jennygirl73

I know it's been a while since I have been here and posted. Living with my AH has it's up and downs. And definitely more downs than ups. I know that this disease just progresses, but that does not make it any easier to live with and watch how it destroys everyone around it. I have spent the past couple of months working on my relationship with me. And I do feel stronger. I have done more for me, and had started saving so that I could leave my AH so that our 4 year old won't have to grow up in this environment. Then I lost my job. I was lucky to find something else, and fast, but I am making half the money that I was before, and now there is nothing to save. I feel so trapped! I am super angry at my old boss, but that gets me no where. I am angry with my AH for being okay with how crappy our life is, and that gets me no where. This feeling of being trapped is eating me alive. I thought that I could handle this on my own, but I can't. I can't help him and he doesn't want to help himself. I am just having a really hard time living with this disease, and wondering if there are any of you that can give me your story on living with your AH and not going completely insane??

GiveLove

I can't give you any advice on just sticking with it with no end in sight.....others will be along who can address that.

I know that that's why some of the people in my Al-Anon group keep coming - they are trapped financially in their relationship with their A, and it gives them support and connection while they work their way toward independence. Do you go to Al-Anon or counseling or anything like that?

Remember that even 10.00 a week is saving. Books like Your Money Or Your Life were instrumental for me in learning how to put money away even under ridiculous circumstances. You CAN keep moving toward your goal, and it may save your sanity. (part of the madness is feeling like there's no way out....and there is almost always a way out, just might take more time than you'd hoped) Also look at alternative situations - sharing an apartment/condo/house with another mom-with-a-child, continuing to look for another job, seeing what you could sell on eBay to build your nest egg, starting a small side business, etc.

jennygirl73

I have gone to alanon before and am going again today in about 15 minutes. I am hoping to just get my head straight so that I can think clearly and calm myself down. I'll let you know how I feel when I get back!

naive

trust in your HP. sometimes, one has to go all the way out on the edge and then things start moving. faith!

today, i went to a thrift store with my mother. she bought me a pair of jeans because mine are in tatters. i liked the ones that were $7, but settled for the $3 ones because she was buying.

when i came home to launder them, $20 fell out of the pocket.

jennygirl73

Lucky you!! Thank you all for your kindness. It's not so new, but it still blows me away that all of you can be so kind, and so patient, and so, well, nice! Thank you all for just being here and listening to my rambling!