my ups and my downs.
No Codie No More.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 155
my ups and my downs.
Sarah is the new friend I met through alkie and now am hanging out with.(they didn't know eachtoher when we meet)
well I asked "sarah" if she wanted to go to dinner and a movie wed. night, she said yes. on the drive there (she is such a talker lol ). she told me her process of becoming born again.. before she went to college, her father was a alcoholic and her mother was extremly sick at the same time. (her mother is alive and doing good and her father gave up alcohol and is a christian where he was agnostic).
anyway she told me what she went through, well it was our first time alone at dinner. I really don't know her too well so thats why I asked her to a movie.
I listened to some of you in my previous posts about telling her my beliefs and not lying, although I tried very hard to ignore you I thought this women deserves the truth yet I don't want to scare her away. I want to get to know her more.
I don't like giving up emotions, I learned this from alkie friend, if I gave up a weakness, she would exploit it or take advantage of it als I'm very secretive by nature.
yes I told her that I had doubts, where those doubts came from, to some degree. I wasn't going to spill the beans. old doubts were answered yet new doubts arise.
sarah knows my alkie friend, not to a good extent yet she told me she thought she drank too much. last time we hung out, her friend said something and all I heard was "alcoholic". so I guess they somewhat know, but I won't tell them the full story nor will you hear it either.
so basically here it is, I don't want to tell anyone, especially her what went on, how it effected me and whats going on right now. no emotion, no weakness is the idea. except when posting on a annoymous forum where hopefully no one finds out who I am.
the dinner conversation was about her coming back to christianity and when I met her in her "bad phase".
the movie was "slumdog millionaire", I was surprised about the movie. actually good.
that was my night, predictable. no running around to get drugs or alcohol, no erradic behavior and no her calling her friends to come hang out with us.
so anyway, my thoughts were she suffered by the hands of alcoholism, so have I. I just don't want to make this based on that, so far, I haven't said ANYTHING close to what is going on with me. I like it that way. but what happens when she asks?
In generic terms, I said something about me that I didn't want to, she said "well atleast people don't say anything". (she knows that alkie talked bad about me so I assume she somewhat gets the idea). I said they do comment on it. she said she couldn't believe it and it was awful.
outside when we were heading to the movie she commented on it again. I think she knows who I am referring to, she is a very smart women. I just told her I put up boundaries now.
does she deserve to be told the truth? I'm not exactly lying yet I'm not spilling my heart out. she doesn't need to hear every single issue.
she is extremely nice, a sweetheart. opposite of alkie friend where her being nice had to be earned and if I didn't do x or y favor, I was useless.
well I asked "sarah" if she wanted to go to dinner and a movie wed. night, she said yes. on the drive there (she is such a talker lol ). she told me her process of becoming born again.. before she went to college, her father was a alcoholic and her mother was extremly sick at the same time. (her mother is alive and doing good and her father gave up alcohol and is a christian where he was agnostic).
anyway she told me what she went through, well it was our first time alone at dinner. I really don't know her too well so thats why I asked her to a movie.
I listened to some of you in my previous posts about telling her my beliefs and not lying, although I tried very hard to ignore you I thought this women deserves the truth yet I don't want to scare her away. I want to get to know her more.
I don't like giving up emotions, I learned this from alkie friend, if I gave up a weakness, she would exploit it or take advantage of it als I'm very secretive by nature.
yes I told her that I had doubts, where those doubts came from, to some degree. I wasn't going to spill the beans. old doubts were answered yet new doubts arise.
sarah knows my alkie friend, not to a good extent yet she told me she thought she drank too much. last time we hung out, her friend said something and all I heard was "alcoholic". so I guess they somewhat know, but I won't tell them the full story nor will you hear it either.
so basically here it is, I don't want to tell anyone, especially her what went on, how it effected me and whats going on right now. no emotion, no weakness is the idea. except when posting on a annoymous forum where hopefully no one finds out who I am.
the dinner conversation was about her coming back to christianity and when I met her in her "bad phase".
the movie was "slumdog millionaire", I was surprised about the movie. actually good.
that was my night, predictable. no running around to get drugs or alcohol, no erradic behavior and no her calling her friends to come hang out with us.
so anyway, my thoughts were she suffered by the hands of alcoholism, so have I. I just don't want to make this based on that, so far, I haven't said ANYTHING close to what is going on with me. I like it that way. but what happens when she asks?
In generic terms, I said something about me that I didn't want to, she said "well atleast people don't say anything". (she knows that alkie talked bad about me so I assume she somewhat gets the idea). I said they do comment on it. she said she couldn't believe it and it was awful.
outside when we were heading to the movie she commented on it again. I think she knows who I am referring to, she is a very smart women. I just told her I put up boundaries now.
does she deserve to be told the truth? I'm not exactly lying yet I'm not spilling my heart out. she doesn't need to hear every single issue.
she is extremely nice, a sweetheart. opposite of alkie friend where her being nice had to be earned and if I didn't do x or y favor, I was useless.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Hmmm. You've just broken up with one girlfriend and still love her, right? You think its best not to discuss your real feelings to protect yourself somehow. You want to hide your real self and give nothing of yourself to this new woman. Yet you are getting involved with this new woman? Is that fair to her? Or yourself? Perhaps you can consider working on your own issues before you seek to get involved with another relationship? From where I sit, starting out with the intent to hide your real emotions and weaknesses and opinons even, isn't a very hopeful begining for any sort of relationship.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
It sounds like an awful lot of work to me even for a friendship. You have to be careful what you say, what you don't say, you already said something about yourself you didn't want to, you're not exactly lying yet you're not spilling your heart out either.
I was exhausted just reading your post and I wasn't even there!
I was exhausted just reading your post and I wasn't even there!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by drained22 
no, It's not a new relationship. we both decided we just want a friendship from the beginning.
No Codie No More.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 155
I am being myself but I'm not using the poor women as a free psychologist. thats what you don't understand, just because she kinda knows her doesn't mean I open up every secret..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
If I was just starting to hang out with a guy I wouldn't want to know all of his issues or be burdeoned with his former relationship. That intimacy comes with time. Time where you have not such heavy conversations and just enjoy each others company.
Just my opinion, but don't rush into this.
Just my opinion, but don't rush into this.
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