Fresh post. Settling in a new place.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Fresh post. Settling in a new place.
And loving it.
Everything has sorted itself out. Practical logistics are nothing compared to "moving out" emotionally, from a place full of hurt.
These two days I have been thinking about flowers, my favorites are birds of paradise... and guess what?
Today I parked somewhere else I have never parked, to avoid triggers, and the ONLY spot available was the one next to a bunch of birds of paradise.
There were no other flowers.
I look out somewhere and guess what, another bird of paradise.
My neighbor just added a bird of paradise between his plants.
These days I have learned that the signs are there, and the beauty in it all is there, as long as you choose to see. Those birds have a new meaning and I will fill my cubicle and new home, with bamboo plants and flowers.
Hope you all, have the chance to do something great for yourselves.
I live alone now but never felt less lonely in my life. Its full of family, friends, HP and you, so I am very grateful for that.
Lately people have confided secrets and hurtful stuff to me, so at least I am becoming a better listener. Ppl have told me they talk to me because they do not feel judged.
I am very glad today because I do not feel the same person as I was a few months or even days ago.
I am sorry I keep on opening threads, but I just wanted to say that taking care of oneself is great and many times your imagination is much worse than reality. I imagined bad stuff now that I am my ex's neighbor, but somehow I am finding ways to avoid him even more, will come to work by bike, so I will be healthier and not see the Goddamn Matrix Full of Triggers ever again.
It is great to feel in control. I recommend it
:ghug2
Everything has sorted itself out. Practical logistics are nothing compared to "moving out" emotionally, from a place full of hurt.
These two days I have been thinking about flowers, my favorites are birds of paradise... and guess what?
Today I parked somewhere else I have never parked, to avoid triggers, and the ONLY spot available was the one next to a bunch of birds of paradise.
There were no other flowers.
I look out somewhere and guess what, another bird of paradise.
My neighbor just added a bird of paradise between his plants.
These days I have learned that the signs are there, and the beauty in it all is there, as long as you choose to see. Those birds have a new meaning and I will fill my cubicle and new home, with bamboo plants and flowers.
Hope you all, have the chance to do something great for yourselves.
I live alone now but never felt less lonely in my life. Its full of family, friends, HP and you, so I am very grateful for that.
Lately people have confided secrets and hurtful stuff to me, so at least I am becoming a better listener. Ppl have told me they talk to me because they do not feel judged.
I am very glad today because I do not feel the same person as I was a few months or even days ago.
I am sorry I keep on opening threads, but I just wanted to say that taking care of oneself is great and many times your imagination is much worse than reality. I imagined bad stuff now that I am my ex's neighbor, but somehow I am finding ways to avoid him even more, will come to work by bike, so I will be healthier and not see the Goddamn Matrix Full of Triggers ever again.
It is great to feel in control. I recommend it
:ghug2
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi friends. Thanks a lot
The last days I saw two large cockroaches, yuk, so today a coworker recommended a fumigator, who went to the apartment this morning.
I was almost in my PJs, putting on makeup, with the apartment still a mess, etc.
The fumigator was a young, attractive management student with a wonderful set of pale turquoise eyes. He looked great in his suit, LOL and I added it to the fantasy list (along with the fireman suit, LOL)
We chatted a little. I started getting nervous.
He asked me out.
I accepted.
Walking towards work I saw F. walking on the other side of the street. I am convincing myself its a shell and remembering all the bad stuff. I am back on track at this moment. Only allowed a few hurtful thoughts, then back to my great Friday
I recalled when I spent hours trying to look good, I got a glance from F. Later he and his friend would send me to the backseat while they "mockingly" called... CALL GIRLS. Yes. While I was present.
Here I am looking my worse, but feeling good and "confident", and I swear this unknown guy treated me better than the "Love of My Life".
Please God, keep sending me handsome guys to help me get over F. for good.
I plan to add another cockroach, even a plastic one, just for him to come over again LOL.
No, but really we may start going out as friends. I am glad just for that. Eye candy for now
Of course, I am eating just bread and tuna sandwiches these weeks, what with the rent and all $$$, but I am still very hopeful about my future plants and saving all my money just for them. Can't believe how something as dumb as that can make me so happy. I will tend to the plants and see if they survive, lol. Then I can move to a pet (I am thinking something requiring low maintenance such as an ant farm LOL)
Thanks all for being out there. You are all right in that life is much better on the other side!!
The last days I saw two large cockroaches, yuk, so today a coworker recommended a fumigator, who went to the apartment this morning.
I was almost in my PJs, putting on makeup, with the apartment still a mess, etc.
The fumigator was a young, attractive management student with a wonderful set of pale turquoise eyes. He looked great in his suit, LOL and I added it to the fantasy list (along with the fireman suit, LOL)
We chatted a little. I started getting nervous.
He asked me out.
I accepted.
Walking towards work I saw F. walking on the other side of the street. I am convincing myself its a shell and remembering all the bad stuff. I am back on track at this moment. Only allowed a few hurtful thoughts, then back to my great Friday
I recalled when I spent hours trying to look good, I got a glance from F. Later he and his friend would send me to the backseat while they "mockingly" called... CALL GIRLS. Yes. While I was present.
Here I am looking my worse, but feeling good and "confident", and I swear this unknown guy treated me better than the "Love of My Life".
Please God, keep sending me handsome guys to help me get over F. for good.
I plan to add another cockroach, even a plastic one, just for him to come over again LOL.
No, but really we may start going out as friends. I am glad just for that. Eye candy for now
Of course, I am eating just bread and tuna sandwiches these weeks, what with the rent and all $$$, but I am still very hopeful about my future plants and saving all my money just for them. Can't believe how something as dumb as that can make me so happy. I will tend to the plants and see if they survive, lol. Then I can move to a pet (I am thinking something requiring low maintenance such as an ant farm LOL)
Thanks all for being out there. You are all right in that life is much better on the other side!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by Dreamer999 
Of course, I am eating just bread and tuna sandwiches these weeks, what with the rent and all $$$, but I am still very hopeful about my future plants and saving all my money just for them. Can't believe how something as dumb as that can make me so happy.
If it makes you happy, then it can never be dumb.
Thank you for sharing. It feels so good to be good to yourself, doesn't it?
K
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
I live alone now but never felt less lonely in my life.
even taking a nap, is keeping me busy...
I've been in those relationships, where you are more lonely in them.
even taking a nap, is keeping me busy...
I've been in those relationships, where you are more lonely in them.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 49
I have not read your entire thread but after reading a few posts, I get it, and have been there. Thank you for your reflections and the reference to finding your favorite flowers, there are signs all around us if we can step back and open our eyes. Your post made me smile as I am determined to find my strength and do some "re inventing" of my own!
Thank you and DO keep us up to date on your "cockroach situation"...lol...you have a great sense of humor and a positive outlook!
Thank you and DO keep us up to date on your "cockroach situation"...lol...you have a great sense of humor and a positive outlook!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: West Midlands, UK
Posts: 107
Every cloud or cockroach it would seem has a silver lining then?
I completely understand where you are too and am taking so much inspiration from your writing and humour. Keep it up Lady, you're keeping me going too.
xxxxxxxxxx
I completely understand where you are too and am taking so much inspiration from your writing and humour. Keep it up Lady, you're keeping me going too.
xxxxxxxxxx
I believe I can do this
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 85
Good for you for doing so well! There is nothing dumb about seeing beauty in the plants and finding meaning in them. That's great that you are moving on and feeling better. I received a nasty letter from my ex yesterday and instead of feeling put down, hurt, or angry, I felt grateful that our toxic relationship is over. Being in that dance of drama and deceit was a nightmare I believe I have finally woke up from. It sounds like your relationship with F is similar. Amazing how we can feel more complete and full when we are not connected to someone toxic. You are insightful to recognize your triggers. Good luck in your new life!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Those turquoise eyes are always so strange and hypnotic (like that actor Cillian Murphy?) A fun friend-date will be good for your ego and your heart, dreamer. Who would have thought that HP would use cockroaches as a tool for recovery..... 
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi friends!! Thank you so much for your kind words. You all made me smile today. I hadn't noticed my own thread LOL.
We have exchanged a few friendly emails. He is very nice, looking forward to get to know him. Its great not to plan or expect anything. From him. Or anyone. Its great to be able to start a friendship from a safer, healthier place in my life. Its great knowing I won't hurt him or myself in the process of looking for the impossible in someone else. Its great to feel myself using better foundations. Its a brand new life
Poor guy, he will need to demonstrate a lot of stuff before even a little kiss, LOL.
On a different note, I would like to tell you something. A friend from a previous job contacted me as he was coming to town. We went out, had dinner, I had a few, and we kissed (and slept together....yes we actually slept). It was more like a fun thing, nothing serious.
He is enthusiastic and very good looking. I had a wonderful time. Laughed from the first minute to the last one.
Yesterday I sent him a message and called. No response. I started feeling hurt but did not go there. Thought "he may have too much work, no battery, sleeping, does not have to be about ME". Thought that he had my number, and if he wanted to, he could call me.
Went on with the day. Went to an AA meeting. They are great people. Cried, because I was sad, and I missed F. Yes. I missed him. Regardless of -anything. No more batlling that feeling. Its is a relief to be able to feel lousy there and no one judging you. It is a relief to be there with alcoholics in recovery and reinforce what I know, what HP saved myself from. Also them being all guys is kind of symbolic for me. They understand and tell me the truth about all the people around they have hurt, and how they are hurting themselves much more, and that its BS F. does not remember what he did and said. That I did nothing wrong, couldn't have known he was an abuser, not a social type and that they often say alcoholics are attracted to good women. I said, "good? codies you mean!!" and he said, No. Good women that really care, and we love them first, and then they are an obstacle. Sad disease. In a nutshell, they remind me to own my stuff. Not his.
I carried my bad stuff, his bad stuff, and constantly remember his good stuff as self torture, while ignoring my good stuff. Twisted! LOL.
Went back home, I am incredible happy cleaning it and saving in order to decorate it.
Today I went on with my day and my friend called me. We saw each other again, I just came back from eating lunch with him. Wonderful time once again. We made plans to travel and see each other on a SPA when I go back to Mexico.
I had forgotten the feeling of being ACKNOWLEDGED (even that seemed like an incredible feat with F), not to mention listened to, and to feel good about myself! To receive compliments. And to accept them. He made me smile, HP sent him to me. Back in our old job I wouldn't have contacted him, although he looked nice, and now look, he is a great motivation and becoming an excellent friend.
Its great to be able to recognize Godsends. Please HP, keep them coming, LOL.
My ex's have not been very handsome, and here I am seeing two guys that I would have considered out of my league. Who treat me right.
So for anyone stuck in hell, there is hope, and you do not have to do anything, just let HP lead the way. Its wonderful when you see its for real, not just an idea floating around
We have exchanged a few friendly emails. He is very nice, looking forward to get to know him. Its great not to plan or expect anything. From him. Or anyone. Its great to be able to start a friendship from a safer, healthier place in my life. Its great knowing I won't hurt him or myself in the process of looking for the impossible in someone else. Its great to feel myself using better foundations. Its a brand new life
Poor guy, he will need to demonstrate a lot of stuff before even a little kiss, LOL.
On a different note, I would like to tell you something. A friend from a previous job contacted me as he was coming to town. We went out, had dinner, I had a few, and we kissed (and slept together....yes we actually slept). It was more like a fun thing, nothing serious.
He is enthusiastic and very good looking. I had a wonderful time. Laughed from the first minute to the last one.
Yesterday I sent him a message and called. No response. I started feeling hurt but did not go there. Thought "he may have too much work, no battery, sleeping, does not have to be about ME". Thought that he had my number, and if he wanted to, he could call me.
Went on with the day. Went to an AA meeting. They are great people. Cried, because I was sad, and I missed F. Yes. I missed him. Regardless of -anything. No more batlling that feeling. Its is a relief to be able to feel lousy there and no one judging you. It is a relief to be there with alcoholics in recovery and reinforce what I know, what HP saved myself from. Also them being all guys is kind of symbolic for me. They understand and tell me the truth about all the people around they have hurt, and how they are hurting themselves much more, and that its BS F. does not remember what he did and said. That I did nothing wrong, couldn't have known he was an abuser, not a social type and that they often say alcoholics are attracted to good women. I said, "good? codies you mean!!" and he said, No. Good women that really care, and we love them first, and then they are an obstacle. Sad disease. In a nutshell, they remind me to own my stuff. Not his.
I carried my bad stuff, his bad stuff, and constantly remember his good stuff as self torture, while ignoring my good stuff. Twisted! LOL.
Went back home, I am incredible happy cleaning it and saving in order to decorate it.
Today I went on with my day and my friend called me. We saw each other again, I just came back from eating lunch with him. Wonderful time once again. We made plans to travel and see each other on a SPA when I go back to Mexico.
I had forgotten the feeling of being ACKNOWLEDGED (even that seemed like an incredible feat with F), not to mention listened to, and to feel good about myself! To receive compliments. And to accept them. He made me smile, HP sent him to me. Back in our old job I wouldn't have contacted him, although he looked nice, and now look, he is a great motivation and becoming an excellent friend.
Its great to be able to recognize Godsends. Please HP, keep them coming, LOL.
My ex's have not been very handsome, and here I am seeing two guys that I would have considered out of my league. Who treat me right.
So for anyone stuck in hell, there is hope, and you do not have to do anything, just let HP lead the way. Its wonderful when you see its for real, not just an idea floating around
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