Suggestions Please Darlings!

Old 03-12-2009, 03:19 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Sunny, California
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Suggestions Please Darlings!

Okay so I am going back to our home state with the children (where AH still is)probably tomorrow. Because of our court situation, I have to leave my eldest daughter there with him. She chose to be there, regardless of my warnings and pleading, and he and she both need a little dose of reality to their fantasy. I am also going to get the rest of my stuff sorted and packed and get my car to drive back to the new state. I also have a baby with AH who is 1, who will be staying with me in our new state which is where my fam is which is why I am moving here. We have actually been here all ready for over 4 months while all the court stuff was happening. SO anyway, I was planning to stay in our family home for the week or so I was to be there because I can't afford a hotel, and I don't want to inconvenience friends with a baby staying there, and I don't know how long I will be there, etc. But with the reaction I had to his email (see "This is the email" thread) and getting sucked back in so easily, plus the other thread reminding us of no contact, I am really second guessing my ability to be there and not get sucked back in. It is all ready so emotional having to leave my daughter and it would be so much easier to just go back to how things were, that I am afraid I would never be able to leave. What do you all think?
sosickofcycle is offline  
Old 03-12-2009, 03:25 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
If I were in your situation and state of mind, I would ask friends if I could stay with them. I know my friends would love to be able to help in that manner too.
Barbara52 is offline  
Old 03-12-2009, 05:29 PM
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"Taking the risk to blossom"
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: a little piece of heaven! Ontario Canada
Posts: 245
For me, I know right now that it is too raw to risk ever staying together for a week (or more). I agree with the others. Let the people who are willing to help you, help you.

What has the last four months been like not being there? I can understand how difficult it must be to leave your daughter (how old?). How has that been for her?

I find that most of my clarity has come from being SEPARATED. I do find it hard to talk to my AH because he sounds very down. This stirs up my guilt immensely even though he chose between admitting he had a problem and getting help or his family. I have to fight with that guilt and with the whole "going back would be easier than this" ideal. But if I play the tape all the way to the end, I know that things would be great for a while, but ultimately I would find myself back in the same place (full of worry, anxiety, anger, resentment, financial woes). So if I really asked the question, I don't think it would be easier in the long run. I feel I would be letting myself down, my precious kids down and not able to "live my one prescious life" to the fullest.

Stay with your friends and let them enjoy your baby. Support from those who want to support us is a gift to both us and them.

take care of you
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Old 03-12-2009, 06:56 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
I like your outlook on this and have to agree. You may have the opportunity to make one of your friends feel good by helping you out. How many of us here on the board with rather help you out then the addict?

Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
i would let my friends decide for themselves what constitutes inconvenience! you may be giving them a GIFT...the opportunity to help someone they care about, AND have a cute cuddly baby to wreck their lives for a week!!!!
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