How do you know?......denial
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: boise, id
Posts: 1
How do you know?......denial
This is brand new to me. I have a lot to say but I'll try to be brief. One of my friends recommended that I try this out to cope with a recent break up.
I think I knew that my xbf was an alcoholic, but perhaps I didn't know exactly what that entailed. I thought our relationship didn't work because he was selfish and inconsiderate sometimes. But now I know that he is sick, so to speak, and that those characteristics are driven by his addiction. And that no ammount of my love or forgiveness is going to make him change. I was aware that he drinks too much but I was in denial about the fact that it is a serious problem and a way of life for him and not just recreational use. I think I was trying to protect him and myself from the grim reality. Perhaps he knows it already and wanted to be with me because I was naive to it.
When my friend confronted me about his aloholism, I felt like I'd had a breakthrough and was quite relieved at first. But now I'm in a lot of pain and much more has come to light. I've been in denial about my dad's problem too, and that's been going on for most of my life (I'm 29) in one way or another. First it was meth and now it's alcohol. I don't think my dad has much time left and sometimes I wish it was already over so I wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. That is soo heartbreaking to admit.
It is so bizarre to be aware of something but not to allow yourself to really come to KNOW it. It is denial and I can spot it in other but it is very scary for me.
I think I knew that my xbf was an alcoholic, but perhaps I didn't know exactly what that entailed. I thought our relationship didn't work because he was selfish and inconsiderate sometimes. But now I know that he is sick, so to speak, and that those characteristics are driven by his addiction. And that no ammount of my love or forgiveness is going to make him change. I was aware that he drinks too much but I was in denial about the fact that it is a serious problem and a way of life for him and not just recreational use. I think I was trying to protect him and myself from the grim reality. Perhaps he knows it already and wanted to be with me because I was naive to it.
When my friend confronted me about his aloholism, I felt like I'd had a breakthrough and was quite relieved at first. But now I'm in a lot of pain and much more has come to light. I've been in denial about my dad's problem too, and that's been going on for most of my life (I'm 29) in one way or another. First it was meth and now it's alcohol. I don't think my dad has much time left and sometimes I wish it was already over so I wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. That is soo heartbreaking to admit.
It is so bizarre to be aware of something but not to allow yourself to really come to KNOW it. It is denial and I can spot it in other but it is very scary for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 321
Well I married my husband and we had two children before I knew about his addictions. Have you ever heard of the phrase "rose colored glasses"? We can't adequately see what should be visible and right before our eyes because we're blinded by these rose-colored glasses called infactuation/love. But it hurts to remove those glasses because we may not like or love what we see.... and that might just be the real deal.
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