Tips for a dry drunk spouse?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by Ago 
A few months ago I was replying to a post and all I wrote was "the girls" as a term of affection.
I was crucified by a number of posters.
Yet day after day, page after page of man bashing and alcoholic bashing occurs with nary a peep.
Sometimes I get tired of it.
I was crucified by a number of posters.
Yet day after day, page after page of man bashing and alcoholic bashing occurs with nary a peep.
Sometimes I get tired of it.
I have bashed alcoholics. I will probably bash them in the future. And this is a safe place for me and others, those suffering in oh so many ways, big and small, because of the alcholics in our lives.
Is it fair to alcholics and will the bashing words hurt some alcoholics? Yup.
But then they should know they are likely to see it when they come in here. If we can't us whatever words we need to to talk about our pain, then this place is no longer helpful to some degree. If we have to make sure we don't offend some anonymous alcholic who might be reading, we can't fully open up and work through our own issues.
Is there some "man" bashing going on? Yup. But not much really. Largely attributible to the fact those most who post in here are women BTW. Usually its directed at the men in our lives too. And far different than using what some see as condescending language to the majority, i.e., women.
Your contributions are sometimes excellent and I have valued a great many of your comments. Its the times when you come in and try to discourage us from saying what we need to say that I find you, well, difficult. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by Barbara52
This is one reason why periodically some need a reminder this is the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section of this forum.
I have bashed alcoholics. I will probably bash them in the future. And this is a safe place for me and others, those suffering in oh so many ways, big and small, because of the alcholics in our lives.
Is it fair to alcholics and will the bashing words hurt some alcoholics? Yup.
But then they should know they are likely to see it when they come in here. If we can't us whatever words we need to to talk about our pain, then this place is no longer helpful to some degree. If we have to make sure we don't offend some anonymous alcholic who might be reading, we can't fully open up and work through our own issues.
Is there some "man" bashing going on? Yup. But not much really. Largely attributible to the fact those most who post in here are women BTW. Usually its directed at the men in our lives too. And far different than using what some see as condescending language to the majority, i.e., women.
Your contributions are sometimes excellent and I have valued a great many of your comments. Its the times when you come in and try to discourage us from saying what we need to say that I find you, well, difficult. :ghug3
I have bashed alcoholics. I will probably bash them in the future. And this is a safe place for me and others, those suffering in oh so many ways, big and small, because of the alcholics in our lives.
Is it fair to alcholics and will the bashing words hurt some alcoholics? Yup.
But then they should know they are likely to see it when they come in here. If we can't us whatever words we need to to talk about our pain, then this place is no longer helpful to some degree. If we have to make sure we don't offend some anonymous alcholic who might be reading, we can't fully open up and work through our own issues.
Is there some "man" bashing going on? Yup. But not much really. Largely attributible to the fact those most who post in here are women BTW. Usually its directed at the men in our lives too. And far different than using what some see as condescending language to the majority, i.e., women.
Your contributions are sometimes excellent and I have valued a great many of your comments. Its the times when you come in and try to discourage us from saying what we need to say that I find you, well, difficult. :ghug3
Thanks for being truthful, some deny the A bashing or the men bashing ever even take place.
The problem is mine, 100%
as an alcoholic male, to say i am part of the overwhelming minority is an understatement, so I guess the biggest problem I have is with the double standard. It's apparently "OK" to "bash" men and alcoholics here, but woe if I were to ever "bash" women here.
Sometimes the things said here hurt my feelings, generally not when one is sharing their experience, strength and hope, but general sweeping derogatory statements about men and alcoholics can be hurtful.
While you have an absolute right to say what you need to say, and on occasion, I have the right to be offended.
I can either leave, or I can say, "hey, this bothers me."
It doesn't mean don't say what you need to say, it means, hey, this hurt my feelings.
We disagree about some things on occasion, recovery is being able to walk through these things with both "sides" being "heard" and "validated"
Sometimes I am sensitive, sometimes my feelings get hurt, it's not the end of the world, but I have just as much right, and am just as qualified to be here as anyone, so I am going to say, "Hey, this hurts my feelings" Do with it what you will.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Ago,
Anytime you want a woman's honest perspective, you are so lucky to know where to ask.
Speaking from my experience, I don't hate alcoholics. I hate active thoughtless, carelesss, dishonest, cheating alcoholics that decieve me. I am not even sure that I hate them so much as I feel sorry for myself for having been foolish to trust them.
I don't hate men either. I love the differences between men and women. I have women friends and men friends and cherish them differently.
Anytime you want to bash a female alcoholic that hurts people, go ahead and we will support you...
Miss
Anytime you want a woman's honest perspective, you are so lucky to know where to ask.
Speaking from my experience, I don't hate alcoholics. I hate active thoughtless, carelesss, dishonest, cheating alcoholics that decieve me. I am not even sure that I hate them so much as I feel sorry for myself for having been foolish to trust them.
I don't hate men either. I love the differences between men and women. I have women friends and men friends and cherish them differently.
Anytime you want to bash a female alcoholic that hurts people, go ahead and we will support you...
Miss
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
