Self worth
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Self worth
Self worth.. That was the theme of the Al-Anon meeting last night.
Once again.. I go to a meeting and the very thing I'm thinking about is discussed. I've been keeping a journal (nothing structured, just meanderings) for the last month or so and this was something I wrote about very recently.
I realised, quite quickly after I was pulled out of the situation I was in with the A, that self worth is incredibly fragile. It is something that needs to be reinforced every day: it can be chipped away easily. It can be attacked overtly, or it can be insidiously stripped away. It is not the responsibility of others but the effects of their perceptions can colour yours.
I lost mine for a while. No.. lets be honest.. I gave it up. I volunteered it, because no-one can take away what I hold close.
There was a trigger for me, that forced me to look at where I was and forced me to accept that where I was, was not where I thought I was going when I embarked on the journey.
So I started to think about what I really wanted. I started to get comfortable with my new desire and it started to feel easy to obtain.
I felt blocked in my life. Like a huge wall was stopping me achieving what I desired and on that wall was written what was blocking it. I had to really look at that wall and decide if I was willing to keep it there or to go around it, climb over it, find a way through it. I had no choice but to deal with it, because on the other side was what life could be like when the wall had gone.
I looked to my partner at the time to see if he wanted to deal with this wall with me: but he was not willing or could not at the time. Unfortunately I could not stay behind the wall any longer and as much as I loved him I would have to leave him behind to get to where I knew I wanted and needed to be. I got comfortable with the idea of making the decision to move forward. It made me scared and nervous naturally, but I stayed focussed on a successful and happy ending and that kept me motivated to move ahead.
And I still am. Because I'm worth it.
Once again.. I go to a meeting and the very thing I'm thinking about is discussed. I've been keeping a journal (nothing structured, just meanderings) for the last month or so and this was something I wrote about very recently.
I realised, quite quickly after I was pulled out of the situation I was in with the A, that self worth is incredibly fragile. It is something that needs to be reinforced every day: it can be chipped away easily. It can be attacked overtly, or it can be insidiously stripped away. It is not the responsibility of others but the effects of their perceptions can colour yours.
I lost mine for a while. No.. lets be honest.. I gave it up. I volunteered it, because no-one can take away what I hold close.
There was a trigger for me, that forced me to look at where I was and forced me to accept that where I was, was not where I thought I was going when I embarked on the journey.
So I started to think about what I really wanted. I started to get comfortable with my new desire and it started to feel easy to obtain.
I felt blocked in my life. Like a huge wall was stopping me achieving what I desired and on that wall was written what was blocking it. I had to really look at that wall and decide if I was willing to keep it there or to go around it, climb over it, find a way through it. I had no choice but to deal with it, because on the other side was what life could be like when the wall had gone.
I looked to my partner at the time to see if he wanted to deal with this wall with me: but he was not willing or could not at the time. Unfortunately I could not stay behind the wall any longer and as much as I loved him I would have to leave him behind to get to where I knew I wanted and needed to be. I got comfortable with the idea of making the decision to move forward. It made me scared and nervous naturally, but I stayed focussed on a successful and happy ending and that kept me motivated to move ahead.
And I still am. Because I'm worth it.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 37
Tallulah,
this is a good topic. This was discussed at my meeting last week. I never considered that I would have low self-worth and that it may have contributed to my codependency. In fact, it was mentioned that all of us, everyone having a relationship with an alcoholic has self worth issues. It wasn't clear to me at the time what that meant. But, as I thought about it I guess it's true. I suppose that being so wrapped up in the life of my AW, trying to help/support her in every way was my way of making myself feel important, of increasing my "self worth". But, if I had a strong, healthy ego, I would have said from the very beginning that my life is worth more than what it had become, that there's no reason for me to live this way. Well, gradually I'm beginning to realize this. I (we all) deserve better!
this is a good topic. This was discussed at my meeting last week. I never considered that I would have low self-worth and that it may have contributed to my codependency. In fact, it was mentioned that all of us, everyone having a relationship with an alcoholic has self worth issues. It wasn't clear to me at the time what that meant. But, as I thought about it I guess it's true. I suppose that being so wrapped up in the life of my AW, trying to help/support her in every way was my way of making myself feel important, of increasing my "self worth". But, if I had a strong, healthy ego, I would have said from the very beginning that my life is worth more than what it had become, that there's no reason for me to live this way. Well, gradually I'm beginning to realize this. I (we all) deserve better!
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Originally Posted by spikedaball 
Tallulah,
this is a good topic. This was discussed at my meeting last week. I never considered that I would have low self-worth and that it may have contributed to my codependency. In fact, it was mentioned that all of us, everyone having a relationship with an alcoholic has self worth issues. It wasn't clear to me at the time what that meant. But, as I thought about it I guess it's true. I suppose that being so wrapped up in the life of my AW, trying to help/support her in every way was my way of making myself feel important, of increasing my "self worth". But, if I had a strong, healthy ego, I would have said from the very beginning that my life is worth more than what it had become, that there's no reason for me to live this way. Well, gradually I'm beginning to realize this. I (we all) deserve better!
this is a good topic. This was discussed at my meeting last week. I never considered that I would have low self-worth and that it may have contributed to my codependency. In fact, it was mentioned that all of us, everyone having a relationship with an alcoholic has self worth issues. It wasn't clear to me at the time what that meant. But, as I thought about it I guess it's true. I suppose that being so wrapped up in the life of my AW, trying to help/support her in every way was my way of making myself feel important, of increasing my "self worth". But, if I had a strong, healthy ego, I would have said from the very beginning that my life is worth more than what it had become, that there's no reason for me to live this way. Well, gradually I'm beginning to realize this. I (we all) deserve better!
I think if you didn't have self worth issues when you started a relationship with an alcoholic then it'd be pretty easy to maybe 'acquire' some. It is such a fragile thing even in the most healthy of people and when chipped away slowly by someone you love becomes more so.
We live and learn spike. :ghug3
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Originally Posted by Dreamer999
It takes courage tallulah, but the rewards are so great. I cannot wait to live my own life with these new tools. I am happy we are going through all of this, together.
it has been just over three weeks since what I shall now refer to as 'the shark attack'.. and I'm already happier than I have been in a long time.. not to take away the impact of what happened because that has had consequences and nothing but time and tlc will diminish that.. but I am happier.. I look better (that is the only plus side to the stress.. quick weightloss = slinky minx), I feel better, I sleep better, I deal with things better, I do things better.. I'm getting my groove back..
I bet in a years time D we'll look back on these posts and smile.. :ghug3
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