WantsOut

So it's been a while since I was here, but things have been very good with me. I'm just humming along, putting away a little fund to help keep me safe in these turbulent times, making lots of new friends and finding new activities. I'm really feeling good.

I hadn't spoken to exAH in ages. He kept writing me harassing, late-night emails, a sure sign of a relapse, and I ignored him. Then he let me know he was filing for bankruptcy. I got a letter at the house that was clearly from a credit card company. I wrote "return to sender - moved 3 years ago" on it and sent it back. Fine. But I just got a call from a credit card company looking for him. They were nice enough, considering, and said they'd leave me alone and I wasn't involved, but I'm still quaking.

I am terrified of financial trouble and that's why I work so hard to be safe. To even have it near me makes me feel seasick and nervous. Do I need to tell him what happened? I could just email him but actually I should call him and talk to him briefly cause believe it or not I think he's less likely to start bothering me again if I call cause that's not his harassment medium, if you get me.

Ugh. I sent him off with perfect credit, hardly any debt, and he was making a six figure salary. How could this happen? It's unbelieveable.

Thanks for reading.

Freedom1990

I suggest digging really deep for your true motive in contacting him.

Just from what you've posted, I can see no reason to contact him. The creditor let you off the hook.

Just my two cents.

Barbara52

I am right that you are divorced? If so, it's not your problem and jsut returning the mail or telling callers you don't know where he is should be enough. You are not liable in anyway if you are no longer married. Personally I would not contact him because it's not your problem.

If he did file for banckruptcy, the creditors would not be trying to reach him since all that collection effort gets put on hold as soon as they creditors are notified of the filing.

LaTeeDa

Along with the others, I too am wondering, how is this your problem?

L

WantsOut

I was thinking that I should tell him that they're looking for him, but you know what ... he knows that better than I do. I'll leave it alone.

MissFixit

Were you a co-signer on the card? Did he use your name as a reference of any kind?

GiveLove

"How this could happen" is he's an alcoholic, and this is what alcoholics do.

I'd strongly - strongly - suggest blocking his email address (your email provider can tell you how to do this). When he attempts to email you, it will bounce back to him and let him know it was not accepted.

Email harrassment is harrassment. If he doesn't stop and you can't make him, a restraining order may be necessary.

And if the credit card thing happens again, consider springing for an hour with an attorney to talk about your options and make sure your defenses against his actions are airtight. In fact, you may want to do that anyway. I know it reduced my blood pressure by at least 20 points to find out that I was in no way, shape, or form responsible for "his" debts in my state.

You may also find out from them how to protect yourself against him taking out a credit card in both of your names through one of those mail-in offers. My A sister did that and ruined her ex-husband's credit....so this may be a good topic as well.

I understand about being safe financially. This is how you can be assured that it's really your motivation - and the rest? This is his bed. You MUST let him lie in it or you can kiss your serene new life goodbye. You've worked too hard to get to this place to let it all go again.

Hugs to you, wantsout --

WantsOut

Thanks - I really have no worries when I think of it. No, I didn't cosign anything and I keep a good eye on my credit so I am not worried there are any joint cards or anything like that floating around.

I actually just changed ISPs so I won't get emails from him either soon.

It was just a little trip back into dramaland. Oh, how crazy it was there. Down was up! Black was white! He still lives there - can you imagine?