Feel like I just got sucker punched
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Met my attorney
And I feel peace! She does not take retainers on a consult because she said there is just too much information to digest, so she wanted me to go home, play around with the numbers on the child support web site, write down any questions, and get back with her.....she said that might be as early as tomorrow or late as never (NOT).
It's weird how clinical it feels. No emotion or drama, she describes it as a business that failed. That is helpful because God knows I've had all the drama I need for the past few years.
So, finally, I can type those letters that I've so long been waiting for.....STBXAH!
Thank you all for the love and support sent through cyberspace. You have absolutely NO idea how it has helped, and it really did feel like I had a room full of cheerleaders to get me through it.
It's weird how clinical it feels. No emotion or drama, she describes it as a business that failed. That is helpful because God knows I've had all the drama I need for the past few years.
So, finally, I can type those letters that I've so long been waiting for.....STBXAH!
Thank you all for the love and support sent through cyberspace. You have absolutely NO idea how it has helped, and it really did feel like I had a room full of cheerleaders to get me through it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 17
Hey Blessed, I hope your time with your friends last night was all you needed it to be. Reading all of this stirred all of my memories of my first year alone...
My BF came over every Monday in her jammies and we drank lattes and cried, talked, laughed. We usually ended up ordering pizza for dinner, still in our jammies (kids were with dad).
I cried so hard in the bathtub, I was surprised the neighbors didn't call the ambulance for me.
I started buying really nice bubblebath and lotion from Victoria's Secret (hadn't been good previously, about buying things for myself) I smelled nice for me.
I bought really soft sheets.
I let my kids sleep in my room lol
Friends and I went to Ladies Night every Tuesday and danced and talked and laughed (and I cried).
My sister took me to concerts
I learned how cool Vineyard churches are, they didn't care if I was doing everything right, they just loved me and called me and taped grocery cards to my front door. Bought my kids Christmas presents.
I journaled, journaled, journaled. Threw my journal sometimes. Left little tear drops all over the pages sometimes. Interesting reading those, seeing how far I've come.
I went to Al Anon.
I read The Healing Path, Women and Love, The Wounded Heart, Blue Like Jazz, Codependent No More, The Language of Letting Go, Where the Sidewalk Ends
I learned to love quiet
I started planning adventures with my children
Started playing the guitar again
I started falling in love with my life, myself. Found out who I was was ok. Started enjoying my time alone so much that the word 'alone' no longer had negative connotations. And a nice offshoot that I had not forseen, my kids were watching me be happy alone. They were watching me learn to be peaceful. They were watching me invest in my friendships. It was almost five years ago, now. my daughter is 16. And she is very healthy in the way that she dates, in the time she spends with her girlfriends that is always a priority. What I thought was the end of my life was just the beginning.
I'm so sorry for your pain. I remember it vividly and it's awful. I'm glad you have good friends, reach out to them often. My thoughts are with you in the days ahead.
My BF came over every Monday in her jammies and we drank lattes and cried, talked, laughed. We usually ended up ordering pizza for dinner, still in our jammies (kids were with dad).
I cried so hard in the bathtub, I was surprised the neighbors didn't call the ambulance for me.
I started buying really nice bubblebath and lotion from Victoria's Secret (hadn't been good previously, about buying things for myself) I smelled nice for me.
I bought really soft sheets.
I let my kids sleep in my room lol
Friends and I went to Ladies Night every Tuesday and danced and talked and laughed (and I cried).
My sister took me to concerts
I learned how cool Vineyard churches are, they didn't care if I was doing everything right, they just loved me and called me and taped grocery cards to my front door. Bought my kids Christmas presents.
I journaled, journaled, journaled. Threw my journal sometimes. Left little tear drops all over the pages sometimes. Interesting reading those, seeing how far I've come.
I went to Al Anon.
I read The Healing Path, Women and Love, The Wounded Heart, Blue Like Jazz, Codependent No More, The Language of Letting Go, Where the Sidewalk Ends
I learned to love quiet
I started planning adventures with my children
Started playing the guitar again
I started falling in love with my life, myself. Found out who I was was ok. Started enjoying my time alone so much that the word 'alone' no longer had negative connotations. And a nice offshoot that I had not forseen, my kids were watching me be happy alone. They were watching me learn to be peaceful. They were watching me invest in my friendships. It was almost five years ago, now. my daughter is 16. And she is very healthy in the way that she dates, in the time she spends with her girlfriends that is always a priority. What I thought was the end of my life was just the beginning.
I'm so sorry for your pain. I remember it vividly and it's awful. I'm glad you have good friends, reach out to them often. My thoughts are with you in the days ahead.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 125
I'm sorry Blessed. You are on the right track. Be strong. You are seeing the truth, as hard as it is to see and accept. I guess we can be thankful that your freight train wasn't worse.
I am in the process of accepting that it has to end for my ABF and me. I felt I needed proof that he was still drinking (besides the smell that he claimed was garlic, then Nyquil), that he was hiding money from me (he's a waiter and gets cash tips) and that he's going out after work to hang with the guys and maybe girls (his coat smells of perfume but his clothes doesn't)...
I've thought about this: do I really need a freight train to come barreling through? What if my freight train is in the form of him leaving food on the stove cooking while I'm alseep? He's done that twice when he lived alone and went to the hospital for smoke inhalation. Do I need that kind of eye opener? No! I'll take the mysterious smells, and then the break up based on suspicious behavior, please!
I'm glad you see the truth. Cry all you want. Let yourself experience the pain. Grieving over a loss is a process, too! (I start off listening to music, then end up crying because...well..."why??") (And why is it that almost every song on my iPod have something to do with love??!!)
And I agree with AGO 1000%. No need for confrontation. Why, so you can say, "Gotcha!" And then what? His will be my method of asking my ABF to leave. No blaming. No judging. Just "this isnt working for me". They can't debate that!
Good luck and I pray for you. :praying
I am in the process of accepting that it has to end for my ABF and me. I felt I needed proof that he was still drinking (besides the smell that he claimed was garlic, then Nyquil), that he was hiding money from me (he's a waiter and gets cash tips) and that he's going out after work to hang with the guys and maybe girls (his coat smells of perfume but his clothes doesn't)...
I've thought about this: do I really need a freight train to come barreling through? What if my freight train is in the form of him leaving food on the stove cooking while I'm alseep? He's done that twice when he lived alone and went to the hospital for smoke inhalation. Do I need that kind of eye opener? No! I'll take the mysterious smells, and then the break up based on suspicious behavior, please!
I'm glad you see the truth. Cry all you want. Let yourself experience the pain. Grieving over a loss is a process, too! (I start off listening to music, then end up crying because...well..."why??") (And why is it that almost every song on my iPod have something to do with love??!!)
And I agree with AGO 1000%. No need for confrontation. Why, so you can say, "Gotcha!" And then what? His will be my method of asking my ABF to leave. No blaming. No judging. Just "this isnt working for me". They can't debate that!
Good luck and I pray for you. :praying
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Funny isn't it... that when you think about taking steps to leave it is scary.. but then your moment comes and you make that leap and it is no alarms and no surprises.. the anticipation is often worse than the event.
I have not heard from my ex for..errrr.. omg nearly three weeks. Nor will I for some time to come if ever. Fate stepped in and made it impossible for him to. If you had asked me before I was wrenched out of the situation I would have expected it to be hard. But the reality is it is peaceful... none of his stuff, blaming, running me down, etc can touch me. I know it is not possible for everyone but if you can get some NC time I highly recommend it.
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
(((Blessed)))
Sometimes our higher power intervenes when we don't have the strength to do it on our own. You are doing the right thing, and we are all here for support. I know how much it hurts with another woman involved, so I can relate. Hang in there, one step at a time and you will be on the other side of the bridge before you know it.
Sometimes our higher power intervenes when we don't have the strength to do it on our own. You are doing the right thing, and we are all here for support. I know how much it hurts with another woman involved, so I can relate. Hang in there, one step at a time and you will be on the other side of the bridge before you know it.
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