naive

things here are starting to reach a head here. ABF came in last night at 2:20AM, drunk. he had lost his key (again).

when he came in, he went to the living room to smoke. I got up and asked him to please go to bed. it was late enough and I was tired. he said he wanted to smoke a cigarette, so I waited until he had finished. I asked him to go to his brothers for a few days, that I wanted some time alone and I could not stand another day/night of his drinking/lying around.

he said the electricity is almost out, only £2 left on the emergency credit and if he left, I would be without power. and I said “well, if you choose to leave me with no power, then that is your choice.”

this morning, he woke me up and gave me £30. I asked if this was for me or to buy the electricity (we have to put a minimum of £25 in the meter, so that would leave me £5 to live on for the whole weekend). he said it was for the meter. then he said that he would go to sleep at his brother’s if he was drunk tonight and come home for breakfast in the morning. I said that wasn’t what I requested. I asked him again to leave for a few days. he left the house and said he was going to work, to go sell his shellfish up the road.

at noon, I went out to go buy the electricity. I didn’t think he was up the road and was resenting always being the one to do everything for the house. why can’t he go and buy the electricity? the electricity shop is next to the pub he works in. I opened the door, and there he was! drinking! I walked out immediately, he shouted me but I ignored him. he’s still drinking now.

well, now I’m home. I pulled out a backpack and I’m going to put a few of his things in there so he can leave for his brother’s whenever he shows up here again. I don’t think he’s going to go easy, if he goes at all.

my plan is…I don’t have a plan! I just can’t take this anymore and I want a few days alone so I can make a plan.

all input appreciated and thank you for all your support so far. I feel like I have an army behind me with all of you: in union, is harmony and strength. may god guide us, everyone, especially those in the grip of this terrible sickness.

catlovermi

You could always make a plan, to visit your mother, far, far away from this. And where she lives, there are very likely Alanon groups just around the corner, in the US (there are a lot of Alanon groups in the US). These two things could re-start a whole new life for you, and get you healing from all this damage, and on to a healthy life.

Look hard, at your options, and know that there are ALWAYS options.

CLMI

timetogo

Hi Naive -- I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

You said in your earlier thread that you could leave to go to your mother's in the US. What is the reason you're not doing that? I know there could be many reasons and it's not always as easy as "just leave". But if that is an option for you, it sounds like a great way to get your time to develop a plan of how to go forward.

I often worry when there are "confrontations" about to unfold. You say you have no plan but have you thought about your safety. I would encourage you to have a plan about that. If it goes really badly, is there a place you can go to for the night or a friend you can call? Is there anyone you can call to tell them what is going on, what you are planning to do and can check in with when all is said and done.

Please take care of yourself and be so very careful
Laurie

naive

timetogo- yes, this situation is just about to blow up...it's 3 now, he's been drinking since 11am...he's ringing here every 1/2 or so... i haven't answered..

the reason i don't go to my mother's is that i want to live here in the uk. i've recently been put on the homeless housing list, and i fear if i leave the country, i will not get a flat. i have a meeting on monday, at which time i will ask the officer if i may leave the country and still keep my spot on the list.

a friend of mine just called to say she's coming into the town. she lives in the country. i told her a bit of what's going on and she offered me to come and stay with her. i think i will, just to escape this madness for a bit.

thank you.

timetogo

I'm glad naive -- you never know how these things can escalate when dealing with the effects of alcohol. I'm glad you can go to your friends house. You can have some peace of mind and often with peace of mind, comes clarity.

I will be thinking about you
Laurie

Freedom1990

I understand you want to stay in the UK.

My EXAH was violent and psychotic. I was beaten on a daily basis, unless he was off on one of his drug runs and would stay gone for several days.

I literally had to move over 2 hours away from where the two of us had lived, and start my life over again.

I'm still in the same little town almost 22 years later, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made for me, even though it was scary starting over.

Much of my stuff was left behind where he continued to stay.

I didn't care. My life was more important than material things.

MissFixit

If your sister or mother was telling you this same story, what would you advise her to do to protect herself?

Bernadette

Let's make Another Day part III be all about YOU!

Have a little plan just for today that serves YOUR purpose.

I hear a lot of "but I can't" or "I don't want" in your post. That kind of negative thinking can keep you stuck. And his raging problem can be a very convenient distraction from taking a hard look at yourself and thinking of some creative solutions to get your peace of mind and your life back!!

It sounds like you have no peace and no safety where you are right now....

I hope time away at your friend's will give you a fresh perspective.

The past is gone. You are free in THIS moment.

((((hugs)))

peace-
b.