point of live and let live. He no longer calls me everytime I walk out the door and is actually naturally kind, has stopped blaming and making false accusation. But that is him and what he has went through in his processing of all this. I know it has something to do with my 'coping' by consistent detachment and me saying as little as possible. It seems he has accepted he won't stop drinking and i won't stop going forward with divorce so what is there to go on about. However, I am sure this is not always the way the cause and effect works it way out with an alcoholic. And i don't expect him to get better or worse again. Today it is what it is, he is still drinking and we are getting a divorce so I have no expectation from an active drinker to do anything that blesses me or our household. If he does I receive it for what it is. that's how i cope.
As to defending yourself, my stbx doesn't say things like that to other people, sorry you are going through that. Personally, if he did that i wouldn't seek out a conversation with people he is quacking to and passively abusing you by speaking lies about you to them, however, if it came up it is not wrong and is natural to cope with the issue by telling people , " I'm not, he's lying. It is possible he believe his own lies." There is a balance between worrying what others think and caring that others hear the truth if the situation presents it self. If they want more info then you want to talk about and/or give that is there problem.
Just like it can be normal not even to be bothered by anything he says anymore it is also normal to get pissed off and then healthy to let it go. Being gossiped and lied about stirs feelings. Your feeling are valid. You know the source of where it originated and the behaviors he exibits as an A. I cope by remembering i need to let go of things becasue I do except that bad behavior is natural by the A. Especially the kind you talk about from one that is losing the good wife he had. His consequences are knocking at his door, and if he is like my AH those consequences got even worse for him when he stopped drinking for about 15 days and started again. I went through my 8 weeks of hell when i told him i was divorcing him, and then when he stopped drinking and started again he went through another cycle of giving the household hell.
Sorry the twist of events twisted back.
As to coping from being in a similar living situation, is all I can say is through detachment and AH now only drink beer instead of vodka ( it makes a difference in my stbxah, it is obvious to all in the household) he has come to a point of live and let live. He no longer calls me everytime I walk out the door and is actually naturally kind, has stopped blaming and making false accusation. But that is him and what he has went through in his processing of all this. I know it has something to do with my 'coping' by consistent detachment and me saying as little as possible. It seems he has accepted he won't stop drinking and i won't stop going forward with divorce so what is there to go on about. However, I am sure this is not always the way the cause and effect works it way out with an alcoholic. And i don't expect him to get better or worse again. Today it is what it is, he is still drinking and we are getting a divorce so I have no expectation from an active drinker to do anything that blesses me or our household. If he does I receive it for what it is. that's how i cope.
As to defending yourself, my stbx doesn't say things like that to other people, sorry you are going through that. Personally, if he did that i wouldn't seek out a conversation with people he is quacking to and passively abusing you by speaking lies about you to them, however, if it came up it is not wrong and is natural to cope with the issue by telling people , " I'm not, he's lying. It is possible he believe his own lies." There is a balance between worrying what others think and caring that others hear the truth if the situation presents it self. If they want more info then you want to talk about and/or give that is there problem.
Just like it can be normal not even to be bothered by anything he says anymore it is also normal to get pissed off and then healthy to let it go. Being gossiped and lied about stirs feelings. Your feeling are valid. You know the source of where it originated and the behaviors he exibits as an A. I cope by remembering i need to let go of things becasue I do except that bad behavior is natural by the A. Especially the kind you talk about from one that is losing the good wife he had. His consequences are knocking at his door, and if he is like my AH those consequences got even worse for him when he stopped drinking for about 15 days and started again. I went through my 8 weeks of hell when i told him i was divorcing him, and then when he stopped drinking and started again he went through another cycle of giving the household hell.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
well i didn't.............since this is out of date to the situation at present can you please remove my post. i responded with what I thought was a recent 'previous' post in mind. that in mind.
Thanks moderators.
Thanks moderators.
Hey SS,
You realize that you are posting on old threads, right?
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You realize that you are posting on old threads, right?
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