Irrational fear of losing my mom

Old 04-06-2009, 07:09 PM
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gns
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Irrational fear of losing my mom

I have this irrational panick-y feeling about losing my mom. She had breast cancer twice, 14 years ago and 5 years ago. She was and has been fine. However,she is going for a bone scan and her 6 month blood work and I am terrified. I get terrified every 6 months. I start panicking 1-2 weeks before her tests. I don't know why.

I am not scared about losing my dad in the same way. and I don't get scared of other family members dying, but something feels off about how scared I am about losing my mom - it feels somehow codependent, like I wouldn't be able to survive the loss.

Does anyone else have these kinds of issues or any insights/thoughts?

You all have such a wealth of experience and wisdom.
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Old 04-06-2009, 07:46 PM
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Well, I can understand a certain amount of fear with her having battled breast cancer twice. What kind of relationship do you have with your mother? I take it you are close with her? I'm kind of at a loss right now for feedback without knowing a little bit more.
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Old 04-07-2009, 12:36 AM
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Hi gns, I am no expert, but your fear doesn't sound irrational. It might be irrational if your mum had been perfectly healthy, but fighting breast cancer is a pretty big thing.

I think most of us are afraid of losing our parents if we are close to them and I was certainly more afraid of losing my mum than my dad because I was especially close to her. Mums are special, aren't they? After all, we are conceived in and born from their bodies - you can't get much closer than that! I think that in life many of us only experience unconditional love from our mums and our own children.

So I think you should acknowledge your fear as valid, maybe talk to your mum about it, and then try to move on with other thoughts and activities.

When my mum died suddenly and tragically after a lifetime of perfect health, I did feel that I couldn't go on, but I did... It took a long time to learn to live without her and I still often long for her five years later, but I am comforted that I was with her when she died and that I did talk to her about death many times - hers and mine - and she told me that she was not afraid of dying. I have often thought that in our society death is a taboo subject and that we need to find ways of talking about it openly.

I hope that you and your mum both live long and happy lives! X
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:42 AM
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Do you have some unresolved issues with your mother? That could be bringing out the feeling of fear of losing her.
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Old 04-07-2009, 05:29 AM
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gns
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Thank you for your responses Freedom, JoBloggs, and Barbara,

Freedom, I am not sure what normal fear is - this doesn't feel normal. I am closer to my sister and nephews and I would so worried and sad and upset if they were sick, but not "panicky".

Jobloggs, I think there is something to the "unconditional love idea". In therapy that fear of losing a lover felt very close to the anxiety and panic of losing my mom.

Barbara, as usual, your insight feels like it is opening a door - I do think there is some issue with my mother/uncondional love?
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Old 04-07-2009, 05:44 AM
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P.S. JoBloggs, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your experience
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