Freedom1990

As usual, Anvil is succinct and amusing at the same time!

My home is just that, my home. There hasn't been an active alcoholic/addict in it for several years now. No chaos, no arguements, no crazy-making circular conversations. I get up to quiet in the mornings and start my coffee, let the dogs out, line up my college assignments for the day.

No one has urinated in any of my trash cans, though I do keep my mop handy as my almost 16 year old dog can't always make it to the back door on time. Her old bladder isn't what it used to be. I love her dearly, and she just loves me back.

The last time I smelled pot in my house is when I arrived home unexpectedly and my oldest AD was upstairs in the bedroom with a man I had never seen, and I promptly kicked her to the curb. That was several years ago. I haven't had that problem since.

Really, it's quite delightful, my life! I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm glad I gave me a chance because I am worth it.

Barbara52

Good. He's gone right now. That's a start.

The next step is work on you. Find out why you would even consider letting back in a man who pisses on you! And that is what is he is doing by pissing in the trashcan or anywhere else other than the freakin' toilet.

Get yourself into therapy. Go to AlAnon. Post in here. Do whatever you need to do to figure out why you want to continue to allow this drunk to **** on you. This is your issue to deal with, to control and cure. You CAN do it if you want it bad enough.


If you let him back in, you are saying his drunkeness, his bad behaviors, his verabl abuse,his pissing on you is alright with you. It means you see it as an acceptable way for him to treat you and your home. Because if you won't stop it, he will continue. He doesn't see any reason to change.

kj3880

That is true, Still Waters. You should have heard some of the crazy-making statements that my exabf made before and after the relationship ended. He wasn't working while we dated (quit his job), and came over to eat at my home all three meals most every day. He also used my internet, cable, electricity, water, laundry soap, you name it. All without any contribution from him.

And he just couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him move right in to my house with all his stuff. After the relationship was over, he called me and said "I think, you know, that you are resentful of me eating a couple of lunches that you bought. And I think that's kind of petty. I was, after all, unemployed and down on my luck while we were dating. It's not like I wanted it to be that way. I mean, what's the big deal?!?"

It was like he completely rewrote the whole history of the relationship in one sentence. I was fuming. I couldn't even talk. In fact, that was the last conversation we had, although he does continue to stalk me. Ugh. What is that? Why are they so deluded about their own behavior? I guess it doesn't matter as long as I stay away from him.

KJ

chrisea

he told me all I do is complain and bitch about him and other people and why I can never be happy.

this is the addict turning it off of himself... Well of course, he would say that, he wants to continue the way it is. It all gets to - you will know when it is time to change, when you can't accept it anymore & you will do what ever it takes ... to admit - I can't live like this anymore.

I can still rem & it's been 4 yrs, the time, & place, I said those words to my xabf. I doubt he would even rem., but that isn't important.
It was just the beginning of getting him out of my life & getting my life back. 6

The Days since are alot like Freedom's No chaos, get up to quiet in the mornings and start my coffee They are simply Blissful.

Lisacris

Ok, I'm new here...and the title of this post really caught my eye....I've known my ABF since we were 5yrs. old...we are both 43 now. We grew up together, partied together, went our seperate ways, both got married, had families, got divorced and ended up together a few years ago. I've been sober since 1985 and he is still actively using alcohol/drugs/whatever. However, I will say that the past three weeks he's had two drinks and hasn't left the house except to go to work (and I know he isn't drinking there). Onto the title of this post and my "peeing" experience. When T and I first got together he was totally trashed one night and got out (stumbled/fell) out of bed managed to get to his feet, held himself up against the wall and peed in the laundry basket...I was mortified, I had never seen anyone drunk or sober do this before. the next time, he peed in the corner of my bedroom, the next time on the front steps, stark naked at 10pm with the porch light on (my neighbors were not happy), the next time passed out on the couch all over himself and the couch, the next time, crawling to the bathroom and not making it in time, the next few times he pee'd the bed....he has been in active addiction for over 20yrs. and I think the last three weeks is as sober as he's ever been. He has 2 DWI's, would have had a third, but the cop didn't show up to testify and the judge threw it out...URGHHHH.....went to treatment for 60 days and had a drink on the plane ride home!!! I stay up at night making sure he breathes, making sure he gets up to use the bathroom, doesn't puke on himself and choke, then he gets up in the morning, takes a shower, goes to work and acts like nothing happens, it's a complete black out to him. I've shown him pictures, video tapes, you name it, people who have seen it have told him, this last time (three weeks ago) I took all that he owned and put it in the back of his pick up truck that was parked at the bar along with a note that said "until you are ready to learn to live differently you need to live somewhere where people don't care if you come home drunk, or even if you come home" that was it...after he sobered up he came home, knocked on the door, crying, telling me he needed help. Because he went to TX before (within the last two years) his insurance won't cover him going inpatient again, the only outpatient tx here is during the day and he works, yes, there are AA meetings, but he needs more then that...right now he is just white knuckling it and I think those two drinks he had in the past three weeks were just to stop the DT's...everyone else has given up on him and I just can't. Everytime I want to I picture that sweet little boy on the playground in kindergarten and it breaks my heart....

Still Waters

Lisacris,

You can't help him. You really can't. No matter how many times he cries to you that he needs help, it's not from you that he can get it.

I know there are Salvation Armies in NJ - and they're free.

This is no way for you to live, as you know. The more you "can't give up on him" the more you may be prolonging his destruction.

Just a thought.

Barbara52

Congratulations on maintaining your sobriety

Could anyone else in the world have gotten you sober? Didn't you have to do it for yourself?

There is free help out there for him if he chooses to use it. You cannot do this for him. You can only take care of yourself.