PrettyinPink

Yes, a year and a half later, and here I am... still.

If you'd like a refresher on my story, search my old posts, there are only a few of them. I don't yet have the 15 posts required to be able to post a link.

Unsurprisingly, not a single thing has changed around here. He's still drinking and I'm still sad and sullen. An incident from last night brought me back here, desperately hoping that somehow I can find the courage to do what I need to do.

A few months ago, I started going with a group of friends to a local club, to see a band we all enjoy. We go about once a month, and until last night, AH was working when we went, and unable to go with us... I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy this fact. Last night he was off, and so joined us for what's always an awesome night out with friends... until he got involved, that is.

He had been drinking already when we went out at 7:00, but I was unsure of how much. We all went to dinner at Mexican restaurant then walked over to the club. The minute we sat down, he started putting his hands all over me, to the point of being embarrassing. I know what he was trying to do... making sure the guys in the band and every other man in the building knew that I was HIS. You know - all those guys he's sure I'm having an affair with?

At one point he actually tried to slide his hand under the waist of my pants, and that's when I jerked away. Of course, for that I got an ugly look and angrily asked "What's your problem? Why would you pull away from me?" Since the night was young, I made nice and then joined my friends on the dance floor in an effort to avoid him and his paws. One of my friends even giggled and said my AH reminded her of a dog peeing on things to mark his territory.

After a little while, one of my friends pulled me aside and told me that he was totally out of it and that the bouncers had their eye on him. I knew the situation with him would only escalate, so this meant we had to leave early, and the night was ruined for me. That's the one night a month that I get to spend with my friends. And boy does he resent it.

We got home and pretty much had a knock down drag out, and for the first time I mentioned the word "divorce". Of course, I was arguing with a drunk, but it sure felt good to say some things that I've kept pent up for too long. As usual, he was repentant this morning, but that didn't stop him from cracking open his first beer of the day as soon as he was through drinking coffee.

Nothing's EVER going to change here, I know that. I'm at the point where I think it's too late to salvage this marriage, and I'm just biding my time until I'm ready to make a move. With the economy in the dumpster, dividing up the finances and selling the house won't be easy, so I'm trying to hold out for a better time to do this. Or is that just an excuse?

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Our older son will graduate from high school in May, and the youngest will be a sophomore this fall. Also, it looks like a piece of property we've had listed is about to sell, which will make a big change for the better in our budget... and will be one less thing for me to worry about when I decide to make the break.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish by sharing all of this, I know it's beating a dead horse. I just felt the need tonight to be around others who understand this insanity.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.

kermit

One thing that stuck out to me is, is this other property a home? If so why don't you (or him) go there?
We understand your frustration we have all been there, glad you are back
Sorry to hear about your night.A dog marking his terriorty, I'm sorry you were treated like this

PrettyinPink

Thanks for the reply, Kermit.

The piece of property is a lot, not a house... that would make things so much simpler!

As far as marking his territory, yeah, that's what we're reduced to. He's constantly trying to bust me having an affair, when it's the God's honest truth that I haven't touched another man in over 20 years. He reads my emails and my texts and wants to know where I am every minute of the day.

The fact of the matter is that I'm physically and emotionally distant from him for a reason he does not want to hear or talk about.

Deep down, he knows what's really wrong.

kermit

he does know, this I believe, How can they not? Right?
I hope the right decision will come to you soon, you deserve better. No lie it it pretty scary at first, when you seperate but it all works out, the truth with us my three kids and I are a much better family we are so close, my daughter tells me often how glas she is that I had the stregth do leave her Dad. She was 15 at the time now she is a beautiful 18yr old college student. Your kids will be fine, I know that must be on your mind too. The what ifs, they can drag you down.
Have you tried Alanon?

Barbara52

His behavior sound absolutely disgusting to me. I am sorry he acts that way. I am sorry you didn't stop it while it was happening. I hope you learn some tools to stop it in its tracks when it happens again.

PrettyinPink

I have located an Al-Anon group which meets about 15 minutes from my house. There are closer meetings, but I'm hoping to avoid seeing a lot of people I know at this point. It's taking all the courage I have to try to go there tonight, and I think it would be less stressful if I can remain somewhat anonymous, at least for now.

He's going to be very upset when he hears about it, but if I want to go tonight, there's no way I can hide it. He's not violent or anything, but is very good at making my life miserable.

I hope I can muster up the strength to do this, I know it's our last hope.

ItsmeAlice

I hope you do find the courage to go to the meeting.

I am sorry he ruined your night out. Hopefully you will be able to reconnect with your friends without him around next time.

Part of taking care of yourself whether you are living with an A or not is sticking to your boundaries. Clearly he was crossing into your personal space in a way that, dare I say, no stranger would live to tell about. I agree with Barbara that you need to set some ground rules for yourself and how you intend to handle his possessiveness in the future. You are noone's property to be claimed!