kv816

Thank you all so much. I know I need to leave and truth is I really want to. I wish I could go right now. I would, if I had anywhere to go to.

I do have that bag packed. And I actually have things at two friend's house and an extra uniform in my locker at work. I have started a savings account, though it's not a large one. He keeps close track of my finances so I can only put $10 and $20 away into it here and there.

It is so sad to see myself in this situation. I feel pathetic, disgusted, ashamed, embarrassed.

I will get out, hopefully soon. I just wish it weren't so hard. He's told me many times that if I leave he'll kill himself. And I honestly believe he will.....though I think it'll be due to driving under the influence. And that scares me....to think that I will be at fault for it. It's his choice to do it, I understand and believe that. But I can't get it out of my head that I will be what pushed him over the edge.

And I know that's a thought I must get out of my head.

Thank you all, really.

Barbara52

Open a new account he doesn't have access to. Find some temporary inexpensive housing if you can't afford to move immediately. Ask some friends if you can move in for a while. Go to a women's shelter. You have a job and a very caring boss. Use the resources you have and get out before you are physically harmed again or before your kids are harmed more than they have been. Please take care of those little ones!

As for the suicide threats, well to be frank and harsh about it, its his choice if he does. But in NO way whatsoever would it be your fault! You aren't that powerful! You do not control this man but it sure sounds like he is doing a very good job of controlling you.

Please! Call the domestic abuse center and listen to them. They will help you find a way out of the danger you and your kids are in right now.

Freedom1990

I couldn't agree more with what Barbara has said. Reach out to those resources. They will help you get out of there. If you wait till you have enough money saved up, there's a good chance it will be too late.

It will escalate even more. I've lived it. Please protect you and those kids.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

prodigal

Your boss called a women's shelter for you. You have friends. You DO have safe places you can go.

It's not hard for him to manipulate you and make you feel guilty that you pushed hin "over the edge." Do you really believe you are that powerful over another person's life? People who commit suicide do so by their own hand.

At this point, I'm thinking of recording a song titled, "It's So Hard To Leave A Drunk" to the tune of "It's So Easy to Fall In Love." You have a job. You have a boss who really cares about you and will protect you.

With a job (financial resources), friends (places you can stay), and an employer who supports you (more places-to-stay resources), I guess the only thing that is making this hard is your mindset.

I hope you find a way out of this soon. You are with somebody who is dangerous. It is just my opinion, but in the time it takes you to get your feelings of guilt out of your head, this man may very well have bashed your head to a pulp. And I'm not trying to be a wise-a$$ here.

Deal with the guilt you have later. Get this dangerous man out of your life! And quit minimizing just how dangerous he really is!

Kindeyes

Oh my......the suicide threat. That's a tough one and he knows it. It's one of the many tools an A uses to hold the co-dependent hostage. I stayed in a marriage for five years with my ex....frightened that he actually might do himself in. (It's 25 years later and he's still alive.)

I'm now dealing with the same threats from my A son. But I know.....in my heart.....that he's 27 years old and should be able to take care of himself by now without his mother. I don't want him to kill himself.....I love him with all of my heart. But I also know that the threats of suicide are a means of holding me hostage. And if (God forbid) he chose to take his life.....my heart would be broken......my serenity would be shattered but I know that he has a choice. A choice to live. A choice to die. A choice to be sober. A choice to recover. I am not in control of any of those choices. Only he is.

No one. No one deserves to be hit or threatened or emotionally hijacked. No one.

gentle hugs

tallulah

It is very very frustrating for me to read this. Not because I am frustrated with you but because it doesn't matter what we say you will be out of there when you are out of there and we are all hoping it isn't in an ambulance or a body bag. It's frustrating because I could post you my statement, my injury photos and a list of the damage...and it still wouldn't yank you out of there.

I got injured in the period of leaving. It is a dangerous time. If you do nothing else, please do not minimise that. I thought because I was leaving, beause the relationship was over and he seemed to accept that, that I was safe. WRONG!

As for the suicide threats. I''ve heard those before. Hell I even had one staged for me by him. But guess what.. I'm gone and he is in a heap of trouble and he is still breathing. It's just another weapon in the arsenal for them. It crossed my mind, briefly, that OMG I hope this situation doesn't tip over the edge to do something stupid.. but then I thought hang on if he does he does.. none of my biz.

And just to finish.. I am not a betting woman but I am willing to wager that if you asked those people who have already reached out to you to give you a hand could they help you or provide a self place to say they would in a heartbeat. Some posted that if you are clinging onto the illusion of the relationship your clenched fist will not allow you to open your hand out and accept the gifts available to you. Make sense to me.