respektingme

On occasion, when my DH would "slip", his sponsor has asked me where I was. The last time he drank was New Year's Eve. Our neighbor was having a party and DH said he'd stay home with the kids and urged me to go. He hadn't had a drink in about 6-7 months, so I debated and decided I'd go. Came home and he was trashed for the next 24 hours. His sponsor and I spoke and he asked me why I left him alone.

Prior to that, he was active and the last time he drank was in June 2008. I took the kids to my parent's house for the weekend, came home and he was trashed. Again, his sponsor asked me why I left DH alone.

Spring Break is coming up next week. Technically, I'm not supposed to have to babysit his sobriety. Any thoughts? I don't want to be chained to him because he might drink. If he's truly working on his sobriety, he should be doing what he needs to do to guarantee he keeps it while I'm gone. Otherwise, he's not really sober. True? Thoughts?

jehnifer

If you assume "responsibility" for him not to drink and stay by his side...then you also must assume "responsibility" for his recovery. How impossible is that?! Focus on your own recovery sweetie. His desire to stay clean and sober has to come from within HIM. You will compromise your quality of life, serenity and God's purpose for you if you place your husband ahead of other things. It will work itself out. Blessings to you!

hadenoughnow

It's not your job to babysit him, very unrealistic, and IMO not AA program for his "sponsor" to expect you to! It's up to your AH to work his program not you.

NoelleR

I'm just about ready to run out the door on my way to church, but I felt I needed to at least post something here in response.....

You're absolutely right; it is NOT your job to babysit your husband's recovery; it is HIS recovery and NOT yours. ...as the Alanon saying goes...you didn't Cause; you can't control it; and you definitely can't Cure it. You have a life, and you absolutely deserve one.

The next time, if there is one, you leave your H alone and he relapses, and his sponsor asks you where you were, just tell him you were out having a life, and if he feels your H needs a babysitter, he can jolly well come over and do that job ihmself. .....and yes, you can say you're just repeating what I (someone on this message board) said, and he can come to me if he takes offense....... (o:

You have a great day respektingme, and I hope this maybe helped you out a wee bit; it sure did wonders for me.....LOLOL


NoelleR

Freedom1990

I agree 100%.

No sponsor I personally know of 'checks in' with the spouse of an alcoholic, nor expects them to babysit an alcoholic. Geeesh!

Bernadette

Ditto freedom-- his sponsor is out in left field asking YOU why you left him alone! Is this an AA sponsor you're talking about?

You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.

Don't blame yourself!
peace,
b

Ago

Ditto ditto ditto

The next time his sponsor tried to drag me into "his" recovery, I'd smile sweetly and ask him if he has ever considered attending alanon

Actually his response would be pretty illuminating

respektingme

Well, I can't pass up an opportunity to take my kids to the Smokies over Spring Break with my dad. The option would be to stay here and I'd resent that. So, I suppose it's his choice. But I think he's aware that I have choices too, whether I realized it before or not. I do now.