how to deal
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 5
how to deal
My husband was in rehab for 21 days, has been sober for 3 weeks, until I think today. I don't know for sure if he has been drinking, but the behaviors are that I saw tonight are way too similar. I wonder about his mental state. He has been saying how confused his mind is. Also I'm having a hard time dealing with the porn he downloads when he has been drinking which I found on a disc he forgot to take out. I just feel sick to my stomach when I found it. He has some sexual addiction or compulsion problems also. I'm just so tired of it all. I go to Al-Anon which helps, but when I'm in the middle of all the crap, I can't help think why do I stay?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Welcome to the board
and big HUGS to you. You are dealing with a lot of difficult things right now. Alcoholism is a hard enough thing to deal with. Having sexual addiction added to that just isn't fair.
You are the only one who can answer the question "Why do I stay?" Sometimes it's hard to answer that one honestly. But you might want to give it some thought. It's hard to live in a relationship that brings you hurt feelings and frustration on a regular basis.
You deserve a happy life, we all do. One day at a time, you will get there. Maybe you can start by thinking about what a happy life would be for you. And how you can work towards getting there. Be gentle with yourself, this is not always an easy task. When you are feeling overwhelmed by what you are dealing with, stop and say "I deserve a happy life. What small thing can I do today to work towards that goal?"
In the meantime, stick around. This board is full of wonderful people who offer support, encouragement and lots of HUGS when you need them the most.
Peace,
Gabe
You are the only one who can answer the question "Why do I stay?" Sometimes it's hard to answer that one honestly. But you might want to give it some thought. It's hard to live in a relationship that brings you hurt feelings and frustration on a regular basis.
You deserve a happy life, we all do. One day at a time, you will get there. Maybe you can start by thinking about what a happy life would be for you. And how you can work towards getting there. Be gentle with yourself, this is not always an easy task. When you are feeling overwhelmed by what you are dealing with, stop and say "I deserve a happy life. What small thing can I do today to work towards that goal?"
In the meantime, stick around. This board is full of wonderful people who offer support, encouragement and lots of HUGS when you need them the most.
Peace,
Gabe
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Welcome shellyjd !
Gabe offered good suggestions to do things that
would make you happy day by day. These boards
offer plenty of love and support but decisions like
we learn in alanon are ones that we come to on our
own with our HP. We are all so different yet the same
in that we love or have loved our alcoholic, we can share
these experiences without judgment of a persons choices.
Hope I was making sence, there have been times that I
wish I didnt have to think or make a decision that
someone would just do it for me ! Those are probably
the times I didnt need to make any decision at all till
my head was clear again.
When you feel down and out or alone call someone or
get back on the boards and connect with those who
understand, its helped me so many times.
take care of yourself
liddy
Gabe offered good suggestions to do things that
would make you happy day by day. These boards
offer plenty of love and support but decisions like
we learn in alanon are ones that we come to on our
own with our HP. We are all so different yet the same
in that we love or have loved our alcoholic, we can share
these experiences without judgment of a persons choices.
Hope I was making sence, there have been times that I
wish I didnt have to think or make a decision that
someone would just do it for me ! Those are probably
the times I didnt need to make any decision at all till
my head was clear again.
When you feel down and out or alone call someone or
get back on the boards and connect with those who
understand, its helped me so many times.
take care of yourself
liddy
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
If you cannot figure out why you stay then it is not the time to leave. You can stay "One day at a time" and change your mind tomorrow.
Go to your meetings, come here, educate yourself about addiction and most of all take care of yourself. For me the most important thing is to know what you are doing before you do it and that takes some time. If you do that there are no regrets.
Hugs,
JT
Go to your meetings, come here, educate yourself about addiction and most of all take care of yourself. For me the most important thing is to know what you are doing before you do it and that takes some time. If you do that there are no regrets.
Hugs,
JT
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Shelly and welcome!
Ditto to what others have said. Take it one day at a time. We can't make good decisions when our minds are in a confused state. When we start focusing on and taking care of ourselves, things become clearer, and it becomes easier to know the right decisions to make.
Take care and keep coming back.
Hugs,
JG
Ditto to what others have said. Take it one day at a time. We can't make good decisions when our minds are in a confused state. When we start focusing on and taking care of ourselves, things become clearer, and it becomes easier to know the right decisions to make.
Take care and keep coming back.
Hugs,
JG
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