CatsPajamas

Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 4/1

I’ve heard acceptance mentioned at meetings as one part of the “Three A’s” – Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. However, I am inclined to try to jump from awareness to action without even pausing for acceptance. My thinking goes like this: “Something’s wrong! Quick, let me fix it before I have to feel any discomfort.”

The problem is that until I accept the situation, defect, or memory that has come to my awareness, I can rarely take effective action or live serenely with the consequences. The action doesn’t work or it makes things worse, and I feel helpless and hopeless. Even if it does work, I am usually too full of self-doubt to realize it. Most of the time, I still have to go back, sit still, feel the feelings, and come to some acceptance. It helps to be reminded that my Higher Power already accepts me and my situation – and loves me on the bad days as well as the good.

Today’s Reminder

Moving from awareness to acceptance to action takes time, but the benefits are worth the wait. As I learn to accept my defects, circumstances, and feelings, I learn that I am a worthwhile human being just as I am. With that kind of self-acceptance, I begin to see my options, and slowly I can begin to take action, to change.

“…someone suggested I stop concentrating on changing myself and think first about accepting myself. That gave me the boost I needed.”

~Alateen-a day at a time

CatsPajamas

That was me for most of my life. It has taken a lot of recovery work for me to STOP and allow myself to feel my feelings and to accept a situation BEFORE I take an action.

Acceptance was a difficult concept for me. My sponsor and recovery friends had to explain to me many times that accepting something didn't mean I had to like it. Acceptance means I have to see something for what it is... those famous 5 words: It is what it is.

Awareness
Acceptance
Action

3 simple words that can make a huge difference in my life.

MissFixit

Cats,

What a great topic!

Acceptance is hard for so many of us. I for one "get" that I need to "accept" a situation intellectually. The daily actions and emotional controlling of this acceptance is the hard part for me. Balancing "feeling my emotions" and accepting the actions and the fact that I cannot change others or my relationship with them to fit whatever ideal scenario I have is the road block to full acceptance for me.

Thank you for this reminder.

Miss

Bernadette

Thanks Cats--
I can never get enough about "acceptance!"

I have had to accept that acceptance was the (is!) the hardest thing for me-- I am better now, but man, I spent YEARS of my life trying to bend reality, living in denial, unable and unwilling to ACCEPT things as they really are.

Everything improves for me once I accept the truth.

peace and happy trails to all on this recovery road!!
b

Still Waters

Timely post, since I'm not going to jump into any Action on the bizarre email I got from my AH today.

CatsPajamas

Stillwaters,

The good news is that you usually don't have to take immediate action, unless your house is on fire or a kid runs out in front of your car. LOL

My angel sponsor used to tell me a version of an old classic: "Don't just DO something. SIT there." She was encouraging me to sit with something until I was able to accept the reality of it.

Still Waters

The flip side of that, is the deer in the headlights thing. Some days I'm stuck, I can't move or think productively. Just like when I was still living in that nightmare.

Me >>>>>>

nowinsituation

For me it is the difference between knowing something in my head, and knowing it in my heart. I was (still am sometimes) puzzled when I could logically and rationally know something in my head; and yet my heart just didn't seem to get it. Now I chalk that up to: Awareness = knowing it in my head; Acceptance = knowing it in my heart. It always seemed to me that if I KNEW something, why shouldn't that mean I automatically accepted it? What a relief to know they are two separate things, and acceptance will come with time... as long as I am open to it.

I love the part about accepting myself the way I am. I have been trying to change me practically since the day I was born. Time to be open to accepting myself and then seeing what happens from there!

Thanks.

isitme

This speaks a lot to me, because as I sat there reading all of these replies I thought to myself. I have acceptance down pat.. it's the action part I'm lacking in.. but seeing that the awareness is the knowing part and the acceptance is more about taking it in without springing to a judgement or action is certainly harder than I precived it to be in the beginning.
Thanks! I think I still have a long way to go.. I haven't yet accepted that things in my realtionship will probably never change unless I either accept it fully or make the change (action= to leave) myself.

coyote21

Me too! Does this mean, it could just be possible, that old Coyote is "semi-O.K." ?

That's a thought that has never occurred to me before this moment. Thanks Cats!

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

coyote21

I found this quote about acceptance here on SR, and keep it on my desktop......

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person,
place, thing, or situation--some fact of my life--unacceptable to me,
and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing,
or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world
as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote