nowinsituation

Or so I hope anyway. The divorce has been final for a few months. The last joint tax return is done, ready to be filed, and he paid me his half of the amount due with only minor argument about it. He kept the house -- he was required to refinance it -- which he did (to my great surprise).

My daughter was there last night for visitation. She needed a new cell phone charger; so I bought one for her and stopped to drop it off (he should have to take care of this stuff, but fighting that battle would ultimately hurt my daughter ..... so.....) I stopped to drop off the charger, daughter says "dad has something for you to sign". He brings out the escrow refund from the old mortgage that is made out to both of us and wants me to sign it. I tell him that half of it is mine, and I won't sign it. He argues that it is all his, so I tell him he needs to show me documentation of what is in the refund, and what he paid at closing. Oh, I forgot to mention that his bloodshot eyes and the overwhelming smell of booze was a dead giveaway as to his current state.

We are both angry, he goes in the house, my daughter stood there and saw it all. I ask her if she's OK, tell her I'll take care of the charger (the one I bought wouldn't work with her phone). She says OK, and goes back in the house. I start to drive away and really want to just go back, get my daughter, and make it so she'll never have to be at that house again. But, I don't....

The ex calls me minutes later. I only answer because I wonder if it's my daughter. But, it's the ex -- trying again to explain why the $ is all his. I tell him again what I need before I sign it; trying to explain where he might find the information. He has no idea what I am saying. I finally explode and tell him that he needs to sober up and think about it, and that I am done talking to him about it. There are more calls from his number, and I don't answer them. He leaves a voice mail about how he can't find the information I want, and that it is all his money.

Maybe the $ is his, maybe it's not. I am so angry because he just blind-sides me with this stuff because I happen to be stopping by. It will do no good to call him again, so I'm not going to. Now I need to do damage control with my daughter about this whole thing. I've been working with her counselor and my sponsor on how to get this visitation stopped; it is so damaging to her. God is telling me it is time, so I know he will give me the strength and the knowledge. Somehow I am just still surprised that he can't even stop drinking on the few days that he is supposed to be with our daughter....

Tarheel

NIS,

(I've posted this before...)

When I was a child, I was left with my drunk Dad regularly. I wish my Mom had had a "whatever the he11 it takes" attitude to make sure I was safe - physically, mentally and emotionally.

She didn't - she was too busy, too overwhelmed, too mad at him, too scared of him, too patient, too worried to be alone, too concerned I'd have no relationship with him, too poor - all of that and more. I understand she did the best she could at the time. But, I can't begin to tell you the work that I've had to do as an adult because of the bad choices both my parents made as I was growing up.

TH

bluejay6

my mother left my explosive alcoholic father when i was 4 years old. his vicious language left deep wounds i never really got over...still working on it. men who make me feel bad about myself can hook me, if i'm not careful.

but she left him--without warning--and all our possessions with him. flew off in a plane with me, to another state, where we had family. and there i was raised WITHOUT ONE ADDICT in my life. i had a HAPPY childhood. i laughed, i played, and i was never afraid to go home. and when i married an addict, I LEFT HIM.

my best friend's mother stayed with her explosive alcoholic husband. she had to hide her children in my grandparents' cellar when he had his gun.

and when my best friend grew up she married an alcoholic and she HAS NOT LEFT HIM. after 25 years of marriage. and her life is so small, so painful, so disturbed, and totally and completely obsessed with him. she keeps him on a leash. and he keeps her in a box.

we learn what our parents model. so model well. model healthy.

LucyA

nowinsituation,
I'm not Joe's mum, but he's lived with me for a while now. In the early days when he first came here I made it clear to him that I'd never prevent him from seeing his Dad and he could go see him whenever he wanted to. I also made it clear to Joe and his Dad that I would NEVER EVER leave Joe with him when he'd been drinking, didnt matter if it was just one drink, if he had one he'd have another.
We had one big bust up (me and Joe's dad) when he came round here drunk looking for Joe, the only reason it was a bust up was because he threatened me and I needed to make sure the neighbours at least heard us. Joe actually thanked me for that day and said it made him feel safe knowing I'd stand up to his dad for him.

laurie6781

The divorce may all be final and all that, BUT you can revisit the VISITATION ORDER any time.

The court can order that he must be sober when the daughter is there, and can order 'supervised visitation' as what you observed last night is HAZARDOUS to her PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL Health.

Please report last night's episode to her Counselor as the Counselor can write a report for the court as to how these visits are affecting your daughter.

J M H O

He 'blind sided' you, which alkies are great at doing, probably thinking you would not make anything of it with the daughter there.

Short answers to a practicing alkie are best. ie "Well discuss this later and I need proof." then change the subject. etc

You were blind sided, no doubt about it.

Now go give that beautiful daughter a great big hug!!!!!

Love and hugs,