SleepyCherie

What if I'm just gone when he gets home? I know that isn't very adult of me, but I think about it. Most of my things are still in my empty house and after last nights drunken BS I'm ready to deliver a 5 o'clock surprise.

We spent most of the day with my family. Not something I do often. My mother was drunk and foolish per her usual, cussing like a sailor, making an ass of herself.

After arriving home ABF (dry all day) offered to watch my 7 year old son so that I could go visit with a girlfriend of mine who was visiting from Chicago and at her mother's house. Yay! I was excited!

What I loosely call "normal" for ABF is 5 beers a night, every night.. but when I got home 3 hours later, it was around 10 or more.

Thankfully nothing happened while I was gone. God forbid if anyone needed an emergency room visit and there was no sober driver to get them there.

The boy was in bed, and ABF starts hinting at intimate time. I've drawn a line previously that if he's had more than his usual amount to drink it's a big turn off and I'm no longer interested. So I was polite but honest and said "You've had far too much beer for me to be interested in being naked."

He was silently offended, only obvious by facial expression.

We went to bed and he passed out with his clothes on. Who sleeps in Jeans? He snored really loudly and at one point he stopped breathing for a count of 15.

I slept in the guest room after that. I'm not his damned keeper and he feels the need to drink himself into sleep apnea, I'll not standing in his way.

So.. Is it a really terrible Idea to just.. opt out with no discussion?



This has deteriorated much faster than I anticipated. I suppose that's a good thing.. better to know now than waste years with a slow soul sucker.

GiveLove

Doesn't really sound like much of a happy relationship, cherie. Sorry you're going through this, but true: better to realize it now than 20 years from now.

I think you have the right to do anything you want. It's your life, and if you want to eat spaghetti with your fingers, take pole-vaulting lessons, drive around in a clown car, or take your stuff and go back to your safe, non-stressful home without a word ---- there's not a person on this planet who has the right to criticize you.

Stepping outside the acceptable-behavior box might help get you back to happiness sooner rather than later.

Hoping you find peace

Barbara52

I helped a friend do just that a few years ago. She knew she had to get out for safety reasons and one day when her BF was at work, we emptied out the apartment and she left him a note saying goodby, leave me alone. It worked quite well for her.

I gave my xAH no day I was leaving, just woke him up on that Saturday, brought in our pastor and an RA firend to talk to him, and I moved out. It worked very well for me. I did it mostly to avoid all the drama and crying and screaming that would have come from him since I knew I was leaving no matter what. Telling him I was moving out on X day and being there a few days would not have made it any easier on anyone.

So, if you have had enough and have a place to go, I say go for it. You will be saving yourself drama you and your son don't need.

suki44883

I say go for it. No muss, no fuss, no drama. You're very lucky to have a place ready for you. Most don't have that option.

Freedom1990

I think not only would you be making an excellent choice for yourself, but also for that precious 7 year old son of yours.

:ghug :ghug

Bernadette

DITTO DITTO DITTO!!

Do what's right for YOU!

peace,
b

ItsmeAlice

Amen to that! If you've got what you need...shelter, a way to feed yourself and your child, and can what's left of your stuff, then why not go? If he truly and honestly does not know why you would leave, he can seek out the answer, but let's not kid ourselves. He knows why.

I want the same chance to leave without ABF derailing things before I can even get down the driveway.

SleepyCherie

Thanks everyone for your replies

I do think it would be easier and more articulate to leave a letter and just drop off of the face of the earth. We've been back and forth close to break ups over this issue in the last few months so I don't think he'd bother fighting for me. I don't want him to.

My main concern with telling him I'm leaving is him talking me into staying, I'm vulnerable like that and it would be easier for me to stick to my guns if I just leave. I do have some larger items here that I'd need help with, but I have some friends that have agreed to come back and move things for me so I don't have to be around him.

I've already made the list.

The problem is, he keeps coming home this week. I had an MD appointment yesterday and he insisted on taking me.

On the lighter side of sports, his throat hurt so bad from all of the drunken snoring on Sunday that he didn't drink at all last night. :P However he insisted that he'd become ill and "it must be a 24 hour thing".

I think the medical term for that is HANGOVER.

:wtf2

As always.. I'll keep posting Thanks again (and again and again and again)

tallulah

After my experience I think just being gone when they get back is the safest option. :ghug