jojo

I spent 20 minutes the other day writing this thread and then, guess what, I managed to erase the whole thing. What a dummy!!!!!!

I have been mulling this over for quite a while and hope that some of you have some answers for me.

My AH is a binge drinker. He goes long periods without drinking or even having any desire to drink. Is it usual for A's to not have any cravings at all when they are sober? He is an active participant in AA but I wonder since he does not deal with cravings on a regular basis if that is why when the cravings do hit if that is why he falls off the wagon without even making any attempt to use the tools that he has. Any thoughts on this?

Also, questions of detachment. When he falls, he falls HUGE. When he is sober (which is the majority of the time), why would I want to detach from him? I don't think or worry about him drinking. I don't check up on him or follow him around. I think that we live a pretty normal life. So, I guess my question is, how do you prepare yourself to detach when he is drinking? I can't spend the rest of my life worrying if he is going to drink again.
That would drive me crazy.

For example, how could you prepare yourself after two years of sobriety for a relapse? In any relationship people come to depend on each other for many things and I think that is not only normal but necessary to a good relationship. Obviously, that person can't be the only source of your happiness but they are large contributors to happiness or unhappiness. I understand that the alcohol is their problem but reacting to the problems they create becomes our problem. How we deal with them is what is important in our lives.

I feel like I live two completely different lives and don't know how to integrate them without destroying the faith and trust and love that my husband and I share 90% of the time. Any thoughts on this?

Jo

Gabe

binge drinkers. They would string together months, sometimes years of sobriety. When they fell off the wagon, they fell hard. It would be an entire week of round the clock drinking. Unlike you, I didn't have a good relationship with either of the alcoholics in my life be they drunk or sober.
I think the idea of detachment is trying to live your life as happily as you can and not falling victim to the manipulations and mishaps that an alcoholic can send your way. There was never any way for me to prepare for the next disaster. I never knew when it would come. My ex-A was sober for six years once. In my opinion, every day is a 50/50 proposition when it comes to living with an alcoholic. That is why it is so important to have your own sanity and program to fall back on, should they start drinking again.
I see no reason for you to detach from your husband while he is clean and sober. I think the idea of detachment has more to do with dealing with active alcoholics and alcoholics who have personality issues be they drunk or sober.
Peace,
Gabe

jojo

I'm bringing this back up to the top because I would really like some input on the lack of cravings between binges. Does anyone know if this is typical?

Jo

Ann

Jojo

I think this is more common than you think. Binge drinkers are okay sober, but when they pick up a drink they cannot stop until they are passed out or totally drunk.

In many cases they are very functional, holding a job, providing financially and emotionally for their families, and they are just not as noticeable as some other kinds of drinkers.

I don't think it matters why they lack cravings between binges. Their problem is that when they drink they can't put it down. That inability to stop is their problem.

Hope this helps.

Ann

Ann

Jojo

Hopefully this may help - It is from the AA homepage and about 14 paragraphs down you will see a section about binge drinking. Hope this gives you some better information.



http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/...id=56&pageid=9

jojo

Thanks Ann. Knew that you would come up with something!