He came home....
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: michigan
Posts: 4
He came home....
After 48 peaceful hours he came home. I asked him what he wanted and why he was back. He said that he is unhappy with himself, wants to stop drinking and he will do whatever it takes to keep his family. I told him there is no way he can stay if he continues to drink.
He has a an Doctors appointment today where he plans on getting on deppression meds and starting on antiabuse. He has an appointment next week at a mental health clinic.
I am trying not to get my hopes up this is farther than he has ever gone before.
What do you'all think?
He has a an Doctors appointment today where he plans on getting on deppression meds and starting on antiabuse. He has an appointment next week at a mental health clinic.
I am trying not to get my hopes up this is farther than he has ever gone before.
What do you'all think?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 8
I just want to wish you all the luck & strength you are going to need. This is a very tough time. I only wish for the best. I know this is hard, and Im still trying to do this myself... You have to worry about yourself right now, and the well being of your family.
Have you attended an Al-Anon mtg before? I went for my first time and it helped me more than I thought it would. I suggest trying to go to one.
I wish you all the luck!
Have you attended an Al-Anon mtg before? I went for my first time and it helped me more than I thought it would. I suggest trying to go to one.
I wish you all the luck!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
dianalyn
I think that this is a good sign and that there is always hope that they will hit bottom and decide to grab a lifeline. Miracles happen every day.
The thing is that we never have any guarantees in life, and the best thing you can do is work a program for your own recovery that will help you stay strong and balanced, regardless of how he does.
I'm sending hugs and prayers for both of you.
Hugs
Ann
I think that this is a good sign and that there is always hope that they will hit bottom and decide to grab a lifeline. Miracles happen every day.
The thing is that we never have any guarantees in life, and the best thing you can do is work a program for your own recovery that will help you stay strong and balanced, regardless of how he does.
I'm sending hugs and prayers for both of you.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
My ex-A has great success
with antabuse...WHEN HE STAYS ON IT. His problem is, he lets the prescription lapse, knows he's been off it long enough and the old demons come back to plague him.
It sounds like your husband is taking some positive steps in the right direction. Good for him. I hope that you are doing some things to take care of you as well. I hope that you will remember to be good to yourself and take care of your needs too.
Peace,
Gabe
It sounds like your husband is taking some positive steps in the right direction. Good for him. I hope that you are doing some things to take care of you as well. I hope that you will remember to be good to yourself and take care of your needs too.
Peace,
Gabe
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Diana,
Time will tell. Do some reading...and go to Al-Anon. You will find the face to face support there that you are finding here. You will be better able to handle whatever happens with him.
Hugs,
JT
Time will tell. Do some reading...and go to Al-Anon. You will find the face to face support there that you are finding here. You will be better able to handle whatever happens with him.
Hugs,
JT
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Diana,
I was in a very similar situation with my AH not so long ago. He went on a binge for 4 days, spent loads of money, got his/our truck impounded etc.... and I had had enough. I told him over the phone to NOT come home; that he has NO credit cards any longer, that all our money has been moved to other accounts, and that our business assets are now secure and OUT of his name (my father in law was a big help financially). My husband called his AA sponser and went to live with him. He also expressed how much he wanted to stop the drinking / using, and how scared and ashamed he was. He threw himself back into his AA and NA program full force... this WAS the fartherest he had ever gone before.
But, what I learned was most important was that this was the farthest I had ever gone before. For the first time, I put ME first... I had a moment of "awakening" in a sense, and just KNEW that his behavior was no longer acceptable with me. My boundaries were set, I was strong... and I was forever changed. I may take my time in moving FORWARD in my recovery, but I will NEVER go back to where I was.
It sounds like you are reaching a similar point as well... Just for now, put away your expectations (wishes, desires, dreams, fantasies) about your husband, and focus on your own strength. You are totally equipped with the right tools for your own happiness, no matter what situation you are in. And if your husband DOES get sober, you have reason to be happy FOR him; if he DOESN'T, and struggles a lot, YOU will still be OK. After all, HIS state of mind, HIS decisions, HIS behavior cannot make or break YOU.
Check out the sticky on "Boundaries" (I think there is one), and get to some Alanon meetings. And of course, we'll always be here too.
Take care
Meg
I was in a very similar situation with my AH not so long ago. He went on a binge for 4 days, spent loads of money, got his/our truck impounded etc.... and I had had enough. I told him over the phone to NOT come home; that he has NO credit cards any longer, that all our money has been moved to other accounts, and that our business assets are now secure and OUT of his name (my father in law was a big help financially). My husband called his AA sponser and went to live with him. He also expressed how much he wanted to stop the drinking / using, and how scared and ashamed he was. He threw himself back into his AA and NA program full force... this WAS the fartherest he had ever gone before.
But, what I learned was most important was that this was the farthest I had ever gone before. For the first time, I put ME first... I had a moment of "awakening" in a sense, and just KNEW that his behavior was no longer acceptable with me. My boundaries were set, I was strong... and I was forever changed. I may take my time in moving FORWARD in my recovery, but I will NEVER go back to where I was.
It sounds like you are reaching a similar point as well... Just for now, put away your expectations (wishes, desires, dreams, fantasies) about your husband, and focus on your own strength. You are totally equipped with the right tools for your own happiness, no matter what situation you are in. And if your husband DOES get sober, you have reason to be happy FOR him; if he DOESN'T, and struggles a lot, YOU will still be OK. After all, HIS state of mind, HIS decisions, HIS behavior cannot make or break YOU.
Check out the sticky on "Boundaries" (I think there is one), and get to some Alanon meetings. And of course, we'll always be here too.
Take care
Meg
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 19
I think this sounds exactly like my situation and it pains me that other people actually have to FEEL this horrible feeling that I feel.
The one of peace when you accept they are gone for a bit...the hell that you endure when they come back. The "feel sorry" feelings that you have for the person thinking if only you loved them more, maybe they wouldn't do this to themselves....to you.
Everyone is capable of change. Some just don't want it. Some (like my husband) say whatever they have to in order to CON you into staying. I have done this for three years. I can't do it anymore. I have finally realized that what he says is what I want to hear and what it does is a whole other story. I have learned that my limits/bottoms whatever you want to call them won't be yours. I wish I could say "ya, he'll get it" only I don't know. Attempting to fix the problem is a huge step and sometimes there are pitfalls and sometimes they just "GET IT!"
i'll pray that your rollercoaster ends!
The one of peace when you accept they are gone for a bit...the hell that you endure when they come back. The "feel sorry" feelings that you have for the person thinking if only you loved them more, maybe they wouldn't do this to themselves....to you.
Everyone is capable of change. Some just don't want it. Some (like my husband) say whatever they have to in order to CON you into staying. I have done this for three years. I can't do it anymore. I have finally realized that what he says is what I want to hear and what it does is a whole other story. I have learned that my limits/bottoms whatever you want to call them won't be yours. I wish I could say "ya, he'll get it" only I don't know. Attempting to fix the problem is a huge step and sometimes there are pitfalls and sometimes they just "GET IT!"
i'll pray that your rollercoaster ends!
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: michigan
Posts: 4
Well, he got right into the Doctors and was put on prozac but they won't put him on antiabuse because he is a diabetic. The Doctor made it sound that studies have shown alcoholics are depressed. She even said that most women will go for help for depression but most men will self medicate with alcohol. I truely do not believe what she said (so if we but all A's on prozac there will be no more addictions?), but I didn't say anything to hubby because he seemed to feel good about it.
On the way home I was crying with disappointment about the antiabuse. My hubby was shocked that I had given up on him and thought antiabuse was his only hope. We had a long talk (him sober this time) about how his drinking affects me and the kids. I stressed that if he is going to drink then he can't live with us because I can't deal with it anymore.
He has been sober 3 days now, it's a start but I am holding my breath. He has finally called mental Health and will see an addiction counselor next week. Going to the Doctor and calling Mental health are steps he has never taken before so I know he is trying, but I guess I wait and see how it all goes.....
On the way home I was crying with disappointment about the antiabuse. My hubby was shocked that I had given up on him and thought antiabuse was his only hope. We had a long talk (him sober this time) about how his drinking affects me and the kids. I stressed that if he is going to drink then he can't live with us because I can't deal with it anymore.
He has been sober 3 days now, it's a start but I am holding my breath. He has finally called mental Health and will see an addiction counselor next week. Going to the Doctor and calling Mental health are steps he has never taken before so I know he is trying, but I guess I wait and see how it all goes.....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
dianalyn
Don't feel let down. Antibuse isn't always the answer, and many alcoholics get sober and stay sober without it.
What does matter is how willing they are to do what has to be done to attain sobriety and keep it.
Take it one day at a time, and enjoy his sobriety. Worry won't change anything, but it will cast a cloud on your sunny days. Worry is a wasted emotion.
Hugs and prayers for both of you.
Ann
Don't feel let down. Antibuse isn't always the answer, and many alcoholics get sober and stay sober without it.
What does matter is how willing they are to do what has to be done to attain sobriety and keep it.
Take it one day at a time, and enjoy his sobriety. Worry won't change anything, but it will cast a cloud on your sunny days. Worry is a wasted emotion.
Hugs and prayers for both of you.
Ann
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
