FlwrofFrgttng

and my world came crumbling down. I've been living in a little bubble this past week and few days. I can't take this mess anymore. I'm trying to let it go, let him go but I keep getting sucked into this drama. Someone tell me how to let this go. Someone tell me how to stop the hurt. I'm just going on and on and feel like I'm dying inside. And my goodness, I'm ANGRY. I wanted to raise my children MYSELF, not pay someone more than I can realistically expect to earn in my city to raise them. This is a depressed area. When I left my job after the birth of my first son I was making 31k a year and that was considered a GREAT salary for the area. It gave me 1700/mo take home after ins and taxes. Well childcare is going to cost me 1540 a mo for both boys. How in the world are we supposed to live? And I KNOW AH is NOT going to pay child support or spousal even if it's ordered. I MADE him pay his CS for his daughter. I can't count on his next woman doing the same for me. Now I'm sitting here wondering how I'm going to take care of my boys and angry with myself and him both for this situation. I don't qualify for government help with childcare because I have savings. If I spend my savings on childcare I can work for six months but I'll be in the same position then that I am now. I hate him for this. I really do. I am soooo mad at myself for not seeing this coming and making plans for a situation like this. The only thing I can think of is to find a job working from home since I don't even have relatives who can watch the boys... But I can't find a legit work from home job. I don't know what the point of this post was. Does anyone have any REAL LIFE solutions? My sister seems to think I should suck it up and stay with AH because at least I can take his check and pay the bills. I'm trying to find any way to make it that I can. Any suggestions that don't include living in misery with AH until my boys are old enough to go to school?

Pelican

Breathe!

Take a few deep breaths. Take a few more. Me too. Whew, you are wide open at full throttle.

Take a step back. What do you need to do for yourself and your boys tonight? Is everything ready for tomorrow morning (coffee set, laundry done?)

I do not have the answer to your situation. I do know that you seem to be limiting yourself in your mind right now. Take it "one day at a time" and get some rest. Your rested mind may open up some other options tomorrow. Take care of yourself and the boys tonight. We care about you.
:ghug3

laurie6781

Yes, BREATHE. Now take ten more slow deep breaths.

Contact your local "Income Support" or "Welfare" office, whatever it is called in your state. Register. Get whatever they will offer ........................... yes, it will get charged back to AH eventually and they will go after him, NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Most states have some some type of voucher system for child care for parents in your situation. They may not pay it all, but they will certainly pay an appropriate portion of it ...................................... and that too will be tacked onto AH's later bill.

If you do not have health insurance, in many states they will at least put the children on Medicaid which keeps them covered no matter what illness they get. Depending on your income with your children you may qualify for Food Stamps, take them, right now you need them.

It is NOT WELFARE. It is ASSISTANCE for those that are struggling and right now you are struggling.

Give it a shot, the worst they can say is no.

Hope that helps a bit.

If I think of more, I will PM you.

Love and hugs,

NoelleR

You've gotten some great suggestions (ah hah, from Laurie6781, of course!..lol). Now, I'm usually told to keep my mouth shut when it comes to kids; since I don't have any, it's assumed that I couldn't have any valid suggestions...obviously not, I have no experience to draw from....Ah well, I'm gonna jump in, anyway....lol ....it's only one li'll itty-bitty suggestion that just popped into my head....

I don't know if you belong to any church, but even if you don't, you may want to check out some.....Lots of churches offer some kind of child-care, and some offer financial aid for single parents with children.....I dunno if this is even in your ballpark, but I figured I'd throw it out there; if I didn't I'd probly be beatin' myself up all night....

I hope you find some help; I know it's out there; there are a lot of single parents out there, and they all can't be rich (I do know how expensive child-care can be; I don't know how you guys 'n gals do it.....GoodOnYa....! (o:


NoelleR

bearfeet

Does working part-time (thus paying for childcare parttime) and claiming any benefits you are entitled to work out any better? I know the system is vastly different here in the UK. I work full time in a fairly well paid position but I would probably be better off financially doing less hours or not working at all! Honestly it's crackers.

(But I want to work I am a mother and a graduate and have always been proud of my work. He is happy to live on state benefits so I figure that she needs one parent to be a role model!!)

Argh! Sorry ranting again, anyway you're doing brilliantly and sometimes the Maths of any situation is enough to put anyone in a spin, take a look at the part time option and benefit entitlement, it is there for those who need it and you sound like a most deserving case.

xx

Glenna9802

I just thought of something. I do medical transcription and work from home. You would probably have to go to school online to learn how to do it, but you could be home with the kids while you work.

There is a website that would have all the info you need...Medical Transcription : 7,000 Medical Transcriptionists Online

You could at least check it out and see if it would interest you. Hope this helps.

FlwrofFrgttng

Sorry for the freak out but I already checked. The only assistance that I would qualify for is medical for the boys. Not childcare assistance or anything else because I have a savings account with *gasp* money in it. When I worked I managed to squirrel away the recommended six months of living expenses (well more than that at first, but I've had to spend a lot of it to make up for the times that AH was out of work). That makes me ineligible.

Thanks for talking me down, guys. I REALLY freaked yesterday. Thanks for all of your suggestions. I know there has to be a way somewhere. I just have to find it. The good thing is that AH stopped by this morning and gave me his paycheck. He only wants a little bit of it back so I can use the rest to float a little bit longer while I look for something doable.

Seren

Somewhere in this forum, someone listed some links for legit work from home jobs (Barbara52?) Perhaps she'll see this and chime in or you could send her a private message....

Hugs! HG

Barbara52

Yup, that was me, HG.

Working from Home

FlwrofFrgttng

Thanks, I'm looking into everything that I've been sent. You people are a God send!

Barbara52

The court can garnish his wages right from the beginning of a CS support order. Now that won't stop him from quitting a job to try avoid paying, but it may help you get what he is obligated to pay.

Have you talked to an attorney? Getting information can only help you figure out the right thing to do, whether that is leave or stay.

FlwrofFrgttng

he owes 15k back support for his daughter. all from the years before i got serious with him. he pays now and has been paying because shortly after we got serious i started taking his checks. He WILL quit his job and he WILL work under the table and go to jail rather than pay me. Esp since he will be paying cs for 3 children. I've bullied him into being responsible and I don't think much if ANY of it will stick if he's not with me. He's a child.