AcceptingChange

I've heard people say "my alcoholic was in rehab for 1 (or 2 or 3 or 6) months.
But within days of coming out of the rehab center, they were back drinking again." One person specifically said 6 months.

I find that interesting. That sure seems like an awful long time to be in a structured environment, doesn't it? 6 months. That's close to a semester and a half of school.

And if someone is away from booze for 6 months, and then they come up drinking again, the next question is "What did you do in that facility for 6 months?"

I mean, is it like an old folks home, where everyone sleeps late, watches tv, eats when they're handed food, and then sleeps, plays card or watches more tv?

Or is it like army boot camp, where they teach you how to structure your day, how to take control of every 5 minutes, every 60 minutes, ever morning, noon and night.
Because it seems to me that if someone was in a boot camp, they could be taught to live without alcohol.

Don't get me wrong, i know very well the addictive power of alcohol, and it's control over our rational thought, our "choices" we make one day and then become overwhelmed and break the next.

I'm just wondering what they do in a rehab center?
Any help is greatly appreciated.

catlovermi

It might be more advantageous to post this question on the alcoholism board, where the people who have gone to rehab could answer, as compared to this friends and family board.

CLMI

Ago

Rehabs are exactly like boot camps

People you don't like tell you to do sh1t you don't understand in order to keep you alive after you leave.

occasionally it works

What are alanon meetings like?

tommyk

My rehab was anything but a bootcamp - we had very caring staff members who encouraged us to take a serious look at our thoughts, actions, and desires.

With constant interpersonal interaction it became almost impossible to 'rehearse' answers and/or lie. We discovered our true selves.

It saved my life, hands down, no doubt. That was back in 1989.

The good news for many of those who has been through rehab? They know there is a better way to live and they have learned some methods to cope.

Freedom1990

Hopefully I am understanding the context of this paragraph in relation to rehabs in general.

Regardless of the length of rehab, and whether the person drinks the day they get out, a week later, a month, etc, it isn't as simple as thinking rationally one day, then becoming 'overwhelmed' and breaking the next.

I went through a 28 day rehab. I stayed clean/sober for 4 years. Relapse is a process, and it starts well in advance of the first drink/drug.

Through the years I've seen plenty of people go through rehab just to get people off their back, do their time, only to get back out and do the same old same old.

Then you have the rehab-savvy, repeat rehabbers, the ones who have done rehab multiple times. They know all the right things to say/do to breeze through, with no intention of staying clean/sober once they are out. We buried one here a couple of years ago. She had done rehab 12 times. Her parents literally loved her to death.

People get out of rehab ONLY what they put into it. If they have a desire to change, they will learn every tool available to them that rehab offers, and they will put to use those tools once they are out of rehab.

AcceptingChange

Thanks. That helps me understand. And congrats on staying sober for 4 years after a 28 day stint. That's real success (IMHO). If i understood your explanation, some folks aren't really intent on changing. That explains how some people can come out of 1, 2, 3, 6 months, and start drinking within days or weeks. For others, the disease progresses. The first group you described answers the "why do they start drinking so quickly after leaving rehab."
Of course there is no one description to describe every person who's been through rehab.

This question was in the context of a different discussion, where people were discussing "Why do active As continue to live in such a pain-filled life? Can't they see that drinking is a root cause of their problems? Don't they want to get out of that situation? "
I've got a better understanding now. thanks.

Freedom1990

No, there is no one description for every person who's been through rehab. Yes, some folks really aren't intent on changing, sadly.

When we are active in our addictions, we live in denial, denial that is so very strong we absolutely can't see what the root cause of our problem is.

I am very blessed that I was only out there for two months in active alcoholism/addiction after I relapsed before I got back into recovery again. Many don't make it back.

Repeating rehab wasn't an option for me. I already had the tools I needed, so I walked back into the rooms of AA and started over again.

Still Waters

Great thread, thanks for all the comments

You could also say that many sit in Al-anon meetings, yet never use those tools in their out of control lives, instead they live in denial.

LaTeeDa

I think this is a great thread. I believe it goes to a deeper human tendency. I know I wanted an easy answer. I wanted my problem fixed without having to do anything too hard. I am not an addict, but my life was definitely a mess married to an alcoholic.

When I finally sought out counseling, I was desperate. I had tried pretty much everything else. I had kicked my husband of 18 years out of the house and still my problems were not solved. I wanted to change so badly that I was willing to do things differently. I finally admitted that there was no easy answer and that I was going to have to do some serious changing if I wanted out of my self-imposed misery. I had to admit that I didn't have the answers and that my thinking and behaviors were flawed.

I can't count how many times I have read on this board about someone who is living with an alcoholic and taking antidepressants. It's human nature I think to try and cure the symptoms because eliminating the cause is just too hard. Yeah, living with an alcoholic will depress you. No kidding.

Sorry for the rant. It's hard to change. It's even harder to want to change. So, in that sense, I guess I can understand why rehab doesn't work most of the time.

L

Freedom1990

Recovery from codependency was even harder for me than my recovery from drugs/alcohol.

I flat out refused to even consider I might have a problem in the area of codependency for 12 years after I got out of rehab.

Needless to say when I finally hit my codie bottom it was excruciating because I was clean/sober and had to actually feel it like other codies do! Ouch!

steve11694

As a now sober alcoholic stated to me when I asked him what helped him get clean

"my parents changed the locks on the house"

AcceptingChange

I've done some more research on this topic of "Why don't A's change after long rehabs". I read two biographies about celebrity A's who seriously impacted the lives of those who loved them. The first was "The Chris Farley Show". The second was "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead: Warren Zevon". I'm neutral about these artists. I'm more curious about learning from their addictions.

Chris farley was in rehab 20+ times. And he died at 33! He was serious the 1st couple times in rehab. But then he used it to run from the "nagging" from those who loved him. And when this guy drank, everyone knew. He got trashed; ugly, obnoxious, just way over the top. His family tried, brothers more than parents. But in the end, we all control our own destinies. This was a quick read, and the format was good. Chris's brother interviewed 10+ people, and he'd have 3 or 5 people give their interpretations of what happened in certain situations. This guy went from dry to 5 day binges in 24 hours. He didn't progress. He basically was a white-knuckled drunk who decided to "start drinking". And then, he drank 24x7 for days.

The 2nd book about Warren Zevon. I liked this book a bit more (though i learned from both of them). What was different with Zevon's book was the clear descriptions about the codependents in his life. His wife and his wife's parents. Warren's parents didn't enable, but they were not active in his life in any shape, so it wasn't a strategy. They just didn't care, really, about him. Sober, drunken, cancer, healthy, whatever. He was out of their orbit. The real lesson for me was from Warren's wife, and his wife's parents. His wife kept "letting him back in" after he hit her 1, 2, 3 times. His wife's parent's were very kind, caring, concerned people. Forgiving, sending money, forgiving, looking "at the person underneath the disease". And all of this kindness didn't help the A. He just took and took. Warren was a nasty, self absorbed guy; drunken outrages, hitting his pregnant wife, kicking his wife and newborn out in the winter cuz of some stupid slight. And she kept forgiving. These aren't my conclusions. These are the opinions expressed in the book by those who knew and tried to love him.

I got a good portrait of codependency. I learned how helping As hurts them. We're taught "kindness heals". We're also taught "for every rule, there is an exception". Enabling addicts with kindness is the exception.
I got a good appreciation for the need to accept that each person is responsible for their own decisions. I got a good appreciation for not buying the active A groceries, unless they are in active recovery. Because you're not helping. I learned that it's important to make them sleep in their own ****, not clean up after a drunken rage, not clean them up and put them to bed. Because they don't learn from the gratitude. They just assume life works itself out somehow, like you & I assume 7-11 is open all the time. You can extend help, but in the form of "Call me when you stop drinking". Because drinking IS the problem. The other "problems" are not the cause of the drinking. The other "problems" are means to convince others to help. And then, the A doesn't have to change the real problem, the problem that spawns other problems. If they don't stop drinking, they'll produce problems like rabbits produce rabbits.

I now have a firm belief in the power of tough love. And if someone drinks themselves and passes out in the middle of winter and freezes to death, then i will not accept responsibility for that decision. Just like if my sister takes her money to the casino and loses it all in one night. You, the person in the orbit of the A, cannot control their behavior. Just like you cannot control the flooding of the Mississippi each spring.

I'd love your opinion on this subject. And we can have a good discussion if you read Warren Zevon's biography, written by his codependent ex-wife who was completely unappreciated by this megalomaniac. You may enjoy his music, but i can't imagine anyone condoning his alcohol fueled behavior.

Of course, this is just my opinion. i could be wrong.