Two months NC & an update....
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 163
Two months NC & an update....
Tomorrow will be two months that I threw my abusive AH out of our home for the last time. It's also the 19th year anniversary of our first marriage.
Things got really bad the first of February. We'd reconciled in November when I was hurt in a car accident and he took excellent care of me, the house and the kids when I was hurt. As soon as I got back on my feet, he must have felt threatened and the abuse started again. He didn't drink for a couple of months but drank again for the first time on February 1st. That night he verbally attacked our son. The following morning, he verbally attacked me and took my cell phone. Later that morning, he spoke the words that forever changed my life....
AH took my medication and hid it while I was out of the house that morning. My D12 had called the police that morning and when they arrived, he refused to leave so my D12 and I left for a couple of hours. Mind you, we were both staying home sick that day.
When my D12 tried to help me get my medication back, my AH said....
"You're going to grow up and be a b!tch just like your mother."
I asked AH to leave repeatedly that day and he said he would not because it was his house too. We spent the next few days barely speaking via text and on Friday night, he confronted me. I told him I no longer cared to be with him and he was angry. I told him that he'd crossed the line when he verbally attacked the children and I was done.
AH went out drinking that night and the following morning he held me hostage in our restroom telling me how much he loved and needed me....hugging me as tightly as possible, trying to kiss me, kissing my face and my neck and I kept saying "let me go, I have to go to work." This went on for about 45 minutes. I finally tried to push my way out of the restroom when he let me go. He proceeded to push me against the wall and rip my shirt. I finally escaped and went next door to change at my aunt's house. I'd planned to go to work but when I returned home, he was screaming at D12 that he was going to do us all a favor and kill himself....he said we'd be sorry when he was dead. My beautiful, amazing child sat on the loveseat sobbing...
I immediately got her out of the house. She had no shoes on and was just wearing sweats and a t-shirt. When I relayed the events to my counselor at the domestic violence center the following Monday, she informed me that she was obligated to report the suicide threats to our daughter to CPS. They came and visited and spoke with me and the children (I also have a S8). The case was closed because they were unable to contact my AH. In our divorce, I will seek full custody with no visitation. He is - at the very least - mentally unstable and my counselor supports this arrangement.
It wasn't the first time he was violent, or drunk, or called me vile names but it was the first time he had gone that far with our children. I know what I've allowed my children to witness and I feel tons of guilt for it. I'd protected them as much as possible but now the only way to protect them is to not be with their father.
I wonder sometimes if I still love him but ya know....there is nothing left to love. I put up with a whole lot from him....he could screw with me all he wanted UNTIL he screwed with the kids. I am mama bear when it comes to my kids...I won't make them live like that. He never even apologized to our D12 and she no longer cares to ever see him again. I know that may change but I respect her wishes.
When AH and I are apart, he rarely has anything to do with our children. If he's mad at me, he's mad at them too....or he doesn't want to live by my "rules." You know, like....be consistent, don't get drunk when you have them, don't introduce them to your next victim without discussing it with me first....etc.
I know that he's reconciled with a former victim and while she's a very pretty girl, she certainly lacks any morals. All the things he accused me of? He's found it in her. I am not jealous in the least, and I feel pity for her.
I don't love him....I don't hate him. I'm indifferent....a goal I thought I'd never achieve. It only took me 20+ years to get here.
On the man front, I have a friend. He is 7 years my junior but he's very sweet, a good dancer, and I like him. I'm not in love, but I'm definitely in like. Even if he never called again, he has shown me that good men DO exist.
I've had a heck of a week. I was laid off, had car trouble and now I have electrical issues at home, and I've managed to get through three anxiety attacks...but ya know, I have peace....and THAT is PRICELESS.
I've also been incredibly blessed...I have a new job to move into...my kids are healthy...my friends and family LOVE me...really love me. No one has called me a fat b!tch or a wh0re in 2 months! I've lost 41 pounds since January. I have about 30 to go but hit a plateau so I'm just taking a break and maintaining my current weight and will go for the last 30 mid-May. I feel amazing. My diabetes is now controlled. My family and friends say they've never seen me this relaxed and happy.
I believe I saw my AH drive by my house on Friday night in his sister's car. I'm not positive, but if he contacts me, I will seek a restraining order. I don't care to ever see or speak to him again.
I realize this post is incredibly long....thanks for reading!
Sunny
Things got really bad the first of February. We'd reconciled in November when I was hurt in a car accident and he took excellent care of me, the house and the kids when I was hurt. As soon as I got back on my feet, he must have felt threatened and the abuse started again. He didn't drink for a couple of months but drank again for the first time on February 1st. That night he verbally attacked our son. The following morning, he verbally attacked me and took my cell phone. Later that morning, he spoke the words that forever changed my life....
AH took my medication and hid it while I was out of the house that morning. My D12 had called the police that morning and when they arrived, he refused to leave so my D12 and I left for a couple of hours. Mind you, we were both staying home sick that day.
When my D12 tried to help me get my medication back, my AH said....
"You're going to grow up and be a b!tch just like your mother."
I asked AH to leave repeatedly that day and he said he would not because it was his house too. We spent the next few days barely speaking via text and on Friday night, he confronted me. I told him I no longer cared to be with him and he was angry. I told him that he'd crossed the line when he verbally attacked the children and I was done.
AH went out drinking that night and the following morning he held me hostage in our restroom telling me how much he loved and needed me....hugging me as tightly as possible, trying to kiss me, kissing my face and my neck and I kept saying "let me go, I have to go to work." This went on for about 45 minutes. I finally tried to push my way out of the restroom when he let me go. He proceeded to push me against the wall and rip my shirt. I finally escaped and went next door to change at my aunt's house. I'd planned to go to work but when I returned home, he was screaming at D12 that he was going to do us all a favor and kill himself....he said we'd be sorry when he was dead. My beautiful, amazing child sat on the loveseat sobbing...
I immediately got her out of the house. She had no shoes on and was just wearing sweats and a t-shirt. When I relayed the events to my counselor at the domestic violence center the following Monday, she informed me that she was obligated to report the suicide threats to our daughter to CPS. They came and visited and spoke with me and the children (I also have a S8). The case was closed because they were unable to contact my AH. In our divorce, I will seek full custody with no visitation. He is - at the very least - mentally unstable and my counselor supports this arrangement.
It wasn't the first time he was violent, or drunk, or called me vile names but it was the first time he had gone that far with our children. I know what I've allowed my children to witness and I feel tons of guilt for it. I'd protected them as much as possible but now the only way to protect them is to not be with their father.
I wonder sometimes if I still love him but ya know....there is nothing left to love. I put up with a whole lot from him....he could screw with me all he wanted UNTIL he screwed with the kids. I am mama bear when it comes to my kids...I won't make them live like that. He never even apologized to our D12 and she no longer cares to ever see him again. I know that may change but I respect her wishes.
When AH and I are apart, he rarely has anything to do with our children. If he's mad at me, he's mad at them too....or he doesn't want to live by my "rules." You know, like....be consistent, don't get drunk when you have them, don't introduce them to your next victim without discussing it with me first....etc.
I know that he's reconciled with a former victim and while she's a very pretty girl, she certainly lacks any morals. All the things he accused me of? He's found it in her. I am not jealous in the least, and I feel pity for her.
I don't love him....I don't hate him. I'm indifferent....a goal I thought I'd never achieve. It only took me 20+ years to get here.
On the man front, I have a friend. He is 7 years my junior but he's very sweet, a good dancer, and I like him. I'm not in love, but I'm definitely in like. Even if he never called again, he has shown me that good men DO exist.
I've had a heck of a week. I was laid off, had car trouble and now I have electrical issues at home, and I've managed to get through three anxiety attacks...but ya know, I have peace....and THAT is PRICELESS.
I've also been incredibly blessed...I have a new job to move into...my kids are healthy...my friends and family LOVE me...really love me. No one has called me a fat b!tch or a wh0re in 2 months! I've lost 41 pounds since January. I have about 30 to go but hit a plateau so I'm just taking a break and maintaining my current weight and will go for the last 30 mid-May. I feel amazing. My diabetes is now controlled. My family and friends say they've never seen me this relaxed and happy.
I believe I saw my AH drive by my house on Friday night in his sister's car. I'm not positive, but if he contacts me, I will seek a restraining order. I don't care to ever see or speak to him again.
I realize this post is incredibly long....thanks for reading!
Sunny
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: At the top of my mountain.
Posts: 124
Go, Sunny! 
It's amazing, just that feeling of simple PEACE within oneself, once we have broken free of our alcoholic, isn't it? Funny how everything else just seems to fall into place, when the energy that we have wasted on another can be refocused on ourselves....
Wishing you great things in your new life and happiness. Your strength is an inspiration to me.
It's amazing, just that feeling of simple PEACE within oneself, once we have broken free of our alcoholic, isn't it? Funny how everything else just seems to fall into place, when the energy that we have wasted on another can be refocused on ourselves....
Wishing you great things in your new life and happiness. Your strength is an inspiration to me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Girl keep moving on up!!!!!!!!!
I am sorry it took him threatening your kids for you to finally protect yourself too!! You know that YOU are a beautiful child of the universe worth protecting and nurturing also!!
But, whatever it takes!
stay strong --
peace,
b
I am sorry it took him threatening your kids for you to finally protect yourself too!! You know that YOU are a beautiful child of the universe worth protecting and nurturing also!!
But, whatever it takes!
stay strong --
peace,
b
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
It only took me 20 years to leave my AH too. We've been separated 6 months.
You still go through a grieving process even if you kick them out, but, it gets better
though! I'm done with the grieving of what was/could have been and am ready
to seek out the joyous happy life me and my children deserve. Glad to see you
are on your way to happiness!!
You still go through a grieving process even if you kick them out, but, it gets better
though! I'm done with the grieving of what was/could have been and am ready
to seek out the joyous happy life me and my children deserve. Glad to see you
are on your way to happiness!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Originally Posted by sunflowerintx 
When AH and I are apart, he rarely has anything to do with our children. If he's mad at me, he's mad at them too....or he doesn't want to live by my "rules." You know, like....be consistent, don't get drunk when you have them, don't introduce them to your next victim without discussing it with me first....etc.
Thanks for posting
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Africa
Posts: 65
Sunflower, I am sorry for everything you and your kids have been through, but congrats for getting out of it and finding some peace for you and for them. I am sure you will go from strength to strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 163
I made it past the 2 month mark! Yay! This is a first...I believe my record was about 6 weeks before I'd go crawling back...
There is a small wrench in my plan to divorce my stbx though. I was informed that his sister, with whom he was living, has moved. I don't know where (nor do I care one bit) but it will make it a little more difficult to serve him with divorce papers, or a restraining order should it become necessary. I'm sure those working on my case will have suggestions so I'll cross that bridge at a later time.
Thanks for all your feedback and support. It is much appreciated!
Sunny
There is a small wrench in my plan to divorce my stbx though. I was informed that his sister, with whom he was living, has moved. I don't know where (nor do I care one bit) but it will make it a little more difficult to serve him with divorce papers, or a restraining order should it become necessary. I'm sure those working on my case will have suggestions so I'll cross that bridge at a later time.
Thanks for all your feedback and support. It is much appreciated!
Sunny
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