mamaplus2kids

Events of the last few months are making me realize that I need to set and maintain boundaries regarding house guests. The short story is that I live in a secluded mountain area. I have some friends, but I don't socialize with them every week, as they are either:
1) heavy drinkers;
2) mothers and wives who are busy raising their kids and being with their families;
3) extreme religious; or
4) women/men whose values differ from mine in that they care too much about superficial things, ie. designer clothes, spending lots of money, etc.

So, I've been importing former friends/acquaintances and family members. They come to stay for 3 days to one week at a time. The problem is they drink too much.

I don't drink, so I find people who drink excessively annoying and scary. Also, I am raising two children, 5 and 9 years of age, and don't want them to think that drinking more than one glass of wine or beer a day is normal. I also don't want to have problems as a result of their drinking. In Switzerland, car owners are responsible if they lend their cars to a drunk who then causes an accident or gets caught drinking and driving.

I also don't want my children to witness excessive drinking. I am thinking about creating a rule book for my house that contains the following points regarding alcohol:

CHILDREN: No drinking alcohol (more than one drink), smoking, or cursing in front of the children.

HOUSE CARS (drink OR drive): The blood/alcohol limit in Switzerland is 50mg per 100ml of blood. The law is very strict, random testing is carried out and if convicted you will lose your license, receive a heavy fine and may be imprisoned. If you hold a driving license and are traveling in a car with a drunk driver, you are equally responsible under Swiss law. Due to liability reasons, we ask you not to drive our cars, if you’ve had just even one drink. We realize this is extreme, but we have to draw the line somewhere. The fine is set according to the car owner’s income. If you need a ride home, call a taxi or, if unavailable, call the house for someone to come get you.

Do you think this is too strict? I have a feeling I will be limiting the number of people who come to visit me, but I've had enough.

Techie1701

First: your house, your rules. If you don't want people drinking in your house, that's OK. I'm not sure how you would word it that a drink or two is OK, but no more, though I agree with you about moderate drinking only being OK.

Second, why do people get to drive 'house' cars? I'm asking because where I live it would be fairly unusual to allow someone else to drive your car, unless it's your spouse, and you would usually have to specificaly insure them on your car by contacting your insurance company. I certainly wouldn't visit a friend and expect the use of a car. Can't they hire a car if they need to?

Barbara52

Your house, your rules. Period. Guests can't expect you to allow behaviors you find unacceptable. And if that means some folks don't visit, well, that saves you a lot of work doesn't it?

Kindeyes

I remember having the family Christmas Party at my house a couple of years ago. I provided the beverages and meal. Needless to say, the beverages were soft drinks, tea, coffee, etc. My brother in law came up to me and whispered in my ear "Where's the beer?" (as if I was simply hiding it). I whispered back "There is no beer." I'll never forget the shocked look on his face....."You have got to be kidding me."

Nope, I wasn't kidding. lol

It still cracks me up when I think about it.

gentle hugs

JoBloggs

I agree, your house, your rules, and I think your rules are good ones.

GiveLove

I couldn't have put it better.

SleepyCherie

Hell I'd go as far as to make them sign the rule book!

jaimemk

Hey, this is familiar! I live out in the boonies and my family likes to come out and stay for a few days every summer. The first couple of times my two brothers brought beer and got schnockered. I was in codie h**ll! The next year, after I stewed and worried and didn't tell them not to, they did it again. But somewhere during the week someone teased me about making kool-aid. So toxic and bad for kids. (Yes, toxic, but tons of kids for the week and not much money= kool-aid lol) I jumped on it. You're kidding, right? You're downing the beer like it's water in front of all these kids. I was scared, didn't want to say a word, but they just left the door wide open for me. (In my life, that always seems to happen. I trust it more and more now.) The next year nobody brought any beer but they left a few times, hike the river, hang out in the village. Now, nobody brings anything and we drink hot cocoa around the fire We are all a lot healthier these day.

You know those are healthy boundaries! Go with it and let the chips fall where they fall. My children had to be the beginning for me... of setting boundaries. If I want to let people step all over me, that's my sick deal. But if I let them step all over my kids, and getting drunk in front of them is exactly that, well... that's another story. Go with it, I like the written rules thing. You could write it all pretty calligraphy with cute little illustrations and hang it by the front door. "Hey! Glad you're here! Love ya. Hugs. Now stop and read the rules, thanks!"

TakingCharge999

Hi mamaplus2kids,
Can i come over? I do not drink, no kids, no pets, single, well-behaved, play the piano. Can cook tasty Mexican food

mamaplus2kids

Dreamer! You sound great! I play the piano too... we could play duets, and I don't know how to cook Mexican food, so I could learn something new!

mamaplus2kids

Should I send my rules via email long before they think of coming or should I wait until they start talking about coming?

GiveLove

Ditto anvilhead. Much more natural that way.