The good and the bad

Old 03-08-2009, 11:02 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Within the last half hour, AH has barraged my Facebook with private messages and writing on my wall. I haven't read any of it. What should I do with it?
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Old 03-08-2009, 11:08 AM
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JMHO -- Delete him from your "friends" contacts. I think that will delete what he has written but if it doesn't, how about getting a friend to go in and manually delete them for you so you don't have to subject yourself to the quacking -- then remove him from your friends.
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Old 03-08-2009, 11:20 AM
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You can remove and block him too
Settings / Privacy Settings / Block List

Hugs Glenna, you can do it!! I agree I would have a friend do it and not a WORD of what he has said should be shared with you.
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Old 03-08-2009, 02:11 PM
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I still haven't looked. I really want to, but I know it will be upsetting.

There are things I would like to say to him too, but it really wouldn't change anything.

Just trying to hold on for 2 more hours until my next meeting.
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Old 03-08-2009, 02:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Glenna9802 View Post
I still haven't looked. I really want to, but I know it will be upsetting.

There are things I would like to say to him too, but it really wouldn't change anything.

Just trying to hold on for 2 more hours until my next meeting.
You are so amazing, Glenna! Hang in there! It might help to think of what you wrote here:

I saw my boys this morning for breakfast. I told them briefly what was going on, just that the baby and I were staying at a friend's and that it was no longer healthy for us to stay with AH. They were thrilled!!! AH was horrible to them, and they are so glad he's out of all of our lives now.
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:35 AM
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you are amazing, it must be very scary, but you are riding that fear and taking control of your life.

I don't know if this will help, but re the guilt you are feeling about the bad place he is going to be in: everything that everyone has said about this being the result of his choices is spot on, he has to own his own consequences.

but also, I don't know about your ex, but sometimes it feels as if mine is a golden child wandering through life untouched by disaster as chaos swirls in his path, laying waste to those that he touches.

He has passed out under monuments in town squares overnight, in ditches up mountains in cold november snow & in gutters, without a hair on his head being harmed...he wanders home so incoherent and unco-ordinated that I am amazed he has remembered where he lives or managed to physically walk, without getting run-over as he lurches accross roads or falling down long drops. He passes out in the bath but hasn't drowned. He has bad debts that have shot his credit rating to the point where my (already poor) rating is adversely affected by being linked with him BUT he manages to get a mortgage and not still pay the outstanding debts.
I could go on... and this "luck" will not last forever.... but my H is an adult who is very well skilled (however subconciously) in finding lots of people who will help him not suffer the consequences of his actions. (moi for example)

I haven't worried about his physical or fiscal well-being since I realised how bleeping unfair that was!
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:46 AM
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I ended up reading the e-mails in the middle of the night. They weren't too bad. He admitted he had been abusing the amphetamine the doctor prescribed him and then drinking more as a result. There was a lot about what he is "going" to do, stop the medication and "try" to quit drinking. He wants me to come back and help financially so he doesn't end up homeless if I am determined not to stay married. Just lots of demands written in a nice way, but none of it worked on me.

I had a meeting last night, and my sponsor was there. I'm concerned as she seems to be going through her own stuff at the moment, and I start feeling guilty for coming to her with my stuff. I sat with her, and she was next to her sponsor who she talked with before and after the meeting. I didn't want to act like her shadow, so I ended up just leaving.

I don't feel quite as anxious this morning as usual, but will go to a meeting anyway. That's all I can think of to do right now...work and go to meetings and come here. Thanks for being here with me
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Glenna9802 View Post
I had a meeting last night, and my sponsor was there. I'm concerned as she seems to be going through her own stuff at the moment, and I start feeling guilty for coming to her with my stuff. I sat with her, and she was next to her sponsor who she talked with before and after the meeting. I didn't want to act like her shadow, so I ended up just leaving.
Do NOT feel guilty for going to your sponsor with your stuff. In sponsoring other women myself, it is such a gift for me because they help me get out of self and get through the tough times I have! Keep sharing with your sponsor, Glenna. There has been more than once when I have been working with a sponsee and found the solutions to my problems while working with her.

:ghug :ghug
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990 View Post
Do NOT feel guilty for going to your sponsor with your stuff. In sponsoring other women myself, it is such a gift for me because they help me get out of self and get through the tough times I have! Keep sharing with your sponsor, Glenna. There has been more than once when I have been working with a sponsee and found the solutions to my problems while working with her.

:ghug :ghug
plus she's a grown woman, if she needs space, or can't deal with something right then, she can let you know that. We can let go of trying to work out what other people want/need: they can tell us. (This is/was a REVELATION to me, growing up in a family where no-one ever says what they mean: its exhausting, and I, admittedly, am an olympiad at worrying about what people think, given that I have social anxiety/phobia, but I am trying and I love the theory)
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